A Second Chance
by Christobel Cullen
Summary: What if Laurent changed Bella in the meadow? Bella would get a second chance to be what she was always meant to be - a vampire. Would she also get a second chance at love? New Moon AU COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**A Second Chance**

**What if Laurent changed Bella in the meadow? Bella would get a second chance to be what she was always meant to be – a vampire. Would she also get a second chance at love? New Moon AU.**

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A/N: I have to give credit where credit is due. Glass Cannon (dot) lj's work **No Choice **and Janna Banana's epic Jasper/Bella fic **When Darkness Turns to Light **were both influential and an inspiration to write this fic. It's my first attempt at AU. Please read and review!

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"…_**This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Bella. Just thirst."**_

"_**Please," I gasped.**_

_**Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."**_

"_**Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back.**_

_**Laurent followed, lithe and graceful.**_

"_**Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise."**_

Laurent lied. His attack seemed to happen in slow motion. I felt _everything_. I felt his sharp, razor blade like teeth tear into my throat, I felt the venom enter my blood, I felt my body lose strength, and I felt surprise when Laurent released me and I collapsed on the ground. By some miracle, my heart was still beating. I was alive.

The sound of teeth snapping and grisly snarls was deafening. I could hear a tussle happening within my reach – heavy breathing, yelps, scratching against what sounded like granite.

"Surely it isn't a _bear attack_?" I thought, putting my hands to my throat to stop the flow of blood gushing from a severed artery. Bears were no match for a _vampire_. Laurent could have easily kicked a bear into Canada, instead of being carried off by one.

Struggling to remain conscious, I opened my eyes and saw several dark colored shapes carrying Laurent into the woods. There seemed to be a look of _fear_ on Laurent's face as he tried to wrestle free from the creatures' grasp.

The adrenaline of self-protection rushed through my body and gave me the strength to stand up. I had to get out of the meadow and to a safe place. These creatures were gone for now, but they would undoubtedly come back for me. Or Laurent would return to finish attacking me. Either way, I had to escape.

I stumbled through the forest, not knowing where I was going. It began to rain harder than it had in months and that only made my escape more difficult. I couldn't see anything and I was still bleeding and my body felt like it was slowly being set on fire.

After only a couple of minutes of plodding through the forest, I tripped. It wasn't a complete surprise, considering my innate clumsiness, but I wasn't prepared for it.

"Argh," I screamed upon hitting the ground, but instead of sound, blood came out of my mouth. I choked on the blood, terrified that I would drown in it.

Sputtering, gasping for breath, I tried to stand up, only to find myself trip again and begin rolling down a hill. I felt every tree and rock I hit as I tumbled to what I thought would surely be my death. My body eventually came to a stop when I heard my skull crack. I felt blood begin to drip down my face.

Although the burning in my body threatened to overtake me, I opened one eye, and through the rain was able to see that I had landed at the foot of a large boulder. There was an indentation in the ground, a sort of mini cave, offering safety. With my last ounce of strength I pulled my body into the protection of the rock.

"I'm going to die," I thought. "There's no way I can survive this pain."

The pain. It was excruciating, but it was familiar. The burning was exactly as I remembered it when James bit me the year before in Phoenix. Edward had sucked the venom out, allowing me to continue to be human. Edward had saved me. _Edward._

It was then that I began to cry. Foolishly, I had always imagined Edward would be there to hold my hand while I was changed. I thought I would be surrounded by loving family members – Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, even Rosalie – to help me through this transformation. But, there was no one with me now. There was no one to save me. This was happening. If I survived the pain, I knew I would become a vampire.

My heart ached for Edward and the family that was torn from me when he left. For months I had grieved losing him, losing a whole future, a whole family — the whole life that I'd chosen...

There was more pain in the burning overtaking me, than in these thoughts of Edward and the Cullens, but not by much. It was easier to focus on the flames than on my broken heart.

I surrendered to the burning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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As the flames devoured me, I lost track of time. I screamed and thrashed about, pleading for death. I drifted in and out of consciousness, only the sound of the rain and my beating heart to comfort me. After days, weeks, months, I don't know how long, the burning began to subside and my heart began to beat slowly.

When my heart completely stopped beating, my eyes flew open. I saw only darkness, the rock above me, and felt trapped. I panicked. With a loud growl, I clawed out from beneath, sending chunks of rock flying in all directions. My eyes widened in surprise at my strength and the _ease_ in which I had destroyed a _boulder_.

Instinct and overwhelming emotion propelled me to crouch into a protective stance, another growl coming deep within my chest, my eyes roaming the dark forest, searching for a hint of danger. After a few moments of finding nothing but pouring rain, I stood upright.

I was alone and I was alive.

Alive! Relief flooded my senses, quickly followed by caution. I grabbed my throat, feeling for damage, but it was completely healed. I placed a hand on my heart, searching for a beat. There was none.

Technically, I wasn't alive. But, I wasn't dead, either.

I _survived_.

I was a _vampire_.

Sitting down on the ground, I leaned against what was remaining of the boulder I had destroyed. My mind was whirling. I was able to think of several things at once, but nothing made sense. The only clear, vivid memory I had was from the pain of my transformation. Human memories were blurry, as if someone put mud in my eyes.

I tried to think of everything I knew about being a vampire - super strength, super speed, super hearing, sparkled in the sun, designed to kill, the world's most dangerous predator. I had known vampires, I had almost been a member of their family. _The Cullens_. Yes, that was their name.

Jasper's face was the first person that came to my mind. Jasper? Yes, he was a vampire and a Cullen. We were not close, but he was always kind to me. More faces and names flashed through my mind. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice. Thoughts of this family made me smile.

Then I realized my throat was on fire. It was a different burning to the one I had just experienced, but it was similar. Vampires thirsted for _blood_. The fire in my throat was a thirst for blood.

I sobbed, but no tears came.

Was I now a monster? No, I was Bella, the daughter of Charlie and Renee, friend of Jacob….were they looking for me? Would they know what had become of me? Of course they wouldn't. Never in their wildest dreams would they guess what I had become. I desperately tried to match their names with faces, but it wasn't as clear as remembering the Cullens.

Edward. A flash of a smiling, beautiful, bronzed haired boy overwhelmed me. He was a vampire. He was a Cullen. Would he help me?

No, no, no, no, no. The image was pushed out of my thoughts, as if I was protecting myself from harm, not allowing myself to continue with the image or thought. I knew as a human I could always push unpleasant things out of my mind and just _deal_. Memories of paying the bills for Renee, deciding to move to Forks, crying in my bed at Charlie's house flashed, but I was able to erase them from my mind as if they were writing on a chalk board.

But, one last memory continued.

_"You're no good for me Bella," I remembered Edward telling me._

_"You don't want me?" I replied._

_"No."_

I tensed at the memory of rejection. This vampire, _Edward_, didn't want me, and while my heart ached, my protective instincts told me to move on, to no longer think about it.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Focusing all of my attention on the burning in my throat, I knew I would have no problem being distracted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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The burning in my throat, what I could only guess was _thirst_, had intensified. I could no longer wrestle with what human memories I would keep. I began to struggle to hang on to any rational thought.

As I stood up, the rain still pouring down, it occurred to me that I must have an advantage with this new life. I had known of vampires before I became one. I knew there was an alternative to feeding on human blood. The Cullens hunted _animals_ instead of humans. Could I make that choice? I wasn't sure if I could, especially since I was alone, and that scared me. I didn't want to be a monster, I didn't want to murder humans, but I also didn't know if I would be able to stop once I encountered one. Every feeling within me told me I was different now. I was still _Bella_, but adrenaline seemed to be pumping through me at g-force speed. Electricity, power, strength, whatever you wanted to call it, was coursing through me searching for an outlet. God forbid any _human_ cross my path now. It would be disastrous and I would have to live with being a murderer for the rest of my existence.

I smelled a hint of salt in the air and decided to head for the beach. There wouldn't be any humans there on a dark and rainy night and maybe I would have more time to think. I began to run.

Running was easy. I ran gracefully and fast, zooming between trees, jumping off peaks, enjoying the rush of wind and feeling of power. Traveling at this speed seemed familiar somehow, as if I had done this before, but I knew it wasn't possible. As a human I could barely run a mile in gym class. Now I felt as if I could run forever and never grow tired.

As I neared the beach, I began to smell something revolting. It couldn't be human, but it was alive and nearby. I heard the snaps and snarls and realized they were the same sounds I heard in the meadow from the creatures that attacked Laurent. Were they coming for me now?

Panic gripped me and I began to run faster. The ocean was in sight, but I approached the edge of a cliff, instead of a beach. At a glimpse of the waves below, a memory flashed in my mind.

Edward and….Alice and Jasper. Yes, those were their names. We were at a beach, laughing and playing.

"_We don't need to breathe, Bella," Alice's high soprano voice sang."We can stay underwater for hours…" She turned, threw her arms around Jasper, and they submerged underneath the waves._

I only had seconds to decide what to do. Jump into the water or stay and be attacked by these unknown creatures chasing me? I was almost positive they wouldn't follow me into the water. Their growls reminded me of guard dogs. If they were protecting something, maybe they would leave me alone once I was off their land.

Although I was trembling with fear, I turned to look over my shoulder. Despite the pouring rain, my eye sight was sharp and focused. With a clear view, I saw that these snarling creatures looked like wolves. But, they were larger and more menacing than any wolves on National Geographic that I had ever seen. My eyes were drawn to one wolf in particular, one with shaggy, russet brown fur. Our eyes locked and there was a look of recognition in his eyes. I was stunned. This animal seemed to know who I was. His eyes widened and he stopped running. The pack followed his lead.

I crouched into a defensive position, showing my teeth, venom dripping from my mouth. A loud growl came from deep within my chest and I felt the overwhelming urge to _kill_.

This was the monster Edward had warned me about becoming. _Edward_. No, I would not think of him.

It was a stand off between me and the wolves. They hadn't pounced yet, but were still on guard, and seemed to be deliberating what to do with me. My instincts told me to attack, but fear restrained me. I had already died once and didn't want to die again.

A wolf, smaller than the others, who seemed to be having a hard time standing still, impulsively lunged for me. However, he didn't get within ten feet of my body before he flew back in the air, as if electrocuted by an invisible fence.

_"What the hell was that?" _I wondered, in panic.

The wolves seemed just as perplexed. I used their confusion as an opportunity to escape. I snarled, snapping my teeth at the wolves and then dove into the ocean below.

The impact would have surely killed a human, but it didn't hurt me at all. I didn't resurface for several minutes, fear and my burning throat propelling me forward. Alice was right. It was a bit uncomfortable not being able to breathe, but I was easily able to stay underwater.

I tried to decide which direction to take. If I went south, there would undoubtedly be humans. If I went north I knew there were islands to the north of Washington State, somewhere in Canada. If I was lucky, I could find an island without any backpacking tourists.

Huh. So not all my human memories were fuzzy. I was able to remember a lesson from geography class. Maybe I was able to recall whatever I needed to survive?

I needed to keep the coast in view, to use it as a compass to head north, and so when I was confident I was not being followed, I resurfaced.

Bobbing in the dark, rough water, I gasped for air, even though I didn't technically need it. Only days ago I was a high school student with a part time job and now I was some supernatural, mythical creature. I remembered that as a human I had wanted to be changed into a vampire, but I didn't expect things to work out _this_ way. I didn't expect to be _alone_ and fighting for survival after only being minutes old. Even with all the information I gathered and experience I had with vampires, I hadn't been prepared for _this_. I felt like a baby, overwhelmed by these new senses and sensations, overwhelmed by this new life. I wished there was someone here to guide me through it...

But, I was alone and I would deal with it. I felt defeated with sadness, but I could not cry. I began to swim north, officially saying goodbye to my human life in Forks. The burning in my throat was still demanding attention.

Suddenly, I surprised myself when I stopped swimming.

In the distance I could have sworn I heard someone screaming my name.

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**Please review! Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

An overwhelming loneliness came over me as I wondered if someone was, really, truly, calling my name. I felt relief at the thought that someone _cared_ about me, that someone was trying to find me.

But, I knew it wasn't the Cullens. They left Forks over five months ago and I hadn't heard a word from them. For a brief second I allowed _Edward_ to flash in my mind, but shielded it quickly. He didn't want me, so it definitely wasn't him. Was it Laurent? I growled at the thought. No, the wolves I saw were not normal animals. I was sure they had destroyed him.

Was it Jacob? I hadn't seen my friend in weeks, he had been acting so strangely. Best case scenario, Charlie thought I had run away. I knew I could never see him again, now that I was a vampire, it would be too dangerous. I wanted to cry. My life was over.

I shook my head. There was no one calling my name. My vampire hearing was playing a trick on me. Just as I thought I heard Edward's voice when I was doing dangerous things - it was just wishful thinking.

"Augh!" I screamed, punching the waves around me.

I couldn't allow myself to continue to think of Edward. Every thought of him was filled with pain. Why keep subjecting myself to that when I already had so much to deal with? Closing my eyes, I imagined Edward standing in a room. I closed the door to that room and locked it with a key. I would no longer allow myself to think of my painful, human memories of Edward. I wanted to survive.

Staying miles away from the shore, I kept swimming until I saw a group of islands in the distance. They looked uninhabited – no buildings or boats.

I made my way out of the water and immediately spotted a sign on the beach that confirmed it was a campsite. The rain had ceased, but there was a strong wind and the waters were rough. The island was only accessible by boat, it seemed, but with this weather there would be no visiting tourists today.

Just to be sure the island was safe, I hesitantly took a deep breath to check for the scent of humans. If I smelled one, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist, but I still wanted to _try _to be cautious. Thankfully, I didn't smell anything mouth watering, just the scent of salt water.

The burning in my throat was unbearable and I immediately felt a sense of rage. It was an irrational emotion and I didn't know why I felt that way. I wished Jasper was with me to calm me down. I would have gladly accepted his influence if it would help me feel "normal" again.

In the woods I heard a rustle. My head snapped in its direction. I was so easily distracted. The wind brought a scent of some unidentifiable living creature, and instinct took over. Whether it was human or not, I was going to hunt.

Daytime came and went. Another day passed and then another. I hunted continuously, stalking out my prey, going in for the attack. There were several bears on the island and it reminded me of a story Emmett once told about his own transformation. He was attacked by a bear and Rosalie rescued him. Since then, he'd always had ill feelings toward bears and loved to hunt them. Emmett found it amusing because he was no longer a weak human, but a vampire with endless strength that could now easily kill a bear.

"This is one's for you, Emmett," I whispered into the silent forest before I went in for the kill of the last bear on the island.

With these thoughts of the Emmett, I somehow had a brief, rational thought to cover my tracks, shoving the animal bodies under trees or deep within the earth.

Hunting felt very natural. I wasn't afraid to do it and my human clumsiness had evaporated. But the animals didn't taste very good and they definitely weren't very satisfying. The burning in my throat hadn't lessened a bit. I wanted more. Eventually, I killed every animal on the island, apart from birds and chipmunks, and went to the next island and then yet another.

I didn't intend on annihilating _entire populations_ of animals on an island, but it was better than killing humans, right? I still felt guilty though. I wasn't being responsible. A _Cullen_ would never do this. But, then the Cullens never hunted alone either. I was alone.

I needed a plan, but it was difficult to think of anything other than my thirst and act on it immediately. The weather was clearing up and I knew tourists would return to the area soon. Alaska wasn't populated with very many humans_. "Maybe I could go there?"_ I thought.

The word _Denali _flashed in my mind, but I wasn't sure what it meant. Was Denali a person, place or thing? Why did it come in my mind when I thought of Alaska?

Unquenchable thirst demanded my attention, but instead of destroying another ecosystem I dived into the ocean and began to swim.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

A/N: I'm excited to introduce Jasper into the story and I hope I'm representing him in the right way. Let me know what you and if it was faithful to the character! Thanks for reading!

**JPOV**

I had just left Denali. Ran to Anchorage and took a flight to Seattle. It was a sunny day, so I checked into a hotel while I waited for an appointment with my attorney Jenks.

I was alone.

Alice has been withdrawing from me since we left Forks six months ago. I could feel her disappointment in my mistake and it's consequences that affected our family. She insisted she had forgiven me for attacking Bella. Alice never held grudges, not in the 60 years we'd been together, so I had to believe her. But, still Bella was her best friend and I knew the incident had put a wedge between us.

None of us agreed with Edward's decision to leave Bella. I could feel the doubt and unbelief in everyone's emotions when he told us, but we decided to indulge our prone to over-react brother. We agreed to leave without saying goodbye, because we thought we would see her again soon. There was no way Edward would be able to stay away from his mate. It was impossible.

The family separated. Edward disappeared. Carlisle and Esme moved to Ithaca and Rosalie and Emmett continued their honeymoon in Africa. Alice and I went to Denali.

Our "cousins" received us warmly, and both Alice and I welcomed their distraction. We all went on hunting trips together, I played chess with Eleazar, Alice coordinated Tanya's wardrobe. There was laughter and lively conversation. Away from the temptation of humans, it felt like vacation, but something was very wrong.

Despite being surrounded by others, I felt an aching loneliness that wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. I guessed it was because Alice was avoiding me. She only spoke to me when I spoke to her. Even our physical relationship stopped. Any romantic overtures I sent her way was ignored. After several weeks I stopped trying, but continued to send her waves of my love and concern. She would always smile, knowing full well what I was doing. But she continued to withdraw from me, even though there had been no argument and I felt no animosity from her. Alice had never acted this way before and I could only guess that leaving Bella was affecting her more than I initially realized.

I missed Bella too, in my own way. I couldn't believe Edward had made it this long without her. In all my years of being a vampire, I had never heard of anyone being separated from his mate for such a long period. Death would be preferred. The family was well aware of Edward's self restraint and discipline, especially when it came to Bella, but this was ridiculous. It even made me begin to doubt whether Edward had ever been truly mated with Bella.

As the weeks turned into months, Alice continued to grieve. She put on a brave face in front of our cousins, but I knew she was suffering. It pained me to know that I couldn't relieve it and it broke my heart that she wouldn't talk to me about it. I decided to give her time and space, but it didn't seem to change things.

One night, while the others were out hunting, and we were alone, I finally broke the silence with Alice. She was sitting on a sofa, sketching, and ignoring me.

"Do you think we should check on Bella?" I asked. "It's been several months

Alice whipped her head up in surprise. I felt a wave of jealousy that was quickly covered by sadness.

"No, we promised Edward we wouldn't interfere."

I sat down beside her. "I know you miss her, Alice. We can visit Forks, make sure she's safe, and Edward will never know. It might make you feel better, give you peace."

Alice looked at me with her beautiful eyes and sighed, but said nothing.

I couldn't stand another moment of tension between us.

"What the hell is going on, Alice?" I exploded in frustration. "I don't know what I can do to make things right between us. You won't talk to me, you won't _touch_ me. I told you I was sorry for what happened, I never wanted to hurt Bella. Why are you punishing me?" my voice trailed off and I was trembling with emotion.

"I had a vision, Jasper," Alice whispered.

"And?" I asked, still frustrated.

Alice looked as if she was choosing her words carefully.

"There's someone else, Jasper," she spoke quickly, shaking her head. "I didn't expect it, I thought we were mates, but my vision confirmed that we are definitely _not_."

I leaned back and sighed. Alice and her visions. She had predicted that we would meet and we did. She had a vision of the Cullens when she was still a newborn and led us to them decades later. And there were countless other times when her visions came true. But they were all based on _decisions_ and the future was almost never set in stone.

Alice seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.

"For a few months it _was_ undecided, but last month it was set in stone. There's no possible change now."

I was surprised, but not jealous like I expected to be. Alice had been my salvation. She had shown me another world was possible when I left Maria. Alice had given me _hope_ and in return I had spent the last 60 years doing everything I could to make her happy.

But, I think we both knew, deep down in our hearts, that we were never truly mates. We didn't have the blush of never ending first love that Carlisle and Esme shared or the intensity of Emmett and Rosalie. A vampire finding a mate is a very rare thing. Our family assumed that because of the ease and happiness of our companionship that we were mated for eternity. Neither Alice nor I ever tried to correct them.

Still it didn't hurt any less to hear she wanted to be with someone other than me.

"And this is the reason you've been withdrawing from me?" I asked unhappily.

Alice nodded her head. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to react. It was a genuine surprise to me."

I starred up at the wood-beamed ceiling. "All this time I thought it was about _Bella_," I admitted with a hollow laugh.

Alice shifted uncomfortably but didn't respond.

"When will you meet him? Do you already know who it is?" I interrupted, trying to control a feeling of possessiveness. I wasn't going to just hand her over to anyone. He had to be worthy of her.

"Who?" she asked in surprise.

I raised an eyebrow and looked down at her.

"Your _mate_? The one you had a vision about?"

Alice was confused. "Um, I'm not sure," she replied hesitantly.

I groaned and wrapped my arms around her. She laid her head on my chest. It was our first physical contact in five months, 6 days, 12 hours and 15 minutes.

"Alice, I'll _always_ want you in my life. Even if we're not together, I can't imagine spending eternity without you," I murmured softly into her ear.

She was my best friend. I would always love her and want to protect her. She was my _family_.

"Me too, Jaz," Alice replied. I could feel her sincerity. I knew she was telling the truth.

Alice kissed me on the cheek and I felt her love and acceptance. Her emotions told me she wasn't rejecting me, even though she was saying goodbye.


	6. Chapter 6

**JPOV**

When our Denali cousins returned to the house at dawn, they smiled at me and Alice, with our arms around each other sitting on the sofa. Sensing the tension between us was gone, Irina mentioned something about being glad our lover's quarrel was finally over.

Alice winked at me in response. I smiled, but didn't laugh. If only Irina knew how true her words were. It _was_ over.

There was a sense of relief and freedom in the air, and I was thankful for it, but the ache in my heart didn't go away. Alice and I enjoyed a couple of more weeks together in Denali, until one day when she announced she was traveling to Mississippi to research her human life. Esme would be joining her. It was obvious to everyone that _I_ would _not_ be joining her.

The family was curious, I felt that emotion, but they didn't ask questions. Alice and I hadn't told anyone in our family, Denali _or_ Cullen, about the change in our relationship. Alice said we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

Carlisle encouraged me to join him in Ithaca and take a course at Cornell while the ladies were away. I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to do, so a few days after Alice left Denali, I went to Seattle to meet with my attorney Jenks.

I usually met with Jenks once a year. Although our family did a lot of forgery ourselves, he was helpful when we didn't have the time or the equipment with us. This visit was to get forged transcripts for admission to Cornell. I decided to be a transfer student because I was sure as hell not going to go through freshman orientation again. Once in an eternity was enough.

Waiting for the sun to disappear, I sat in a hotel room in Seattle. I was feeling grumpy and on edge. I felt sort of miserable, actually, and I figured it was due to the change in my relationship with Alice. She had always been my guide, and I felt lost without her. But, it was more than that. I had felt this way for six months, long before Alice ended our partnership.

Rather than explore my emotions, which was always consuming, I watched the evening news on television. Human news was boring, always the same issues throughout the decades, but still I watched. When a photo of Bella with a shy smile covered the screen, my eyes widened in shock.

"_In local news, the search for missing 18 year old Forks resident Isabella Swan has officially come to an end. After several weeks of extensive search and rescue attempts, the Clallum county sheriffs office informed us the high school senior's body was found in Strawberry Bay. Cause of death unknown. A memorial service will be held tonight at Forks Lutheran Church…."_

For a full minute I went numb. Then fear and remorse began to overwhelm me. Bella was _dead_? No, I refused to believe it. How could this have happened? Edward told us leaving would keep her safe! No, no, no, no, no…I collapsed into a heap on the floor.

My reaction to the news was surprising. Bella and I had never been close, but the intensity of my emotions was as if my entire world had been destroyed.

Whipping out my cell phone, I started to dial Alice's number. Before it could ring, I terminated the call. Alice loved Bella like a sister. News of Bella's death would cause her great sorrow. And when Edward found out he would surely head straight to the Volutri in some grand, dramatic gesture. Esme would be crushed…Emmett….Carlisle. Only Rosalie would be indifferent. No, I could not tell my family about what I had just learned. Not yet.

My military mind started to formulate a plan of action. Stay calm, I told myself. I would go to Forks to investigate. If Bella was dead, then I would call the family together and tell them in person. If by some miracle she was alive, then I would consult Alice about what we should do next.

Within minutes, I was in the hotel garage to retrieve my rental car. I didn't have the luxury of Edward's inner radar detector, so when I reached Highway 101, I dumped the car on the side of the road and started running. It was faster than driving and I was able to take a short cut through Olympic National Park.

While I ran I thought of Bella – of the love she had for our family, her sarcasm and wit, self doubt, and complete devotion to Edward. I growled. If anyone touched a hair on her head, there would be hell to pay. Fuck Carlisle's rules.

I arrived in Forks just as the memorial service was about to begin. The church parking lot was packed and cars were parked for almost half a mile down the road. It seemed as if everyone in town was present.

As I entered the church, I was overwhelmed by the smell of humans. After months away, I hadn't acclimated myself. Damn, I would need to leave soon. Instead of sitting in a pew, I stood in the corner in case I needed to make a quick escape. Surveying the room, I recognized faces of Bella's friends.

Mike Newton and Angela Weber exuded nothing but a sincere sense of loss. Jessica Stanley was crying, but instead of sadness, she radiated a need for attention. Charlie sat on the front row alone, slumped over, pain and exhaustion surrounding him like a cloud. The atmosphere was somber in the church, but I was able to hear bits and pieces of whispered conversation.

"_She was so depressed when Edward Cullen left…"_

"_Remember when they found her in the woods last September? She was in a coma for like a week…"_

"_Maybe she killed herself…"_

"_Chief Swan wouldn't face the facts…she wasn't mentally all there…."_

I tensed up in anger. These humans had no idea who Bella Swan actually was. How dare they make assumptions? Bella would never kill herself! Or would she? I felt a sense of doubt. Maybe our absence affected her more than Edward predicted? She was found in the woods? In a coma? Depressed? Uneasiness began to boil within me. Bella had been so good to my family and we had repaid her with abandonment.

Suddenly, a revolting smell overwhelmed the air. I followed the scent and saw six Quileute men enter, one of whom was in a wheelchair. They immediately went to Charlie and greeted him with handshakes and hugs. Their affection for him was obvious, and Charlie felt comforted by their presence. But, they displayed no grief. _Odd._

The man in the wheelchair remained with Charlie, while the others moved to lean against the wall on the right side of church. They immediately glanced in my direction as if they smelled something foul, too. When they spotted me, they were surprised and gave one another knowing looks.

When we first moved to Forks, Carlisle told me about his treaty with the Quileute tribe. They were aware of our true state of being and allowed us to stay as long as we did not change any humans or hunt on their land. The treaty had been made almost 80 years ago and I wasn't sure if this new generation of Quileutes considered it to be some silly tribal story or historical fact. However, the way these young men were looking at me told me they knew very well what I was.

One of the men locked eyes with me. "We need to talk," he spoke directly to me, even though we were separated by several rows of mourners.

I nodded and rose to leave. The intensity of his emotions told me I needed to hear what he had to say.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**A/N:** Ugh. I feel like this chapter is so awkward, but I promised an update and couldn't think of any way to smooth it out. The next few chapters will be much longer. Bella and Jasper will meet soon and that is only the beginning! Thanks for reading!

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The five Quileute men met me in the parking lot.

While their stench burned my nose, they were still _human_ and I could easily defend myself if this was an ambush. But, we were meeting in a public place and attack didn't seem to be their intention. I sensed they were on guard, but they were also hopeful.

"Did she send you?" The man who spoke seemed to be the leader, with the others flanking him on his right and left sides.

"Who?" I asked, confused.

The man looked annoyed, as if he thought I was trying to intentionally be evasive. "We want to speak with Carlisle Cullen. Is he here?"

"No. I came as a representative of the family. Bella is our friend. I came to investigate her death and see if there was anything I could do to help."

"You're too late," a tall, young one in the back muttered, thinking I couldn't hear him.

I was unable to hide or hold back the pain from the confirmation of Bella's death. It hit the men like a wave and they responded with eyes widened in surprise.

"My family will be devastated," I admitted, my voice filled with emotion. I was aware that I was being vulnerable in front of people who considered me to be their enemy. Would they take advantage of my weakness and attack? At that moment I didn't care.

Apparently touched by my sincerity, the leader glanced at the others, and then spoke.

"Jacob's right. You _are_ too late, but Bella is….alive."

Relief flooded my being. I felt like I was being given a second chance. I was so relieved I almost didn't notice the disgust and hesitancy when he mentioned the word "_alive_."

"Where is she?" I asked urgently.

"We don't know. We thought she was with you."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because she was changed into one of _you_, bloodsucker," the one called Jacob responded. The bitterness in his voice betrayed a deep resentment for my kind. He looked as if he was about to explode.

The news that Bella had been changed into a vampire was a complete shock to me. Carlisle was the only one I knew who had the restraint and control needed to initiate transformation. Had Edward returned to change her? If he did, the treaty would have been broken and I was in danger. But, if he didn't, who did? Regardless, Bella was _alive_ and finally one of us!

I sent a wave of calm toward the group and Jacob visibly relaxed, not aware of what I was doing. I added a bit of trust, hoping he would reveal more information that he was obviously holding back. Since I joined the Cullens, I rarely used my gift of influence to manipulate people. Alice had made me an honest man and Carlisle's integrity was a standard I aimed to meet. But, this was an emergency and I would do whatever it took to find out the truth about what happened to Bella.

"About a month ago, a bloodsucker invaded our land. We almost got him, but he attacked Bella before we could defend her. We took care of him, but then she disappeared," the leader explained.

I suppressed a growl, but my face tensed and I trembled with anger. Bella could have died.

"Where did he go?" I asked, ready to spring into action. These human men were no match for a _vampire_, but this attacker was about to experience my wrath.

The leader gave an amused smile. "Like I said, _we took care of him_." The others gave each other high fives.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you _sure_?"

"Yes, we're _sure_," Jacob replied, clearly irritated.

The leader gave Jacob a warning glance, but continued his story.

"We tried to follow her scent, but the rain washed it away. Three days later we caught another vampire scent near our beach. It was Bella, but she was _different_."

"She looked like a monster, her eyes were blood red and she was growling at us," Jacob recalled, with a hint of unbelief. "I barely recognized her."

"Bella didn't attack you?" I asked incredulously. For a newborn to not attack was unheard of.

Jacob looked uncomfortable. What was he hiding? "No, she didn't. Bella didn't know it was me, either. Before I could talk to her, she dove into the ocean. I kept calling her name, hoping she'd hear me, but she never returned." Jacob sighed and I felt how much he missed Bella.

"Charlie searched for her day and night for weeks. We knew unless we intervened he wouldn't stop looking for her. So, we faked her death, hoping that would give him some closure," the leader explained.

I had so many questions. Had did they "take care of" Bella's attacker? Why did Bella not attack the Quileutes? These men were being intentionally evasive, guarding a secret they definitely did not want me to know. I was using all of my influence, but they remained tightlipped. I doubted if I asked questions I would get an honest answer, so I remained silent.

"When we saw you tonight, we were hoping that Bella had sent you to let us know she was alright. You really haven't seen her?" Jacob asked with suspicion. "I was positive she would head straight to that bloodsucker Edward, that bastard who broke her heart…"

Jacob was getting agitated and I tried to calm him down, but the rage was so intense he decided to leave. "I've gotta go," he muttered, running off into the woods.

The leader looked apologetic. "Bella and Jacob were good friends. He feels very _protective_ of her.."

I looked in the direction of the woods Jacob had disappeared into and sneered. The jealousy I felt was on Edward's behalf, of course, but something in the back of my mind screamed, _"Mine!"_

"Look, we don't trust you," the leader said suddenly, interrupting my surprising possessive thoughts. "But, it's clear you care for Bella and we do, too. If you find her, please us know she's okay. We should have been there for her and we weren't. It's our fault this happened to her and we'll live with that the rest of our lives."

I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but I didn't. It was my fault for freaking out on Bella's birthday, it was Edward's fault for leaving her alone, it was the entire family's fault for not being there for Bella when she needed us the most. We welcomed her into our world, and then left her defenseless. I felt complete shame. Whether these men were something supernatural or not, I wasn't sure, but they could have never protected her like we could have, like I _should_ have.

"Thank you. I am very grateful you shared this with me. I'm going to do everything in my power to find her," I replied.

The leader nodded and started to walk backwards, keeping his face towards me. His natural instincts told him to not turn his back on me, even though I was no threat.

I turned and started running. I was filled with compassion and worry. Bella had to endure her change alone and was now facing being a newborn all alone. I knew more than anyone how unpredictable, violent and dangerous that phase could be.

I needed to find her. I _would _find her. I felt as though my very survival depended on it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

BPOV

Blood was dripping from my mouth and blood covered my hands and blood was splattered all over my clothes. I smiled, but my thirst was not quenched. The nagging, itching emptiness in my stomach demanded that I kill again. _Soon._ I was thankful to be alone because I didn't want anyone to see me this way. The only vampires I knew, the Cullens, were always in such control. I, however, felt like a savage. All I wanted was blood.

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.

When I left the islands, I kept swimming north until I saw glaciers in the ocean. Then, I made my way across the Alaskan landscape, killing whatever animals came across my path. I feasted on moose, grizzlies, wolves and caribou, and got lost in the rugged terrain. Well, technically I wasn't "lost." My new photographic memory had recorded every movement I made since I left Forks. Even though I was miles from civilization, I could easily retrace my steps to where I first started. But, I wouldn't be doing that anytime soon.

By some miracle I hadn't encountered any humans. As I got deeper and deeper into the wilderness, I didn't see any roads, trails or campgrounds and couldn't believe my good luck. I didn't want to risk being around humans because there was no way I would be able to control myself. Blood was the only thing on my mind and I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation of humans. Animal blood would be my substitute and I would keep pursuing it until my thirst was manageable. I had no idea how long that would take.

Days turned into months as I traveled through craggy ridges and glacier carved valleys, hunting for prey. The weather was intense - bordering on extremes. Sometimes it would snow and other times it would be sunny and warm. I barely noticed, however. Memories of the Cullens and bits and pieces of my human life flashed in my mind, but the most dominate thought was quenching my thirst.

Four months in the Alaskan wilderness passed before I was able to go a few days without hunting. As the burning in my throat began to lessen, I was finally able to focus on something other than my thirst for blood. My first rational thought was, ironically enough, about my thirst. Because I had devoted all my attention to it, my human memories seemed harder to recall. I couldn't even remember my last name anymore. Oddly, this didn't bother me because being a vampire felt so _right_. No, I didn't like being a savage full of bloodlust, but the speed, senses, and new abilities all felt very natural. I no longer felt like my life was over - it felt like it had just begun.

One night while running through the forest I came across an empty ranger's station. When I tried to open the door the doorknob was crushed to dust in my hand. With a gentle nudge, I knocked the door completely off it's hinges. Looking around, to see if anyone noticed the destruction, I also took a deep breath to check for humans. There were animal scents, but I didn't notice anything else, so I entered the building.

A plaque on the wall read "Gates of the Artic National Park" and a map next to it revealed it was located in the upper north east of Alaska in the Arctic circle. There was a display of brochures giving information about the park, but I kept ripping and destroying every one I touched. Apparently I was very, very strong. I would need to practice using my strength.

It took several tries, but I was finally able to hold the delicate paper in my hands. As I read the brochure, I realized I had chosen the perfect place to avoid humans. The park was only accessible by plane and didn't have many visitors because of it's remote and harsh landscape. Suddenly, I noticed something in the brochure that had been echoing in my mind for months. _Denali. _It wasn't a person or thing, it was a place - a national park. "_Maybe I should go there_?" I wondered. It had to mean something...

Putting down the brochure, I noticed a bathroom in the corner of the small building. Wanting to wash my hands, I entered it and almost screamed upon seeing the reflection of myself in the bathroom mirror. This was the first time I had looked at myself since my transformation. I still looked like Bella, but my facial features were more sharply defined. My eyes were red, but a maroon shade instead of blood red. This freaked me out. Although I _felt_ the change, seeing it was another thing. I was a _vampire_. For real.

Even though I didn't regret being changed into a vampire, the self imposed isolation was beginning to affect me. I was overcome with loneliness. At first the solitude didn't bother me - I was so focused on my bloodlust nothing else mattered. But, now that I was able to hold rational thought for my than five minutes, I was able to see how isolated and alone I really was. In this dilapidated ranger's station I was reminded of humanity - of having a "normal" life. I suddenly longed to read a book again, listen to music, have a conversation with someone. I didn't want to spend eternity as a mountain woman. I didn't want to be around humans, but I couldn't avoid them forever. Could I be a vampire and have a "normal" life?

I tried to remember the Cullens, the vampires I knew when I was human, the ones who lived "normally" but it was as if mud was in my eye. Jasper was the clearest and sharpest, although I didn't have nearly as many memories with him as I did with the others.

Although I knew I could continue living in the wilderness, I didn't want to. I looked down at my blood stained clothes and bare feet. I was a mess.

I needed a shower.

JPOV

Searching for Bella was like searching for a needle in a haystack and I was beyond frustrated. I couldn't ask random nomads if they'd seen her because I didn't trust them. As a newborn Bella was vulnerable and I wouldn't allow someone to take her from us. Who knew if her human memories survived her transformation? In my experience of training newborns, sometimes the pain of burning was the only thing a vampire could remember when they awoke. And Bella had been changed in such a brutal, half assed way. She didn't recognize her friend Jacob, would she remember me or one of my family members?

My family. Initially, I hoped to find her before they realized she was missing. While we all shared the blame in what happened to Bella, I wanted to be the one to make things right. If I hadn't attacked her, the family would still be together in Forks. Alice would still have her best friend. Edward would still have…_Bella_.

I cringed at a memory of Bella sitting in Edward's lap, his arms wrapped around her. My reaction surprised me. Why did _I_ care about their relationship? Maybe there was some guilt because I had torn them apart, but more than that I felt angry. Honestly, Edward was being such a jackass. He still hadn't returned to Forks. I had my doubts before, but now I was certain that Edward and Bella weren't mates. If they were, he would have sensed she was in danger and needed his help. And he sure the fuck wouldn't have spent the last ten months away from her without a call or visit.

Thinking of Edward only agitated me, so I tried to calm down. I was on a plane to Anchorage and returning to Denali to enlist our cousins their help in searching for Bella. After two months of looking for Bella, I finally told Alice she had been changed and was missing. Her reaction surprised me.

"What?" Alice screamed in genuine surprise. "I haven't been able to see Bella for months. Something was blocking me, honestly Jaz. I had no idea. I'm so sorry!"

Why was she apologizing to _me_? Bella was_ her_ best friend. Alice began sobbing as I told her about the situation. I felt guilty for relaying the news over the phone. I should have told her in person to help absorb some of the shock.

"It will be alright, Alice," I tried to assure her. "I'll find her. Should we tell the others?"

Alice didn't respond for a full minute and I knew she was scanning future responses based on this decision. "No!" she replied firmly. "Don't tell anyone, especially _Edward_. Until you find her, we should keep it between us."

I groaned. "Alice, Edward will be _furious_ we kept this from him."

She was silent for even a longer period, then spoke. "You're right. Edward will be furious, but if anyone other than you finds Bella the Volturi will become involved. And it will not end well."

I shuddered. Not out of fear of the Volturi, but because of genuine concern for my family. Most encounters with the Volturi ended in death or becoming a member of their guard.

Even though Alice told me I was the only one who could look for Bella, after _another _two months with no luck, I decided to ask Eleazar and Carman to help me in the search effort. If we still couldn't find Bella, I would enlist my friends Peter and Charlotte. Telling my family would be the last resort.

Other than Alice's warning about the Volturi, I wasn't sure why I was so hesitant to allow the family to search for Bella. I had a sense of duty to make things right, but it was more than that. I just didn't know what it was.

My emotions were surprising me a lot these days. I was frustrated I hadn't found Bella, but I felt a sense of peace. Somehow I knew she was safe. Having this comfort didn't lessen the intensity of my search efforts, but it helped me from going insane. However, I still worried - hoping that she would remain safe until I could rescue her, concerned she wouldn't remember me.

As soon as I arrived in Anchorage, I made my way towards Denali. But, instead of going to the family estate, I headed West to the unofficial Cullen "retreat center." Years ago Carlisle and Esme purchased several thousand acres of land and built a cabin for our family to go when we needed time to ourselves. Edward retreated there when he first met Bella, Rosalie and Emmet often spent weekends there to have time alone, and even I used it on occasion when I couldn't handle the temptation of humans. Most of the time we preferred to stay with the cousins, but every now and then, we would use this place. It was close enough to Denali to allow us to easily hunt, but isolated enough to give us privacy.

I needed to refresh my supplies, do a bit of research, and form a strategy for the next phase of search efforts. I also needed to check in with my family. Esme sent me a text message earlier in the day about wanting to do a web cam chat with her and Carlisle. She missed me and wanted to see my face. I had neglected keeping in touch, my calls and emails had been limited and I was looking forward to catching up with my adopted mother, too. But, I wouldn't be able to tell her what I really had been doing. I immediately felt guilty at the idea of lying to Esme.

Rosalie and Emmett were in New Hampshire now, studying at Cornell. Rosalie called me every day, urging me to come home to them, ranting about not understanding why both Edward and I were off the radar. My sister had tenacity and I admired her for it, but it was annoying. Alice had been dodging my calls, voicemail always answered instead of her voice. But, she sent occasional emails or text messages saying she missed me and to not give up hope. I missed her.

I had not spoken to or heard from Edward since we decided to leave Forks, almost ten months ago. I knew from Carlisle that Edward was in Rio De Janeiro, but other than that, he seemed to have fallen of the face of the earth. He was the only family member I wasn't looking forward to seeing and I didn't know why. I was such a mystery, even to myself. Maybe clarity and normalcy would return once I found Bella.

Thanks to our family's wealth, the cabin was fully equipped with all the resources one would need to orchestrate a small war. There was electricity year round, despite harsh Alaskan weather that often shut down the rest of the state, satellite television, the latest technology of computers, GPS devices, and high speed internet. Carlisle purchased the land, Esme designed the cabin, I had provided extensive collection of books that rivaled a small town public library. Alice kept closets of clothes for every member of the family, Edward stocked the music, Emmett gave us the DVD collection and Rosalie engineered a garage full of snowmobiles and Ranger Rovers particularly suited for vampires who liked speed. While punching in the alarm code to enter the cabin, I couldn't help but smile, thinking of how each member of the family contributed something from their personality to make it feel so comfortable, so much like a home. I wondered why we didn't come here more often.

As soon as I entered, the telephone rang. Caller ID told me it was Carlisle. He was alerted by text message whenever the house was occupied. It was for security reasons, but each family had their own special security code so he knew it was me.

"Hello, Carlisle…" I greeted, as I picked up the phone.

"Jasper! I've missed you, son. Taking a little retreat, are you?" Carlisle's warmth and affection for me was evident, even though I couldn't read his emotions over the phone. Some men were uncomfortable expressing their emotions, but Carlisle was not. I liked that. As an empath, someone who could read and feel everyone's emotions all the time, it was refreshing when someone, like Carlisle, was honest with their emotions. If Carlisle missed me, he would tell me he missed me. He would never try to hide it. Esme was the same way.

"I've missed you too, Carlisle," I admitted. "I'm sorry I've been so horrible at keeping in touch. I really have no excuse."

Carlisle sighed. "It seems so many members of our family is preoccupied these days - you, Alice, Edward. I hope things will return to normal soon. Esme and I were discussing the possibility of the family spending Christmas in Forks, to visit Bella…"

"That would be nice," I interrupted, not wanting to admit to him that returning to Forks to see Bella would be fruitless because she wasn't there. "Hopefully Edward will come to his senses soon and lift the "ban" of contacting her," I added.

My adopted father was silent for a moment. "Hopefully," he echoed.

Carlisle sounded so sad and it hurt me to hear it. He was the rock of the family, always consistent and positive. This sadness was very uncharacteristic of him.

"Sorry to cut this short, Carlisle, but I need to hunt," I said, using this truth as an excuse to end the conversation.

"Will Esme and I see you tonight on Skype? She's so looking forward to seeing you."

Inwardly I groaned. It could not be avoided.

"Yes, I'll talk to you again tonight," I agreed. "Maybe the others can join us?"

This suggestion seemed to improve Carlisle's mood. "Good idea!" he responded cheerfully. "Talk to you again tonight, son. Be safe."

"Bye, Carlisle," I replied simply, hanging up the phone.

Alice warned me to not tell the family about Bella, but I couldn't keep the truth from them any longer. I didn't want to lie to them and Cullens generally didn't keep secrets from one another. I would tell them the truth about Bella _tonight_.

Everything was about to change. I could feel it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**A/N:** From now on the rating will be more "M" for sexual tones and tensions. I've never written lemons before, and I don't know how far I'll go, but there will be "mature" themes, so it's just a warning.

Also, there are a lot of Jasper fans in the fandom! Thank you so much for all the story alerts and those of you who have made this a "favorite" story. Reviews/comments help a story gain momentum and more readers, so I would appreciate it if you could leave a review/comment and let me know what you think. I love it when you guys figure things out or just "get" what I'm trying to do. Thank you for reading!

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**BPOV**

Cautiously I made my way south. It wasn't my vampire instincts that led the way, I swiped a compass from the ranger station. I also managed to wash my face and hands, comb out my hair with my fingers, and "borrow" a ranger's jacket to cover my ripped and blood stained clothes. I was still barefoot, though.

Leaving the protection of the Gates of the Arctic was an _experiment_. My goal was to find an empty hunter's lodge or campground where I could take a shower, get a fresh change of clothes and shoes, and if I was _lucky_, maybe a book or two. Before I departed I filled myself with caribou blood, so much so that I felt a bit sloshy inside. Hopefully I was satisfied enough to maintain rational thought if I encountered a human.

I stayed under the cover of trees, my hearing and smell on alert for others. It never occurred to me I might cross paths with another vampire. Vampires would be where there was an ample human population and the Alaskan wilderness definitely wasn't it.

I didn't have a watch and my concept of time was a little messed up since I was now an immortal who never slept, and the Alaskan summers didn't have many hours of night time, so I wasn't sure how long I had been traveling. I crossed several rivers, ran through beautiful fields, and climbed over rugged mountains. However, there were no signs of human life and I began to get impatient. I didn't want to face temptation before I was ready, but there was such a sense of expectation within me. The further I traveled the more I felt like I was heading toward my destiny.

And then I saw it.

Nestled under gorgeous evergreen trees, on the bank of a lake, stood a two story log cabin. There were no roads or cars surrounding it, and while it seemed well maintained it looked deserted. Perfect!

The front door was unlocked, which was peculiar, but I was so excited I didn't crush the doorknob that I ignored the detail. The cabin was very nice – more of a millionaire's retreat than a hunter's lodge. The great room had a huge stone fireplace, an entire wall of books from floor to ceiling, and several large sofas and plush arm chairs. There was a rather small kitchen, a formal dining room, and a room that was locked (and I refrained from knocking down the door.). On the second floor I discovered four large suites – each with their own sitting area, bedroom and bathroom.

"Wow," I couldn't help but whisper, completely impressed with the luxury and style of the cabin.

I didn't know if the owner would return in an hour or a year, but I wanted to take advantage of the shower immediately.

Leaving a trail of clothes, I turned on the shower in one of the suites and jumped in with glee. The hot water felt so good and I felt months of tension and anxieties evaporate. There was a fancy smelling shampoo on a shelf, and I happily washed the blood, mud and dirt from my hair.

As I washed my body, I realized this was the first time since my transformation that I had seen myself _naked_. I had always been slender, but my new body was toned and my breasts seemed larger and more perky. Damn, I looked good. I didn't expect a hot body to be part of the deal in being changed, but I certainly wasn't going to complain.

Suddenly, I heard a click and a woosh of wind. Someone was in the cabin! I froze, knowing I only had a couple of seconds to react, but realizing I was vulnerable and not prepared to fight.

Before I could turn off the water and run, the shower curtain flew back and I was standing naked in front of a yellow eyes, blond haired, _male_ vampire.

"Bella?" he asked, in complete shock.

Instinct took over and I growled. Within half a second, I ripped the shower curtain lose to cover myself, and jumped to the opposite side of the bathroom. I crouched in a defensive position, snarling. Rational thought was gone and I was all monster.

The man had not moved an inch. Very calmly he turned to face me.

"Bella, it's me – _Jasper_."


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**A/N:** Thanks to NewTownGirl for being a beta for this chapter! And thank you to all who leave comments and have added the story as a favorite or put it on alert. It's an encouragement to keep writing. Thanks!

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**JPOV**

As soon as I returned from hunting, I caught the scent of an unfamiliar vampire on the property.

"Damn, I didn't set the alarm," I remembered.

I heard the shower running in Esme and Carlisle's suite. Was a nomad actually taking a shower in our cabin? There was only one scent, so it would be an even fight, if it came to that. I was curious why he hadn't responded yet. Surely, he had caught my scent as well. Why was he still showering? Was it a trick? I didn't hesitate in heading straight to the bathroom to confront the trespasser.

I yanked open the shower curtain and couldn't believe my eyes. It was Bella!

A very _naked _Bella.

Shock was the only thing that kept me from becoming aroused.

"Bella?" I gasped.

Although I saw a flash of recognition in her eyes, she quickly covered herself with the shower curtain and jumped across the room. Her movements were graceful and impressive for a newborn.

"Bella, it's me – _Jasper_," I spoke calmly.

I couldn't read her emotions at all – and that confused me. Certainly she was feeling something – her body language revealed she was ready to defend herself.

I smiled tentatively, sending calm in her direction, but it bounced back to me. It was as if something was blocking my influence. We stared at each other in silence for what seemed like hours until suddenly I felt her emotions like a crash of an ocean wave.

"Jasper?" she whispered. "It is really you?"

Her excitement and relief washed over me and was met with my own. Surprisingly, she ran and threw her arms around me. With her newborn strength, her crushing grip hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to complain. I couldn't believe she was in my arms.

"I can't believe it's really you! I didn't think I'd ever see you again," Bella exclaimed.

Considering the last time I saw her I was trying to kill her, this warm welcome was unexpected. I nestled my face in her hair, returning the hug. She smelled so good and holding her felt so right. I was also fully aware of her naked body pressed against me.

I needed to be a gentleman. This was _Bella_, after all. Edward's partner. She wasn't mine, but, I didn't want to let her go.

Thankfully, Bella seemed to realize her nakedness. Her eyes widened, and if she was still human I knew she'd be blushing. She smiled sheepishly as I handed her a towel.

With vampire speed she replaced the shower curtain with the towel, but without showing any more skin. I wanted another peek, but the first image of her dripping wet in the shower would forever be burned into my memory.

"This is Carlisle and Esme's suite," I explained. "Esme has a closet full of clothes, courtesy of Alice, of course. Help yourself. I'll wait for you downstairs."

Bella nodded and walked towards the closet.

It was pure torture to leave her and I couldn't force myself to go downstairs. Instead, I waited outside the door. Bella emerged a few minutes later wearing jeans, a blue sweater and hiking boots. She looked lovely.

It was my turn to smile sheepishly for waiting outside the door like a puppy dog. She returned the smile and as we walked down the stairs we couldn't take our eyes off one another. It was as if I was truly seeing Bella Swan for the first time. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

I led her to the great room where we sat side by side on the sofa.

"Bella," I took such pleasure in saying her name. "How _are _you?"

I'd already seen her naked body and it was clear of any signs of attack. Physically she was perfect, but how was she emotionally, mentally?

She smiled. "I'm…okay. As you can see, I'm like you now," she replied, with a shrug. "It didn't happen how I imagined it would, but I'm trying to make the best of it. I was trying to avoid being around humans, so I kept going north. I ended up in the Gates of the Arctic for the last four months. _Denali_ was always in my mind, but I didn't know what it meant. When I came out of my blood fog, I finally decided to pursue the thought. When I saw Denali on a map in a ranger's station, I decided to head south."

Bella nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked up at me. "I had no idea this was your cabin. I'm sorry for being here without your permission; I was just in desperate need of a shower. I've been living rather _primitively_ these days."

"Please don't apologize. I'm so happy to see you!" I replied, sending waves of my happiness and relief. "So, you remember me?" I asked, wondering what human memories she retained. "I was worried you wouldn't. We didn't spend a lot of time together…"

"I remember you the most, actually," she interrupted with a smile. "I've missed you these last few months, Jasper. I thought, "God, I wish Jasper was here to calm me down!"

This made me worried and happy at the same time. Did she remember how I tried to attack her? I wanted her to feel safe with me, I wanted her to trust me. I smiled, but was filled with concern.

"It's difficult being a newborn," I responded with a frown. "The moment I learned you had been changed, I started searching for you."

"You were searching for me?" she asked, with genuine surprise. "How did you know? I was alone when I was attacked." Her eyes widened and I felt her fear. "Did Laurent tell you? Is he still alive?"

Bella stood up, her eyes searching the room for a threat, her protective instincts on full alert. I stood up with her, trying to calm her down.

"Laurent is dead. You're safe, Bella," I assured her, holding her hands in mine. As soon as I touched her, she immediately relaxed.

"Are you doing this Jasper?" she asked, eyebrows arched. She wasn't mad, just slightly suspicious.

"Do you mind?" I asked warily. "Earlier I tried to calm you, but it kept bouncing back to me, like you were blocking me."

Her eyes flickered with recognition, as if my words reminded her of something.

"No, I don't mind. Thank you," she replied. We sat back down on the sofa, but remained holding hands. "Even though it's getting better, I still don't feel like myself. My emotions are all over the place – I'm constantly on edge, hostile. This is _nice_. I appreciate it."

It pleased me to know I was able to help her, in some small way. I continued my story of her search.

"I was in Seattle and heard on the news you were dead. I went to Forks to investigate and the Quileute's and your friend Jacob told me what happened."

Her eyes widened in shock and she let go of my hands. I missed her touch immediately.

"I'm sorry, if this is too difficult we can talk about it later."

Bella shook her head. "The Quileute's? I clearly remember everything from the moment I was changed, but I never saw him or the Quileute's, Jasper. I only saw a pack of wolves. Wolves saved me from Laurent, but then after I was transformed the same wolves tried to attack me at the beach."

Anger rushed through me. They neglected to tell me that part of the story. "They tried to attack you?"

Bella saw my outrage and tried to reassure me. "One lunged at me, but he wasn't able to get near me. Something caused him to bounce back. " She paused. "Are the Quileute's _wolves_?"

I nodded. "Apparently they are – probably _werewolves_, extremely dangerous and impulsive creatures, with little control. Vampires are their natural enemy. With our family taking up residence in Forks, a new pack most likely emerged from the tribe." It would explain their evasiveness when I was questioning them, their scent, and obvious disdain for me.

Bella was deep in thought, putting the pieces together. "That explains why they tried to help me as a human and attack me as a vampire…"

Even though I was jealous about her and Jacob's supposed "friendship," I wanted to be fair.

"Jacob told me that after you jumped into the ocean, he called your name, hoping you'd return. He still cares…and he's worried about you."

She seemed comforted by this news. "I did hear someone calling my name, but I thought it was my imagination. Does Charlie and Renee know what happened to me?"

When Bella looked into my eyes, my stomach was filled with butterflies. It was as if the world disappeared and it was only the two of us. In fact, I felt a little dizzy. For the first time that evening, I took my eyes off of Bella, closing them to regain focus. Coming to my senses, I opened them and gently held her hands again.

"No, they don't. Not really. The Quileute's faked your death. I'm not sure how they did it, but they wanted to give Charlie closure. He was devastated. I didn't see Renee at the funeral."

Bella was overwhelmed with sadness. "Would you please tell the Quileute's that I'm safe and that I appreciate all they've done to take care of Charlie?" She stood up, crossed the room and looked out the window.

Not bearing to see her in such sorrow, I joined her by the window and pulled her into a hug. I expected her newborn instincts to react with resistance, but she gladly accepted the embrace.

"Thank you," she whispered, allowing herself to be comforted with my affection.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I know this is difficult to hear."

"I've been too distracted by my thirst to think much about it, but I'm glad to know what happened. I guess I needed closure, too." She radiated misery as the reality of her lost life began to sink in.

Wanting to soothe her pain, I acted on impulse. Cupping her face with my hands, I leaned in and kissed her gently, sending all the comfort I could express. The passion that erupted from within me was unlike anything I'd ever felt with Maria or Alice. Maria had been nothing but lust and physical desire. With Alice, there had been love and respect, but very little passion.

With this one, simple kiss, there was a combination of lust, love, respect, passion, all wrapped up in…holiness.

"_There is a holiness to the heart's affections_," echoed in my mind. It was a line from a poem by John Keats….

Time stood still as the months of loneliness and aching vanished from my heart. It was like a puzzle piece being put into place or the click of a key unlocking a door. I felt extremely vulnerable, but also like I could suddenly conquer the world. I felt out of control and that scared me.

When Bella didn't kiss me back I was knocked back to reality.

I took two steps back. "I'm so sorry Bella!" I exclaimed, although it was a lie. I wasn't sorry at all. But, I was sincerely shocked at my actions.

She put a hand to her lips and seemed a bit disoriented. "It was only a kiss, don't worry about it," she mumbled and turned her back to me to walk to sit on the sofa.

I was crestfallen. Only a kiss? Didn't she feel anything? It seemed so unlike Bella to be unemotional.

"_Too soon, Whitlock. Too soon_," I warned myself.

Was I an idiot? Bella was still a newborn. And she was barely six months into it. Her openness and immediate trust of me was remarkable. Here I was about to screw it all up. What was happening to me? Had I gone temporarily insane?

"Really, Bella. I am truly sorry," I apologized again, this time meaning it.

"Don't worry about it, Jasper," she assured me. "Have I told you yet how I destroyed an ecosystem?" she joked, breaking the tension.

I didn't know what to say. Bella was trying to ease my embarrassment, yet how could I ignore what just happened?

"Uh, no!" I replied awkwardly. "But please do!"

With her trademark wit and sarcasm, Bella began to tell me about overindulging on the islands, _swimming_ to Alaska, and the months she spent in the Gates of the Arctic. She was the victim of such a tragedy, but made the most of it.

"Bella, I am honestly impressed. Your creativity, control and self sufficiency is…_amazing_."

Bella shrugged. "I had to do what I had to do."

I looked at the floor in shame. I hadn't even scratched the surface for all the things I needed to beg her forgiveness for. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you Bella. I'm so sorry I tried to attack you on your birthday, I'm sorry for listening to Edward…"

The compassion and concern I felt from Bella disappeared the moment I mentioned Edward's name. I looked up in alarm, afraid she had fled, but she was still sitting there, her face filled with compassion, I just couldn't _feel_ it. My apology would have to be delayed. I had to find out what she was doing.

"Bella, did you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?" she replied, worried she was doing something wrong.

"Block your emotions."

She looked confused. "I don't know," she replied honestly.

I smiled at her and suddenly she was back. Her emotions radiated peace. She was doing something, but wasn't aware of it. One day I would take her to Eleazar. His gift was recognizing gifts in other vampires. He would be able to help Bella discover her gift because she definitely had one and it was driving me crazy.

Suddenly, the cabin phone and my cell phone rang at the same time. Bella jumped up in alarm.

"Damn, I was supposed to Skype with Carlisle and Esme and I completely forgot about it. Wonder why?" I joked. "They will be so happy to see you!"

Bella didn't smile and I felt panic begin to radiate from her.

"I should go," Bella mumbled, looking at the door.

"No, no, no," I protested. "Don't leave. You don't have to talk….I'll get rid of them!"

I made the mistake of turning my back to her to reach for the phone.

When I looked up, Bella was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

**JPOV**

"I'll call you later," I answered roughly, hanging up the house phone.

My cell phone stopped ringing, but buzzed several times with what were undoubtedly text messages. I'd never been so rude to Carlisle and Esme and I knew they were worried I was in danger. I ran as fast I could, following Bella's scent into the forest. As a newborn she was faster than me, but I would eventually catch up. I would chase her until I held her in my arms again.

Within a couple of minutes I caught sight of Bella – she was a graceful runner, even for a vampire. I was mesmerized by her movements and had a hard time focusing on the fact that I was trying to stop her. She wasn't running that fast and I reached out for her.

"Bella, stop!" I called. "Please!"

If I were to touch her, she could easily pull my arm off in rage, but I was willing to take the risk. My hand grabbed her shoulder and I pulled her around to face me. She didn't resist.

Bella looked at the ground, refusing to meet my eyes. I crouched down so we could be face to face. She was deeply troubled and it was more than a newborn mood swing.

"What happened? Why did you leave so quickly?" I rubbed her back gently. "You didn't even say goodbye," I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"I shouldn't have come here, I'm sorry to have intruded. Thanks for the clothes…I'll be on my way now," she mumbled in response.

My eyes widened. Was she serious?

"Bella – I want you…."

She looked at me in shock.

"I want you to _stay_…" I continued, nervously. "I spent the last four months trying to find you. I don't want you to leave!"

Bella looked at the ground again. "I just thought you didn't want me…"

I put a finger under her chin to lift her head so that she would look me in the eyes and see my sincerity. Our faces were only inches apart.

"How could you think I didn't want you?" I asked huskily. "Look, if it's about your birthday party, I am so sorry for attacking you. I am so ashamed at myself for acting that way. I don't really understand what happened that night, but please _forgive me_…"

"My birthday party?" Bella asked. "Whatever happened, I forgive you, Jasper. Truly I do. But, I don't even remember that night." She was embarrassed about her lack of human memories.

"So why would you think I wanted you to leave?" I asked, replaying the events of the evening, wondering what I could have done to communicate that to her.

Bella was uncomfortable, but looked me straight in the eye.

"I don't remember much from my human life. But, I do remember you and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme…and _Edward._"

There was fondness in her voice when she mentioned my family, but panic and pain when she said Edward's name.

"I remember Edward telling me he didn't want me," she explained matter of factly. "When Carlisle and Esme called, it suddenly occurred to me that they might not want me either, that _you_ didn't want me."

Bella looked as if she was going to cry. "I lost your family once, I couldn't handle it if I lost you a second time. Jacob was there for me when Edward and your family left, but now I'm all alone… I have to protect myself. "

I was torn between an impulse to fly to Rio, hunt Edward down and rip him limb from limb, and an impulse to pull Bella into my arms. I chose the latter.

I wrapped my arms around Bella and held her tightly. She laid her head on my chest and sobbed.

"Edward is an idiot, Bella," I murmured softly. "Of course we want you."

I felt the burden she was carrying of months of loneliness, the impact of dealing with her transformation alone. Lifting Bella into my arms to carry her back to the cabin, I sent waves of relaxation so that she was lulled into a sleep like trance. She didn't object and wrapped her arms around my neck, the tension in her body evaporating.

"_I _want you," I whispered too softly for her to hear.

And I meant it. I wanted Bella.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

**A/N:** I spent all morning working on this instead of working at my job! Maybe you will reward me with a comment/review? :) Thanks for reading!

* * *

BPOV

"Sorry for being so emo last night," I apologized.

When I opened my eyes I saw Jasper sitting in an oversized chair across the room from the bed in which I was lying. In the Arctic I was just as comfortable on a sheet of ice as in the bed, but the 700 thread count sheets was pretty comfortable, too. And whatever magic Jasper had manipulated over the last few hours for me was _amazing_. It wasn't sleep, but it certainly felt like it. For several hours I was completely relaxed, all my erratic newborn emotions were at peace.

Jasper winked at me. "Don't worry about it. You've been through a lot."

I should have been embarrassed by my actions, by falling apart emotionally and letting Jasper comfort me, but I wasn't. I felt really comfortable with Jasper. Since I was changed, I focused so much on surviving and chasing my thirst that I hadn't had time to process the trauma I'd actually been through. Finding Jasper made me confront reality and I didn't handle it gracefully. I became an emotional wreck.

When he found me in the shower, I was shocked, embarrassed and ready to fight. But, when I realized it was him, I was overcome with excitement and threw my arms around him. It suddenly hit me that I hadn't seen another person – vampire or human – in 163 days. I thought I was okay with being alone, until I saw him and realized I wasn't okay with it at all. I had been excruciatingly lonely – it was almost too much to bear.

"I can't believe it's really you! I didn't think I'd ever see you again," I exclaimed.

When he hugged me back I realized I was practically naked. I was so glad to not be human because I would have been blushing head to toe. Jasper didn't seem phased however, and handed me a towel.

"This is Carlisle and Esme's suite," he explained. "Esme has a closet full of clothes, courtesy of Alice, of course. Help yourself. I'll wait for you downstairs."

When he left, I missed him immediately. I was glad he waited for me instead of going downstairs. With gentleman-like manners, he led me to the great room where we sat side by side on the sofa.

"Bella, how _are _you?" he asked. Such a simple question, but so full of meaning.

I was touched by his genuine concern and smiled.. "I'm…okay," I replied. "As you can see, I'm like you now," she replied, with a shrug. "It didn't happen how I imagined it would, but I'm trying to make the best of it. I was trying to avoid being around humans, so I kept going north. I ended up in the Gates of the Arctic for the last four months. _Denali_ was always in my mind, but I didn't know what it meant. When I came out of my blood fog, I finally decided to pursue the thought. When I saw Denali on a map in a ranger's station, I decided to head south."

I was nervous – I had just shown up at his house without an invitation. He seemed pleased to see me, but I felt the need to apologize. "I had no idea this was your cabin. I'm sorry for being here without your permission; I was just in desperate need of a shower. I've been living rather _primitively_ these days."

"Please don't apologize. I'm so happy to see you!" he replied, and I immediately felt relieved. "So, you remember me?" he asked. "I was worried you wouldn't. We didn't spend a lot of time together…"

Jasper was so…adorable. It was incredibly endearing that he was worried I had forgotten him. How could I ever forget him or the Cullens?

"I remember you the most, actually," I interrupted with a smile. "I've missed you these last few months, Jasper. I thought, "God, I wish Jasper was here to calm me down!"

"It's difficult being a newborn," he responded with a frown. "The moment I learned you had been changed, I started searching for you."

"You were searching for me?" I asked, with genuine surprise. "How did you know? I was alone when I was attacked." Fear started to overwhelm me. "Did Laurent tell you? Is he still alive?"

I stood up, my eyes searching the room for a threat, a growl suppressed in my throat. I would protect myself _and_ Jasper if anyone tried to attack us. I wasn't a weak human anymore. I was strong.

"Laurent is dead. You're safe, Bella," Jasper assured me, taking my hands into his own. His touch immediately calmed me and it went deep to my core.

"Are you doing this Jasper?" I asked suspiciously.

"Do you mind?" he replied. "Earlier I tried to calm you, but it kept bouncing back to me, like you were blocking me."

The words "bouncing back" reminded me of when the wolf tried to attack me at the beach. When he lunged for me, he bounced back. Was there a connection?

"No, I don't mind. Thank you," I replied. We sat back down on the sofa, but remained holding hands. It was comforting to have physical contact with another creature after spending so much time alone. "Even though it's getting better, I still don't feel like myself. My emotions are all over the place – I'm constantly on edge, hostile. This is _nice_. I appreciate it."

Jasper continued his story. "I was in Seattle and heard on the news you were dead. I went to Forks to investigate and the Quileute's and your friend Jacob told me what happened."

My eyes widened in shock and I let go of my hands. I was confused and felt defensive.

"I'm sorry, if this is too difficult we can talk about it later."

I shook my head. "The Quileute's? I clearly remember everything from the moment I was changed, but I never saw him or the Quileute's, Jasper. I only saw a pack of wolves. Wolves saved me from Laurent, but then after I was transformed the same wolves tried to attack me at the beach."

"They tried to attack you?" Jasper asked, full of anger. He seemed ready to defend me right then and there. I appreciated his protectiveness, but I didn't want him to go after Jacob.

"One lunged at me, but he wasn't able to get near me. Something caused him to bounce back…Are the Quileute's _wolves_?"

He nodded. "Apparently they are – probably _werewolves_, extremely dangerous and impulsive creatures, with little control. Vampires are their natural enemy. With our family taking up residence in Forks, a new pack most likely emerged from the tribe."

I recalled my experiences with the wolves. "That explains why they tried to help me as a human and attack me as a vampire…"

Jasper squeezed my hand. "Jacob told me that after you jumped into the ocean, he called your name, hoping you'd return. He still cares…and he's worried about you."

So Jacob didn't hate me completely, even though I was his enemy. That was good, I guessed. "I did hear someone calling my name, but I thought it was my imagination. Does Charlie and Renee know what happened to me?"

Jasper closed his eyes, ran his fingers through his hair, then held my hands again.

"No, they don't. Not really. The Quileute's faked your death. I'm not sure how they did it, but they wanted to give Charlie closure. He was devastated. I didn't see Renee at the funeral."

I was overcome with sadness. Death and closure. I would never see my parents again. While I already knew this was true, this confirmation hit me like a ton of bricks. Renee would be okay, she had Phil. Who did Charlie have? It seemed Jacob was taking care of him and I would always be grateful to him for that.

"Would you please tell the Quileute's that I'm safe and that I appreciate all they've done to take care of Charlie?" I stood up to cross the room and look out the window.

If I could cry, I would have. My parents thought I was dead and my best friend was a werewolf who considered vampires as his enemy. It had been easier to focus on my thirst instead of the reality that my life had been completely changed when I was _changed._ Now I had no option but to confront it and accept it.

Before I could drown in sorry, Jasper joined me by the window and wrapped his arms around me. His comfort was exactly what I needed. When Jasper touched me, I felt his _strength_. I felt like everything would be okay.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I know this is difficult to hear."

"I've been too distracted by my thirst to think much about it, but I'm glad to know what happened. I guess I needed closure, too."

With his eyes full of compassion, Jasper held my face in his hands and leaned in to kiss me. I trembled when his lips touched mine. I thought I would faint.

It was such a pure, holy, sacred moment; I didn't know how to react. I knew, even as a human, I had never experienced anything like _this_ before.

Jasper took two steps back and I almost grabbed him, wanting to pull him back to be closer to me, but I restrained myself.

"I'm so sorry Bella!" he exclaimed, with a look of horror on his face.

I put a hand to my lips. Had I imagined it? Did I kiss him or did he kiss me?

"It was only a kiss, don't worry about it," I mumbled, trying to cover up the fact that my body as roaring with passion. I walked to the sofa and was glad he couldn't see my face – I was smiling, incredulous and _confused._ Wasn't he with Alice? In all of my human memories they were always together. He was only trying to comfort. He must have felt my reaction to the kiss and realized I had misinterpreted it.

"Really, Bella. I am truly sorry," he apologized again.

"Don't worry about it, Jasper," I assured him. Wanting to ease the awkwardness, I changed the subject. "Have I told you yet how I destroyed an ecosystem?"

"Uh, no!" he replied. "But please do!"

I began to tell him the details of the last few months since I had been changed, making fun of myself for my overindulgence and entire focus on the search for blood.

"Bella, I am honestly impressed. Your creativity, control and self sufficiency is…_amazing_," Jasper praised me.

I shrugged. "I had to do what I had to do."

Jasper suddenly looked serious. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you Bella. I'm so sorry I tried to attack you on your birthday, I'm sorry for listening to Edward…"

_Edward._ I hadn't heard that name in months. I hadn't allowed myself to think of him. His memory was barely a whisper, but I felt myself tense up.

"Bella, did you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" I replied, worried she was doing something wrong.

"Block your emotions."

I was confused. "I don't know," I replied honestly.

Jasper smiled at me and I felt as if all was right with the world. I longed to be near him, to touch him, to feel his embrace again.

Suddenly, the cabin was filled with noise and I jumped up in alarm. What was happening? I felt hostile – ready to attack.

"Damn, I was supposed to Skype with Carlisle and Esme and I completely forgot about it," Jasper explained. "Wonder why?" he joked. "They will be so happy to see you!"

_I don't want you, I don't want you, I don't want you_…echoed in my mind a thousand times at once. I was not wanted by Edward and the Cullens wouldn't want me either. _I don't want you, I don't want you, I don't want you_

"I should go," I mumbled, looking at the door.

"No, no, no," he protested. His eyes were filled with panic. "Don't leave. You don't have to talk….I'll get rid of them!"

When Jasper turned, I fled the cabin, running as fast as I could into the woods. My very being told me to stay with Jasper, that I could trust him, that he would want me, but I couldn't escape Edward's words. If Edward didn't want me, then why would Carlisle and Esme or the rest of the Cullens? Why would Jasper?

I slowed my running, trying to make sense of my thoughts, when I heard Jasper call my name.

"Bella, stop! Please!"

He grabbed my shoulder and I allowed him to pull my around to face him. I didn't really want to leave him, but I didn't want to endure more heartache.

I looked at the ground, refusing to meet his eyes.

"What happened? Why did you leave so quickly?" he asked, rubbing my back, trying to calm me down. "You didn't even say goodbye."

"I shouldn't have come here, I'm sorry to have intruded. Thanks for the clothes…I'll be on my way now," I replied meekly.

"Bella – I want you…." Jasper immediately responded and I looked up in shock. How did he know what I was thinking?

"I want you to _stay_…" he continued. He seemed anxious. "I spent the last four months trying to find you. I don't want you to leave!"

I looked at the ground again. "I just thought you didn't want me…" I replied awkwardly.

Jasper looked deep into my eyes and I was filled with warmth.

"How could you think I didn't want you?" he asked. "Look, if it's about your birthday party, I am so sorry for attacking you. I am so ashamed at myself for acting that way. I don't really understand what happened that night, but please _forgive me_…"

"My birthday party?" I exclaimed. I had no idea what he was referring to. "Whatever happened, I forgive you, Jasper. Truly I do. But, I don't even remember that night." Damn, I wish I could remember more of my human memories, but they seemed miles away.

"So why would you think I wanted you to leave?" he asked.

Ugh. I had to tell him the truth. How would he respond? I braced myself.

"I don't remember much from my human life. But, I do remember you and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme…and _Edward _. I remember Edward telling me he didn't want me," she explained matter of factly. "When Carlisle and Esme called, it suddenly occurred to me that they might not want me either, that _you_ didn't want me."

Heartache overwhelmed me and I was on the verge of collapsing. "I lost your family once, I couldn't handle it if I lost you a second time. Jacob was there for me when Edward and your family left, but now I'm all alone… I have to protect myself. "

Jasper wrapped his arms around me and held tightly. He always seemed to know the perfect thing to do. I began to sob, unraveling emotionally. I had never been this exposed or vulnerable with my feelings.

"Edward is an idiot, Bella," Jasper murmured softly. "Of course we want you."

I believed him.

Jasper lifted me into his arms and began walking back to the cabin. He whispered something, but I wasn't able to decipher it since I was almost unconscious from his relaxation technique.

As I recalled all this, I should have been embarrassed at being so honest with Jasper. But, I trusted him, I felt safe with him and…my throat was burning with thirst.

"I need to hunt," I announced, sitting up in bed.

"Okay," Jasper replied.

"Would you come with me?" I asked, shyly.

"Of course," he answered, but he didn't smile. I didn't have to be an empath to notice he was being more reserved than when I first arrived. Worry overwhelmed me. Was he upset with me? Maybe I had been too transparent with him. The burning in my throat increased, distracting my thoughts. Why was Jasper sitting so far away from me?

Suddenly, Jasper was standing in front of me, offering his hand.

"It would be my pleasure to hunt with you, Miss Swan," he spoke, with a hint of a Southern accent I'd never noticed before.

Swan. My last name was _Swan_. I had forgotten that. I looked at Jasper and realized he held a key to my past and also to my future.

I put my hand in his and followed him out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

JPOV

I was freaking out. Yes, that was the modern expression for what I was feeling. I felt ecstasy and despair, elation and devastation. I was falling apart – in a good way. Everything was being reformed. But, this was not my normal mode of operation. I was always in control. I always had a plan. Except, in this case I didn't. It had been slowly building over the last six months and last night it exploded.

Bella was my fucking _mate_.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew it was true.

What the hell, Universe? This was the last thing I expected to happen to me. Bella was Edward's partner, even if they were estranged. He still loved her, but now I loved her, too. He was going to be a problem. Could two men be mated to the same woman? Surely not. Maybe? I couldn't share her, I wouldn't. And Alice? Did she know this was going to happen? Is that why she broke up with me?

I needed to talk to Carlisle. He was Stregoni Benefici after all. He had studied vampires for centuries, analyzed our habits and tendencies. Maybe he could explain what happened to me. I didn't know what to do. It wasn't as if I was inexperienced with women, though. As a human I had my fair share of conquests. My natural charisma always helped to woo the ladies, but I never settled down. When I was changed, I was with Maria out of ignorance. With Alice, I committed myself wholeheartedly to our relationship and made a lifewith her. But I could not compare either relationship to how I felt about Bella.

I wanted Bella. Always and forever. There was no one else for me. Fuck, that was cheesy. But, I was feeling cheesy. I wanted to run through a meadow and spin Bella in my arms, then lower her to the ground and make love to her. But, it was more than physical desire. I felt like my molecular structure had been changed and now I was fused to Bella – for eternity.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked. I was absorbing my emotions, but Bella was perceptive. She knew something was wrong.

"Just a lot on my mind," I responded casually and squeezed her hand.

Bella nodded, but didn't seem satisfied with my response.

We were running through the wilderness, in search of prey. I was intentionally leading us in the opposite direction of the Denali clan headquarters. Meeting them would only complicate things and potentially upset Bella.

My Bella was a fierce hunter. She was messy, no doubt, getting blood all over her clothes, but she was very focused and skilled in her attack. It was fascinating to watch her, remembering her timidity as a human, but now seeing her fearless….and frightening. I was impressed.

When we were both satisfied, full of warm animal blood from our hunt, we headed back to the cabin. Bella took a shower and I tried to be a gentleman and not entertain thoughts of her naked and wet, but it was very, very difficult. As I did when she first arrived, I stood outside the door of the suite waiting for her. Although I tried to act as if it was merely coincidence that I was meeting her in the hallway at the same moment she was finished, Bella knew I had been waiting for her and gave me a smirk.

As we walked downstairs, she spoke.

"Why are you looking at me that way?"

"What way?" I asked.

"Like you're worried I'm going to take off, like I'm a flight risk."

Damn, she was very, very perceptive. "Are you?"

"No. I'd like to stay here awhile, if that's okay with you."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Of course. We can stay here as long as you like."

Did she notice how I used _we_? If she did, she didn't let it show.

"Would you mind if I browse your library?" she asked, looking at the bookshelves in the great room. "I've missed reading."

"Bella, you don't have to ask. Please consider this _your _home." _Our_ home, I added silently.

"Thanks. I'll try to be gentle," she replied with a playful smile, acknowledging her newborn strength she was learning to control. There probably would be a few damaged books, but I didn't care. They were easily replaced.

Bella settled into a chair to read, while I stretched out on the sofa next to her, picking up my laptop to email the family. I needed to apologize for being so rude in answering the phone the night before. Carlisle and Esme were undoubtedly worried about me.

That was the "problem" with being a member of a family. There was always someone to worry about you, want to know what you're doing. It was a blessing and a curse. I couldn't ignore them. I was obligated. And I missed them.

When I logged in, the entire family (minus Edward) was on instant messenger. How convenient. Alice must have alerted everyone.

**Alice**: Turn on your webcam, we want to see your gorgeous face.

**Jasper**: You can already "see" me anyway, right?

**Alice**: You know what I mean. You promised Carlisle and Esme you would Skype last night, but you didn't. Why?

Did she honestly not know?

**Jasper**: Really, Alice? You didn't see Bella arrive?

Immediately my cell phone rang, but it was set on silent, as to not freak out Bella again. It was Alice. I glanced at Bella, engrossed in her book.

**Jasper**: Sorry, I don't think it's best to use the phone or webcam right now.

**Alice**: !

So she _was_ surprised. Damn, I hated for her to find out in such an impersonal way as instant messenger.

**Jasper**: Bella just arrived last night and she's safe. Do you really not see her?

**Alice**: No, I've gotten glimpses, but nothing ever made sense. Mostly, I don't see her at all. I knew you would eventually find her….OH MY GOODNESS!

The others had sent me IMs, but I ignored them until one sent an invitation to a private chat room. They were all using their webcams and it made me happy to see them, even if it was online. Carlisle and Esme were on a computer in Carlisle's office, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting in bed (of course, but thank goodness fully clothed) using a laptop, and Alice was in what looked like a studio, probably established for her clothing designs.

Bella noticed the wave of emotion and looked up at me. I smiled and she returned the smile, but didn't ask what caused me to be so happy. With my family, I decided to get straight to the point.

**Jasper**: Bella was changed into one of us. She's here with me in Denali.

Everyone but Alice's face was full of shock. Rosalie looked angry and started shouting at Emmett.

**Carlisle**: When did this happen?

**Jasper:** Five months ago she was attacked by Laurent, but the Quiletes defended her before he could kill her. Bella barely escaped. Thankfully, there was enough venom in her system for the change to occur.

Rosalie's anger transformed into sadness. She seemed to think Bella had chosen the change, but upon realizing she was attacked, her attitude changed. Her eyes were full of compassion.

**Emmett**: She was all alone when she was transformed?

Emmett looked troubled. I knew he cared deeply for Bella and was thinking of his own transformation, how Rosalie was there to hold his hand, with Carlisle, Esme and Edward waiting in the wings.

**Jasper:** Yes, she was alone and escaped to Alaska, where she's been ever since. It was a miracle she found our cabin, I don't know how she did it. I was shocked to see her last night.

Could I conveniently leave out that I had known about her change and that I had been searching for her before she found me? Our family didn't keep secrets, but why should they know this detail? I rolled my eyes. Stupid integrity.

**Jasper:** I found out four months ago when I was in Seattle. That's why I didn't come to Ithaca. I've been searching for Bella.

Rosalie was back to being angry, yelling at the computer screen, with Emmett, Carlisle and Esme joining her with their own anger.

**Carlisle:** Why did you not tell us?

**Emmett:** We could have helped you look for her, bro.

Rosalie leaned in to type.

**Emmett:** Yeah, asshole. We should have been told!

**Alice**: Everyone, don't be so hard on Jasper. He wanted to tell you, but I convinced him not to. I had some rather disturbing visions about what would happen if some one other than Jasper found her.

**Carlisle**: Alice!

**Emmett**: Alice!

**Alice**: She's safe now, so there's no point in arguing about it. Right?

Everyone paused and nodded, although they were clearly not pleased to have been left out of the loop for so long.

**Carlisle**: What about Edward? We have to tell him.

Esme began to type.

**Carlisle:** Edward is in pain. Keeping him from his mate is cruel.

Venom formed in my mouth and I became angry.

**Jasper:** Does he deserve her? Do any of us? We abandoned her!

A longer pause. Everyone looked ashamed. The fact could not be denied. While we all honestly thought we wouldn't leave her for very long, we _did_ leave her.

**Jasper**: When Edward left, he told her he didn't want her. She was heartbroken and practically in a coma for months. We have no idea the damage that _his _leaving, _our_ leaving, did to her!

No one knew how to respond. Finally, Alice broke the tension.

**Alice**: Edward hasn't contacted us in months. When he does, we'll encourage him to come home and then tell him in person. Leaving her was his decision, after all. There are consequences for that. But considering what happened to Bella, I don't think we're bound by our promise to stay away from her.

Esme began typing.

**Carlisle**: Has she asked about us? We can arrive tomorrow...

I sighed. This was why I didn't want to tell my family about Bella in the first place. As much as I loved them, they could be pushy and overwhelming. I didn't want to keep Bella from seeing the others, but I didn't want her to feel pressured. She was still a newborn and trying to make sense of her transformation. Edward had done major damage when he left. When I assured her that our family _did _want her, she believed me, but it was a fragile belief. She needed time.

**Jasper:** Let Bella make the first move. It should be her choice if she wants to see everyone.

Esme looked disappointed, as did Rosalie and Emmett.

**Alice:** It's easy for you to say that Jasper, you're with her!

Carlisle appeared more understanding.

**Carlisle**: She's been through a lot. It's good that she's with Jasper. He has experience with newborns and we can reintroduce ourselves slowly. We don't want to overwhelm Bella.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I thought silently.

**Emmett**: Take care of her, Jasper.

**Jasper**: I will.

**Alice**: Carlisle and Esme will see Bella at Thanksgiving. The rest of us will see her at Christmas!

Never bet against Alice's foresight. Everyone was visibly cheered up at this news. Esme started clapping her hands and even Rosalie looked excited.

I logged off and shut down the computer. Setting it on the coffee table, I stretched out on the sofa as if I was going to take a nap, and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, inhaling Bella's scent and it calmed me. I would have five months alone with Bella before the others intruded.

I needed a plan.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

BPOV

A very nice daily routine was formed in my life with Jasper. Instead of making me feel bored, the routine made me feel safe.

In the mornings we read. Although I could now speed read, thanks to my enhanced vampire skills, I decided to take my time in going through the library. I was impressed with the selection – it was a good mix between modern and classic, fiction and nonfiction. Jasper liked to read as much as I did, although he preferred history and I liked fiction. Mostly we read together in silence, but if we noticed something interesting we would read it out loud to one another and discuss it.

I soon realized Jasper was extremely intelligent. He wasn't just _vampire _smart, he loved to learn and could dissect and process information with skill. I grew to respect his opinions because they were well informed and full of wisdom.

In the afternoons we went for long walks. Jasper was more talkative than I could have imagined, but he also had his reflective moments. He began to open up to me – telling me his own story of transformation and the years of war, how he met Alice and joined the Cullens. I shared my feelings of when Edward left, how he also took with him the family and life I always wanted. Jasper was a good listener, asking the right questions and staying silent when I need him to be.

In the evenings it was newborn training camp. Jasper helped me develop the ins and outs of my new skills as a vampire – hearing, detecting scents, controlling my strength and practicing resisting blood. Resisting blood – chasing prey, but not going in immediately for the kill - was a challenge and there were moments when I wanted to give up. Jasper's encouragement gave me the strength to keep trying, and as he told me, I knew it was good preparation for when I would eventually encounter humans. Sometimes I was moody and unpredictable, but Jasper was always patient with me. I once snapped at him while hunting because he got too near my prey. I was embarrassed, but he understood I didn't really mean it. The rare times I had a newborn tantrum, he'd massage my shoulders until I calmed down.

Jasper was extremely charismatic, and very, very likeable. Being with him made me happy and more than made up for months of loneliness. I once was lost and now I was found. It was a good feeling. There was also an natural intimacy between us. We'd lean against one another while we read or did crossword puzzles. When we went hunting we always held hands. Sometimes we would just stare at each other, electricity filling the air, not being able to take our eyes off one another.

However, after a couple of months of bliss I began to feel guilty for having Jasper babysit me like this. I was keeping him from Alice and his other family members. But, if I was honest with myself, I didn't want to share him with anyone else. So, I pushed those nagging thoughts aside and focused on enjoying the moment.

One morning in September Jasper greeted me with a smile. I was sitting in the great room reading, waiting for him to join me. He held a box in his hands.

"Today is your birthday Bella."

"It is?" I asked.

"And I have a present for you!" he exclaimed with a twinkle in his eye.

I felt uncomfortable with this. "I didn't know vampires celebrated birthdays…you didn't have to get me anything."

"Don't worry, it's actually already yours…I'm just returning it."

Warily, I accepted the box and carefully opened it. Inside was a photo album….of my human life. I was shocked.

"How did you…?" I managed to gasp.

"When I left your funeral, I stopped by your house. I thought maybe you'd want to keep some personal things. It was a risk to take it, but I wanted you to have your history. I was waiting for the right time to return it to you. Today seemed appropriate."

My past wasn't completely lost! Very slowly I thumbed through the pages, of my baby pictures, photos of me and Charlie on vacation at Disneyland, in the desert with Renee. The memory of my parents was a blur, but now, thanks to this photo album, their faces were crystal clear to me. This was a priceless gift.

Jasper had been very guarded with his emotions. I never thought he was hiding something, but I always felt like there was something more he wasn't sharing. In that moment, I looked up at him smiling at me and I felt that "something." I felt his _love_ for me. It was so intense it made me tremble.

I immediately felt drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. Very carefully I put the photo album back in the box and stood up to give Jasper a hug.

"Thank you, Jasper," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him. He returned the hug, pulling me closer to him. The feeling of our bodies pressed together filled me with warmth. Whenever he touched me before I'd always felt comfort and peace, but this was something different. I felt a sense of anticipation…and _attraction_. It was a _powerful _attraction. Jasper moaned and I felt him harden in arousal.

I pressed myself closer to him and he moaned again. He pulled my head back gently and leaned down to kiss me.

It was a deep kiss, passionate, full of lust. His tongue searched for mine and this time I kissed him back fervently. My participation seemed to ignite a flame. Both of us started breathing heavily. Jasper lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pinned me against the wall. I instinctively started grinding against him, moving my hips, wanting to feel his strength, wanting him closer to me. When he licked my neck I groaned with passion.

I thought I was going to explode.

I opened my eyes and his face was only an inch from mine. I felt his sweet breath and it sent shivers down my spine.

"I've wanted to do that for along time," he murmured.

"You have?" I stammered, unwrapping my legs from his waist to stand. He continued to hold me close.

"Oh yeah," he answered, kissing me gently on the lips.

I sighed happily, but wondered how I was going to calm myself down. I was disoriented…and hot and bothered.

Jasper took a step back. "Excuse me," he said, his eyes smoldering with passion.

I watched him walk away and I was dumfounded. He was leaving me feeling like _this_?

Whether it was because of lack of human memories, lack of sexual experience or both, I didn't fully understand what just happened between us. Physically I knew that I _wanted _him. But, something more had occurred and I didn't know what it was.

From that moment on, everything was different. Our daily routine continued, and I felt his love, affection and devotion to me, and occasionally his lust. It made me deliriously happy and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. But, there was a battle between my almost uncontrollable lust for him and my conscious.

Jasper was with Alice.

Every human memory I had they were together. There were pictures of them together all throughout the cabin. He hadn't mentioned her and I didn't bring it up either. Although he acted as if there was no other place he'd rather be than in this cabin in Alaska with me, I began to feel guilty. Was he cheating on Alice with me? Alice was my friend – was I betraying her? Jasper seemed so transparent and honest. What was happening between us? I needed us to define the relationship. But, I didn't talk to him about it because I didn't want things to change. The nagging feeling continued, however, and until I finally decided to broach the subject.

"Do you miss Alice?" I asked out of the blue one evening while we were watching a movie. His head was in my lap and I was running my fingers through his hair. It was late November and there was a blizzard raging outside.

"Yes," Jasper answered honestly and I was filled with jealousy.

"Do you miss Edward?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"Do you know who misses you?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Carlisle and Esme. They want to visit for Thanksgiving. "

I couldn't keep him to myself forever, I'd have to share him with his family…with Alice.

"Just Carlisle and Esme?" Please, not _Alice_, I want more time alone with him…

"The others miss you too, but we wanted to take it slow – not over whelm you with visitors."

"I'm okay with that…" I responded, relieved.

Jasper looked up at me and smiled, sending rays of joy. "Good. I'll let them know."

A week later Carlisle and Esme were set to arrive; I was in the kitchen, looking out the window, waiting for them to appear on the path. I was extremely nervous. Would they be happy to see me?

Jasper pressed himself up against me, wrapping his arms around me and put his head on my shoulders to join me in looking out the window.

"Don't be nervous," he assured me. "They _want _to see _you_."

Damn, he noticed my self doubt and I couldn't help but smile.

"Before they arrive, I want to do one thing," he spoke slowly, the tenor in his voice changing.

Jasper put one hand on my waist and pulled my hair back with his other hand. He kissed me on the neck. I twirled around and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a proper kiss. He hadn't kissed me again since my birthday and I was always too shy to initiate anything myself. There were extended hugs, gentle caresses and hand holding, but nothing more.

As his lips touched mine, warmth spread throughout my body. Every kiss with Jasper was perfection. It was full of emotion, hesitant at first, and then passionate. An explosion of peace overwhelmed me.

Jasper stepped away as his cell phone rang. Was he teasing me? I wanted more. I grabbed his jacket and pulled him closer to me.

"Where are you going?" I complained, trying to calm my breathing.

He kissed me again and smiled. "Carlisle and Esme are here. Let's go outside to meet them."

I nodded. I expected Jasper to hold my hand, but he walked ahead of me. I followed him out the door.

Standing on the path were two vampires. Instinctively, I grabbed Jasper's arm and pulled him back, wanting to guard him and myself. Adrenaline started to race through my system as I evaluated the situation.

However, much like my reunion with Jasper, after a moment of uncertainty, I attacked Carlisle and Esme with a _hug_. Esme kissed me on the cheek and then clasped her hands as she looked me over.

"Bella, you are stunning! It's so good to see you. We've missed you so much!" Esme hugged me again and I felt comfort in her motherly affection.

"I've missed you, too," I responded shyly.

Carlisle was smiling and seemed genuinely pleased to see me.

"Has Jasper been taking good care of you?" he asked.

There were so many ways I could respond to that question. "Yes, he's been so patient with me," I replied, smiling at Jasper. "Because of his help I almost feel "normal"…._almost_."

Carlisle and Esme laughed. Carlisle put an arm around my shoulder and led us into the house, as Esme hugged Jasper and fussed over him.

I wasn't sure if Jasper told them about my experience, but even if he did, they seemed to want to hear it directly from me. After exchanging pleasantries about their trip and life in New Hampshire, I began to share my story. Carlisle started to pace when I told him of Laurent attacking me. I didn't remember ever seeing Carlisle angry and it was a shock. It gave me hope that he still saw me as a potential daughter and that this anger was on a father's behalf.

Esme held my hand when I finished my story. "I'm so sorry Bella," she exclaimed.

Carlisle and Esme looked truly in pain, eyes full of sorrow. Carlisle knelt down in front of me. It seemed to be a sign of humility, of repentance.

"Please forgive us for abandoning you," Carlisle whispered, bowing his head in shame. "We should have been there for you and we weren't."

He didn't make excuses or assign blame. He took full responsibility.

No, the Cullens weren't there for me. But, it wasn't their fault Laurent attacked me. They had no way of knowing what would happen. In my heart, they were already forgiven. Love keeps no record of wrongs and I truly loved Carlisle and Esme.

"I forgive you," I replied simply.

Carlisle hugged me. "Bella, you are our daughter. We love you."

It was words I desperately wanted to hear. I wasn't alone. I was a member of a family.

I was a Cullen.

* * *

Too soon for Jasper and Bella? Not enough repentance from the Cullens? Let me know what you think! Thanks!


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

JPOV

I didn't know I could be this happy.

I was more at peace with myself than I ever thought possible.

There were the decades of war and then the decades of ceasefire, but I was still fighting my nature. Alice and the Cullens were my safe haven and an incredible support system, and yet I still struggled. With Bella I was transformed – changed at my very core – and the result was powerful. I felt like I could do anything with her by my side, even resist human blood.

Bella was by my side at this moment, her arm linked with Esme, as we walked the streets of Anchorage. The scent of human blood lingered in the air. Carlisle suggested we venture into town together. Bella hadn't encountered any humans since her change and with the additional support of Carlisle and Esme, it was a good opportunity for her first exposure.

Her thirst was raging, and her thirst increased mine, but Bella was showing remarkable restraint. We walked passed Snow City Cafe, filled with customers, and she ignored them, keeping her eyes fixed ahead at the ocean in the distance. I was amazed at my own restraint, too, since it had been several months since I had been around humans. With Bella by my side, I felt completely confident that I could accomplish anything. The tension I felt before, when I was with Alice, living amongst humans, wasn't there anymore. It's not to say I wasn't tempted by the scent of warm, human blood because I was, but my thirst felt more manageable, more under control.

"You're doing very well, Bella," Carlisle assured her. "How do you feel?"

Bella was uncomfortable. "I'm okay, but I don't think I can keep this up much longer," she replied.

I longed to put my arm around Bella and have her close to me, but I refrained. I was happy and at peace, but I was also afraid.

The last five months with Bella had been amazing and incredibly frustrating. My plan was to be a gentleman, make Bella feel as comfortable and safe as possible, and show her how deeply I cared for her. It was frustrating because it was hard to be a gentleman.

On her birthday, when I had given her the photo album, I felt a spark of attraction coming from her. It was the first time I felt her recognize the connection between us. So, I kissed her. I couldn't resist. When she kissed me back, it took every ounce of control in me to not rip her clothes off and take her right then and there. In other words, I wanted to fuck her brains out.

Somehow, I had the strength to be a gentleman, and I excused myself. I regretted it immediately, feeling her rejection, but I had to consider what was best for the long run. Bella wasn't ready for sex, even if her emotions said otherwise, and there were things we needed to discuss – my relationship with Alice, Edward still loving her, our future together. I had to be patient.

From her birthday onward, I felt Bella's heart open to me and I naturally responded, with restraint. It was beautiful. I was happier than I had ever been in my entire existence. Bella was the _only_ thing on my mind, every moment of every day.

Until she asked if I missed Alice.

"Do you miss Alice?" Bella asked one evening. My head was in her lap and she was playing with my hair. I was completely relaxed and she caught me off guard.

"Yes," I answered honestly. When I thought about it, I did miss Alice and I was sure Bella did, too. Jealousy hit me. Was she asking because she was thinking of Edward?

"Do you miss Edward?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

I felt relieved. I thought of Carlisle and Esme, sending me emails and text messages every single day, asking about Bella.

"Do you know who misses you?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Carlisle and Esme. They want to visit for Thanksgiving."

Bella didn't respond for a moment and I wondered what she was thinking. She was hesitant and worried.

"Just Carlisle and Esme?"

"The others miss you too, but we wanted to take it slow – not overwhelm you with visitors." It was the truth.

"I'm okay with that…" she responded.

I looked up at Bella and smiled. "Good. I'll let them know."

Carlisle and Esme were beyond excited when I called them later that evening and made plans for them to join us for Thanksgiving. It was then I began to become afraid.

Fear was not something I experienced, even as a human. It crippled me. The source of my fear was the possibility of Bella leaving. If Carlisle suspected I was mated with Bella, would he try to take her away from me? He believed she was Edward's mate. And while I knew he loved me like a son, his first allegiance was to Edward.

Initially I was looking forward to Carlisle's visit because I wanted to talk to him about what was happening to me, but with this fear, I decided to remain silent. I knew I would fight Carlisle to keep Bella and I didn't want it to come to that. It would rip our family apart. Instead, I would keep my distance from Bella and appear as her caretaker. Their visit was only going to be a few days. When Carlisle and Esme left, I would have to face reality with Bella. No more avoiding the difficult conversations. I would tell her how I really felt about her.

On the morning of Carlisle and Esme's arrival, anticipating the separation from Bella, I yearned for her to be close to me. She was nervous, looking out the window.

"Don't be nervous," I assured her. "They _want _to see _you_."

I paused.

"Before they arrive, I want to do one thing," I spoke slowly, my voice deepening with emotion.

I put one hand on her waist and pulled her hair back, kissing her on the neck. She spun around and wrapped her arms around my neck, and I leaned in for a kiss. I hadn't kissed Bella since her birthday because frankly, I didn't trust myself. But, with Carlisle and Esme arriving within minutes, I knew I wouldn't let it go too far.

The kiss was just as explosive as the first time I kissed Bella. I felt vulnerable and powerful, bubbling with lust and attraction. Bella wasn't holding back - I felt her eagerness and it excited me. Overwhelmingly there was peace, as if I was created to hold Bella in my arms and kiss her.

My phone rang and I stepped away. Carlisle said he would call me when they were on the property. Bella pulled me back to her.

"Where are you going?" she complained.

I kissed her again, not wanting to part from her, but knowing we couldn't avoid Carlisle and Esme's arrival. We would be together soon and I wouldn't have to restrain myself.

"Carlisle and Esme are here. Let's go outside to meet them."

Bella nodded and we walked outside. Not holding her hand felt unnatural. During the last two months we had been constantly touching one another in some way or another, but Carlisle and Esme would notice the closeness and be suspicious, so I kept my distance.

When we spotted Carlisle and Esme, Bella was the one to reach out to me. She grabbed my arm, pulling me back. She was on guard, which was expected for a newborn encountering unfamiliar vampires. It was cute the way she was trying to protect me from them and I chuckled.

Her defensiveness didn't last long. She greeted Carlisle and Esme with a hug, joy overwhelming all of them at the reunion.

"Bella, you are stunning! It's so good to see you. We've missed you so much!" Esme hugged Bella again, looking her over.

"I've missed you, too," she responded timidly.

"Has Jasper been taking good care of you?" Carlisle asked, with a strong smile. I hadn't seen him so happy since before Bella's 18th birthday and it pleased me. He patted me on the shoulder.

"Yes, he's been so patient with me," she replied, smiling at me. "Because of his help I almost feel "normal"…._almost_."

Carlisle and Esme laughed. They understood how newborns felt – so inconsistent in their emotions. That was why I had established a routine for Bella, to help her feel normal and safe.

Carlisle put his arm around Bella while Esme engulfed me with a hug. I sent her waves of my love.

"You look really well, Jasper! I told you Alaska was good for you!" Esme gushed. I smirked, knowing it wasn't Alaska that was good for me. It was Bella.

We wasted no time in getting down to business. Carlisle and Esme wanted to know what happened to Bella. I had given no details, despite their insistence. It was Bella's story to tell, after all, not mine.

Even though I had heard the story before, and we had talked about it at length, I was still filled with anger and shame when I heard it again. I felt rage when I heard of Laurent's attack and shame knowing I should have been there for her. Carlisle and Esme were equally upset. Our family was fiercely loyal to one another. To hear of Bella, who was one of us, being attacked, was unacceptable. They shared my shame because to be a Cullen meant taking care of one another. We had failed Bella.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Esme exclaimed, when Bella finished her story. The room was so thick with emotion it was almost physically painful to me. I tried to calm Carlisle and Esme, but their sorrow was thick.

Carlisle knelt down in front of Bella. In the decades of living with Carlisle, I had never seen him so humbled. It shocked me.

"Please forgive us for abandoning you," Carlisle whispered, bowing his head in shame. "We should have been there for you and we weren't."

"I forgive you," Bella replied.

Carlisle hugged her. "Bella, you are our daughter. We love you."

Bella was visibly affected by Carlisle's words. She almost collapsed in his arms, overwhelmed with his acceptance of her. Since she began dating Edward, Carlisle had always thought of Bella as his daughter, but she needed to hear the words.

I didn't expect her to so easily forgive us, but she did. In all our months together I never once felt anger or resentment from her. I thought with Carlisle, as the head of our family, she would need to vent, express her outrage at our betrayal. She chose to forgive.

Every one of us felt fragile at that moment, filled with amazement at the grace Bella had given us. We didn't deserve it, but accepted it with thankfulness.

I wanted to hold Bella, cover her with kisses, show her how much I treasured her. Instead, I stood in the distance, with my arms crossed against my chest.

Esme joined Carlisle and Bella's hug and I decided to give them privacy, so I stepped outside. Immediately, I felt alarmed at not having Bella in my line of sight, but I reminded myself she was safe. I walked down to the lake and starred at the frozen surface, wondering if Bella wanted to try ice skating.

Carlisle joined me within minutes. He walked quickly and his emotions were full of urgency.

"Jasper, we need to talk."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

**JPOV**

Carlisle was worried and that worried me.

"What's on your mind, Carlisle?" I asked cautiously.

Had he detected my feelings for Bella so quickly? Carlisle was perceptive, but the last hour had been entirely dedicated to Bella sharing her story. I barely said a word and was carefully guarding my emotions.

"We thought James was the only danger to Bella. But, then _Laurent_ attacked her? It's not a coincidence. Have you considered Victoria may be a threat as well?"

Damn, why hadn't I thought of this? I was so wrapped up in my love for Bella my judgement and foresight had been clouded. Instantly my body tensed at the possibility of Bella being in danger.

"It didn't even cross my mind, Carlisle, but you're right. Victoria may be a problem."

"What do you think?" he asked.

Carlisle respected my years of military experience and natural gift for strategy and protection when it came to family matters. I appreciated his deference, considering he was much older than I was.

"If Victoria returns to Forks to look for Bella she'll quickly learn Bella is considered to be _dead_," I began, thinking through the possibilities at lightening speed. "I highly doubt the Quileute's will have a conversation with Victoria on the subject of Bella's transformation. If they can get to her, they'll destroy her. If Victoria escapes, then her plan will be over. She wanted Bella dead, and if she's already "dead" - end of story."

"I'll call the Quileute's and ask for their cooperation, just to be sure," Carlisle offered. "The only danger is if Victoria finds out Bella has been changed. But since we're the only ones who know about this, Victoria won't find out."

"And if she does, she'll have to face the seven of us," I added.

"Eight," Carlisle corrected. "Eight of us. Don't forget Edward."

_Edward_. I almost growled.

"He still hasn't contacted the family or responded to our calls. It's so peculiar. But, he'll return eventually and everything will be right again." Carlisle shook his head. "My stubborn son..."

I swallowed the venom in my throat. I loved Edward like a brother, but he was an obstacle in making Bella completely mine. The whole situation had to be handled delicately or the family could be destroyed. I needed to talk to Alice. Would she offer advice?

"Excuse me, I'm going to call Alice," I told Carlisle, taking out my phone.

"Give her our love," Carlisle replied. "Shall we all go for a hunt when you're finished?"

I nodded. "You have to see Bella in action...it's spectacular," I answered, pride swelling within me.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows, smiled and returned to the cabin.

* * *

**BPOV**

"Jasper's calling Alice," Carlisle told me and Esme as he entered the room. "When he's finished, would you like to go for a hunt?"

I blinked my eyes and adrenaline raced through my body. I looked out the window and saw Jasper on the phone, smiling and laughing. Venom filled my mouth and I wasn't sure if it was because I was thirsty or because I was jealous. Jasper was on the phone with _Alice_? We had been together almost twenty-four hours a day for the last five months and I had never seen him call her. Had he been sneaking calls to her when I was in the shower after a hunt? Now that Carlisle and Esme were here, Jasper had more freedom. He didn't need to babysit me.

I nodded in agreement. "Sure, just let me change my clothes...er, I mean _your _clothes, Esme," I explained, looking for an excuse for privacy. "Hope you don't mind that I've been borrowing them..."

Esme shook her head. "What's mine is yours Bella! We'll stay right here until you return."

"Thanks, I'll be right back," I replied and ran up the stairs.

My mind was spinning with jealousy and I was confused. Why was Jasper talking to Alice affecting me so deeply? Maybe I had been completely delusional the last five months, misinterpreting everything Jasper said or did. But, how could I explain the connection and passion between us? Was Jasper taking advantage of my newborn state? He seemed so sincere, so pure in his affection for me...

I stumbled into Esme's closet, randomly choosing new clothes, and taking my time in changing. I didn't want to face Jasper. He would instantly know what I was feeling. Jasper was talking to Alice right now; was he telling her he loved her, that he missed her? I felt sick to my stomach.

Several minutes passed and there was a knock on the door and it opened.

"Bella?" a voice asked. It was Jasper.

I straightened up, composing myself. "Yes?" I replied evenly.

"Ready to hunt?" Jasper asked with a bright smile. He seemed delighted to see me. I shivered at the sight of him. Damn, he was so confusing.

"Yes, just finishing up," I replied, brushing past him out the bedroom door and began walking down the stairs. "How's Alice?" I asked, trying to soften the iciness in my voice.

Jasper looked at me strangely. "She's great. She says hello and that she misses you."

I avoided his eyes. "That's nice..." I replied nonchalantly. "Carlisle, Esme, ready to hunt?"

* * *

**JPOV**

Alice was thrilled to hear from me. I thought talking to her would be awkward, but it wasn't. Her enthusiasm made me laugh, as it always did in our many years together. I replayed my conversation with Carlisle about the potential threat of Victoria. Alice immediately became somber and started scanning the future for various scenarios. Bella was safe, she assured me.

"Alice, I'm also calling for another reason..." I began.

"Bella is your mate," she replied. It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

Even though I knew nothing ever surprised Alice, I was shocked at her confidence.

"You knew? How long have you known?" I stammered.

"Since Bella's birthday party. It was fuzzy and in pieces, but it solidified around the time Bella was changed."

"What?" I screamed. Alice had some explaining to do. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Alice remained calm. "Seriously, Jasper? It was a shock to me, too. It wasn't easy for me. And I _did_ tell you, when we broke up. I told you there was someone else."

I rolled my eyes. "You led me to believe that _you _had found someone else, Alice," I protested.

"What was I supposed to tell you, Jasper? Oh, by the way, _Bella Swan is your mate_. You would have freaked out and you know it. You had to discover it on your own."

I calmed down, remembering Alice's earlier words of it not being easy on her. "Alice, I'm sorry. I never expected this to happen."

Alice sighed. "It wasn't your choice, it was meant to be. I'm okay, Jazz. Even though it hurt at first, I want both you _and_ Bella in my life. I've made my peace with the situation and I support the two of you being together. Totally."

I amazed at her resolve and maturity. "Alice, I don't know what to say..."

She laughed. "Well, what did Bella say when you told her how you felt? I bet she was just as surprised as you were."

I paused. "Um, I haven't exactly told her yet..."

"What?" Alice shrieked. "You haven't _told _her yet?"

"Not in so many words...I think she knows I care for her. I mean, how do you have that conversation when you don't know how the other person feels?"

Alice sighed. "Bella is your _mate_, Jasper. It's mutual. I've had visions of you together. You don't have to be worried that she won't love you back."

Her encouragement gave me confidence, but I was still hesitant. I couldn't believe I was going to say it.

"What about Edward?" I asked.

Alice growled. "Edward is an asshole, Jasper. It's been more than a year and he hasn't tried to contact Bella at all. And he hasn't even kept in touch with the family, either. He's being more than stubborn, he's being _selfish_. He had a chance at being with Bella and he threw it all away. Edward's feelings shouldn't be considered right now."

I was astonished at her passion. Edward was her favorite brother. They were extremely close, but apparently she was losing her patience with him.

"Alice, why are you being so supportive of me and Bella?" I asked. "You have every right to be angry, to feel betrayed."

She paused and her voice softened. "Because I love you Jasper. And I love Bella. We both knew our r_elationship_ wasn't forever, but I know you'll be in my _life _forever. Along with Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett and even _Edward,_ you two are my _family_."

Family meant a lot to Alice, more than I realized until that moment. She had sacrificed her own happiness for the ultimate well being of the family.

"That's what I'm concerned about Alice, I don't want me and Bella being together to tear the family apart. How do I handle it?"

"Don't worry about the others. I'll handle them. When you visit at Christmas, we'll talk more. You just focus on _Bella,_" she replied.

"Okay..."

"Congratulations, Jasper. I'm happy for you. Truly I am. Tell Bella I said hello and that I miss her, alright?"

I was stunned at Alice's graciousness. It was sincere.

"I will. Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome," she replied in a sing song voice and the line went dead.

I put my phone in my pocket and returned to the cabin. Fifteen minutes away from Bella and I already missed her desperately. Carlisle and Esme told me she was changing and I raced up the stairs to get a moment alone with her.

Instead of her usual openness, she was reserved, and refused to look at me. During our hunt and over the next few days she ignored me and I didn't know why. Did she share my worry in Carlisle and Esme separating us? After all, she had been alone with Carlisle and Esme while I was talking to Alice. Had they said something? Bella was the most intuitive person I had ever met, surely she deduced why _I_ was being reserved with _her_. At least I hoped so.

The next few days were filled with conversation, but I mostly remained silent. Carlisle and Esme were used to my being so reserved, but Bella seemed to notice. I was being different from my relaxed, talkative self when it was just the two of us. However, she didn't say anything, but focused on asking Carlisle and Esme questions about their history together, their travels, advice on being a vampire. Bella was fascinated by their wisdom and I was happy to see her so happy. The four of us played Scrabble, spent hours skiing, went hunting and enjoyed quiet time together.

There was a sense of perfect contentment amongst us all. It was the perfect time together, except for me and Bella intentionally avoiding one another.

Bella passed her test of exposure to humans with flying colors. We walked the streets of Anchorage for a few more minutes, then headed back to our cabin. Carlisle and Esme were set to fly back to New Hampshire that evening, but wanted to make sure we were safely at home before they left.

As we neared the cabin, Esme and Bella walked ahead of us, arm in arm, almost skipping like school girls, giggling about something. I joined Carlisle, walking several yards back so our conversation would be private.

"Diagnosis, Doctor?" I asked. We hadn't had time to discuss Bella's progress as a newborn, and since he was leaving within minutes, I wanted to get his opinion.

Carlisle looked thoughtful. "You've done a marvelous job with her Jasper. She seems to be adjusting very well. Although only being ten months old, she's showing restraint that I've rarely seen before. And we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of her gift, but that will come in time." Carlisle smiled, pride for his daughter shining on his face. He continued speaking.

"However, since she endured the transformation by herself and spent so many months in isolation, it seems she's much like Alice in that she's forgotten almost all of her human memories. I suspect she doesn't remember her relationship with Edward at all."

I agreed, but I couldn't help but wonder. "Should we remind her?" I asked. I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to remind Bella she was in love with Edward, but I was surprised Carlisle hadn't even touched the subject during their visit.

"I don't think there's any harm in waiting. Bella is safe and happy and I want her to continue to be that way. She doesn't have amnesia. Her shield may have something to do with the memory loss. Perhaps when she meets Edward face to face it will all come back to her. After a year of being a vampire and our blood lust is more controllable, our personality and desires start to resurface. Yes, we'll just have to wait and see what happens."

We reached Bella and Esme before I could respond. Not that I could say anything. Carlisle had just said out loud my most basic fear – that Bella would potentially remember her love for Edward and want to be with him.

Carlisle put his arm around his wife. Esme looked as if she were going to cry and so did Bella. There was a tinge of sadness in the air.

"Join us for Christmas?" Carlisle asked.

Bella immediately turned to me, taking a break from her indifference, and looking at me as if to ask for my permission. Her eyes were bright and hopeful. I smiled at Bella, sending her my love. To hell with what Carlisle and Esme thought, I missed my Bella.

Carlisle and Esme noticed our connection and exchanged glances.

"Yes, we'd like that," I replied, putting my arm around Bella's waist. It was a childish action, claiming Bella as mine with a simple touch, but it was instinctual. Bella responded by snuggling closer to me and putting her arm around _my_ waist. In that one act we revealed we were more than just a newborn and her caretaker.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows in astonishment, but didn't say anything. He cleared his throat – a human expression of awkwardness that was not a necessary action for a vampire. He was confused, but not upset.

"Well, then. I'll make the arrangements!"

Carlisle and Esme were both filled with joy at the thought of seeing Bella and I again so soon. We said our goodbyes. Carlisle and Esme kissed Bella on the cheek, hugged me, and then ran off into the forest, hand in hand.

Bella and I watched Carlisle and Esme until they disappeared. Then, Bella pushed me away.

"Don't touch me," she spat, walking towards in the cabin, seething with anger.

I was shocked at the sudden change in her mood. "What? What is it?" I asked following her.

Bella stopped walking and turned around, her hands on her hips. "Why did you keep your distance from me when Carlisle and Esme was here? You rarely spoke to me. Are you _embarrassed _of me? Of _us_?"

I was mortified. "Of course not, Bella! I..."

"Am I some play thing until you finish babysitting me and you can return to _Alice_?" she interrupted. "Why didn't you go with them if you miss her so much?" Bella glared at me.

My mind raced. This seemed to be a newborn mood swing. She had a few of those before, although not in several weeks. But, even if it was just Bella being irrational, she believed what she was saying. Bella was oozing jealousy and hurt.

I gently cupped her face with my hands. "Bella, Alice and I aren't together anymore. We broke up a long time ago. I love her and she'll always be my family, but she's not the one I want forever."

Bella stopped sobbing. "She's not?"

I shook my head.

"I want _you_."

* * *

Ok, I have a serious question. Lemons or no lemons? I have no experience writing them, but I want something a little more than fade to black. However, I'm not into writing porn, either. What are your thoughts?


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

**A/N**: Hi everyone, thanks for your feedback about lemons. I felt like I had to have them since this was my first M rated story, but I appreciate all your support and now I don't feel pressured. However, in this chapter I have started to explore Jasper and Bella's physical relationship. It's not going to be all bow chicka wow wow all the time, but I think it's important to the story. Thanks for reading. Please leave a review! I love your feedback! It brightens my day. :)

* * *

**BPOV**

"I want _you_," Jasper told me, speaking softly but with conviction.

My eyes widened."You do?" I stammered nervously.

"Yes. You're the _only_ one for me."

I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of the emotions overwhelming me. My mood changed in a split second. One moment I was next to Jasper, my arms finally wrapped around him after missing him so much over the last few days and the next moment all my insecurities and jealousy came pouring out and I was angry at him. A mood swing, to be sure. But, the intensity of my feelings could not be ignored. I had to admit the truth.

"I want you too," I whispered.

Jasper kissed me with such fierceness that I had to cling to him to keep from falling down. The electricity between us was almost tangible and when his lips left mine, I gasped. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I didn't protest.

He carried me into the cabin and into a suite I had never been in before. Laying me on the bed, he straddled me, pinning my arms above my head.

"Are you sure?" he asked, although the passion in his eyes made me wonder if I protested whether he would be able to stop nor not.

I nodded, too overwhelmed to speak. We had lived with this electricity between us for five months. Yes, I was sure. I couldn't wait any longer. My body was raging with desire for him.

Jasper began to kiss me softly, sending shivers of anticipation throughout my body. At my neck, he became more sensual, gently licking and sucking, his teeth grazing my skin. It felt incredibly good and I moaned, yearning to run my fingers through his hair, but I was still pinned down. I felt him harden in arousal against my thigh and I pushed myself up to have my lips meet his. He kissed me with tenderness, his tongue exploring my mouth in earnest. It was another kiss full of emotion, which I expected from Jasper, but the depth and intensity shook me to my core.

Jasper took off his shirt and tossed it across the room, then unbuttoned his jeans and pulled off his remaining clothes in a flash. He was beautiful, each muscle defined to perfection. Crescent shaped scars covered his arms, chest and neck. I sat up and traced the scars with my fingers.

"War wounds," he explained quietly, and I began to cover his chest with kisses.

He undressed me slowly, treating me as if I was a delicate treasure. When he finished, and I lay naked before him I felt incredibly safe and incredibly _ready_.

"You're so beautiful," he murmered, his eyes taking in every inch of my body.

"I want you _now_," I urged. I knew making love was a new experience for me, but my desire for him was instinctual. I wanted him inside me.

Jasper and I locked eyes and he sent me waves of his love and devotion. It was a sacred moment and I knew my life would never be the same again.

Jasper settled on top of me, smothering me with kisses, and as he entered me, I gasped. I felt him move faster inside me, moving in and and out. He went deeper, harder, faster and I moaned. I brought my hips upwards to meet his thrusts and Jasper moaned in pleasure. He thrusted harder, holding my hips for a deeper penetration. As we both began to move in a crescendo to the thrusting, I felt my body begin to shake. My eyes rolled back, each thrust full of overwhelming desire. My whole body was tingling, warm waves of energy, like electricity shooting up my legs and exploding in my loins. I didn't know this much pleasure was possible. I screamed and I felt Jasper's release.

He collapsed on top of me, his body fully covering mine.

"I love you, I love you," Jasper sobbed, trembling with emotion. He held me close to him, as if he were hanging on for dear life.

I'd never seen Jasper so vulnerable.

"I love you, Bella. I love you," he whispered over and over again, holding me so tight it almost hurt.

I didn't know how to respond, but simply wrapped my arms around him as he continued to sob.

After several minutes, when he calmed down, he kissed me gently and rolled over to lay on his back.

I whimpered, missing the feeling of him inside me, and he pulled me on top of him. I laid my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.

When I was being changed into a vampire, I was in the pit of despair, completely alone, feeling all my future happiness had been robbed from me. But, now, after this most intimate act, I felt completely whole. I felt as though I had been given a second chance at love...at life...at having the family I'd always wanted. I knew that I would never be alone again, ever.

"What are you thinking?" Jasper asked, stroking my hair.

"I'm thinking about how happy I am," I answered. "You?"

"I'm thinking about how much I love you."

I hugged him in response, sending emotions of my joy and happiness. Jasper loved me. But, I couldn't say those words to him out loud, even though I desperately wanted to. It was as though they bounced back at me before I could release them. Jasper seemed to understand what I was trying to communicate, though.

"Thank you," he replied and sighed in contentment.

"Was it ever this way with Maria or Alice?" I found myself asking.

Jasper groaned and sat up in bed. "Bella!"

"I'm sorry. I was just wondering. You're more experienced than I am and..."

"No, it was _never_ this way with them. Not even close. I've never connected with anyone the way I've connected with you."

"Really?" I asked, suddenly desperate for his assurance that our being together meant as much to him as it did to me.

"Yes, really," he smiled, but quickly became serious, his face clouding over. "I do need to apologize, though. I shouldn't have pursued you like this. It was your first time and I should have been more..._romantic_ about it...we should have talked about things before taking this step."

I moved to sit in his lap, straddling him, so that our faces were only inches away from one another. The confidence and security I suddenly felt with him was amazing.

"Because _this_ changes things, doesn't it?" I asked coyly, pressing my bare breasts up against his chest and kissing his neck.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "In a manner of speaking, yes. But, I've been in love with you long before tonight."

I was thrilled. "When did it happen for you?"

"I think I was always drawn to you, even when you were a human, but I didn't understand my feelings and made excuses that your blood was too tempting for me. When we left Forks, I felt like a piece of me had gone missing. But, I didn't understand why. After months of searching for you and _you_ suddenly found _me_, it started to make sense. And after we kissed that first night, all the pieces started to fall into place for me and I _knew._...you, Bella Swan, are my _mate._"

My eyes widened in surprise. From my conversations with Carlisle and Esme I knew what the word _mate_ meant. It was permanent partnership, irreversible.

Noticing my alarm, Jasper looked troubled. "Too soon?"

I put my hand on his cheek, to comfort him. "No...just surprising."

While I felt the fierceness of his love for me, I couldn't believe Jasper was ready to commit to me for eternity, that he actually already had done so.

"I know that you're not there yet...and that's okay. But, I wanted you to know how I really felt about you."

"I'm sorry," I replied, feeling frustrated with myself. "I'm sorry I can't _communicate _how I feel about _you_. You brought me the stability and guidance I desperately needed being a newborn, but I'm still processing things, still adjusting..." I shook my head, not knowing how to say what I really wanted to say.

Jasper looked at me with unconditional love and patience. It was more than I deserved.

"But, I can _show_ you how I feel," I continued, leaning in to kiss him.

I _wanted_ Jasper and I _needed _him. I sent him those emotions with as much power as I could and I felt his immediate response.

Jasper was hard again. I gasped, and pulled him on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist, squeezing him closer, wanting him deep inside me again.

Our lovemaking continued throughout the night, each time more longer lasting and intense than the time before. Even though my human memories were still a blur, I knew this was the most intimate thing I had ever experienced. When dawn arrived, I felt completely exhausted, which I didn't know was possible for a vampire. But, I didn't want to stop, either.

As we laid in bed, our bodies almost humming after hours of ecstasy, I realized again that we weren't in Carlisle and Esme's suite.

"Whose room are we in?" I asked.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably. "Edward's."

I propped myself up with one elbow. "You're a naughty boy," I replied.

"Am I?" he teased.

"Yes. I may not remember much of Edward, but I do remember he is my ex-boyfriend. Were you trying to make a statement by making love to me in _his_ bed?"

Odd. That was the first time I said his name out loud without feeling panicked and heartbroken. Jasper made me feel safe.

Jasper smirked. "Immature, huh?"

I laughed. "Kind of...but I sort of understand."

Jasper rolled on top of me, pinning my arms down. I loved how he was aggressive like that.

"You're mine," he replied simply. "Forever."

I was overwhelmed with love in those simple words he spoke. He wasn't being possessive, he was just stating a fact. I felt it, too.

_I was his and he_ was _mine_. Forever.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

**A/N: **Kind of a random chapter, I guess, but there are things that need to be said. Next chapter up tonight or tomorrow, especially if you love me with reviews. :) Merry Christmas!

* * *

**BPOV**

With Jasper's declaration of love and commitment to me, everything changed. My desire for him was all consuming and he seemed equally addicted to me. Except for hunting every few days, we were _together_. I was acting like an animal in heat, but it felt completely natural to want to be consumed by Jasper. Despite my lack of sexual experience, being with him made me feel confident and adventurous. I pounced on him in the laundry room and he pounded me while I sat on the dryer. We made love on the kitchen counter and spent hours exploring each other's bodies in the floor by the fireplace in the great room.

It was more than lust, however. The more we made love, the more I felt our souls were being stitched together. It was as if the act made us more unified. It wasn't just _me_ and _him_, it was _us _now. We were becoming _one_.

As it was nearing Christmas, after a particularly enthusiastic session of love making, Jasper rolled on his side so that we were face to face. This was one of my favorite parts of the day, when we would talk like this. During these times Jasper opened his heart to share how the vampire wars in the south had really affected him and I learned the love he had for the Cullens even though he was considered the "difficult" one in the family. After many of these conversations, there were no secrets between us.

With my legs entangled in his, Jasper stroked my cheek.

"I'm afraid you still love Edward," he whispered.

"That's not possible. I barely remember him," I replied, a little too forcefully.

We hadn't discussed Edward since the first night we made love. And while it was true I didn't remember him, that I never even thought of him, I couldn't deny there were unresolved issues. Whenever Jasper spoke his name, I tensed up slightly.

"That's what I'm worried about. What happens when you _do_ remember? He still loves you, Bella. I have no doubt of that."

Jasper looked sad, but very confident. If Edward loved me, why did he leave me? Why did he tell me he didn't want me? It didn't matter anyway.

"You're the one I want, Jasper. Not...him," I spoke with conviction.

Jasper frowned. "You don't even want to say his name. And you can't even tell me you love me."

He was right. I couldn't. Instead, I grabbed Jasper's hand and placed it on my chest.

"Bella, don't distract me," Jasper cautioned, with a smirk, cupping my breast.

I laughed and placed his hand higher, in the middle of my chest.

"Feel me, Jasper. Do I love..._Edward_..."

I paused to give Jasper time to carefully observe my emotions, and try to detect anything that would confirm his fear. But, there was nothing.

"...or _you_?"

Although I couldn't say the words, as I did so many times before, I looked deep into his eyes and openly shared my devotion and admiration, my need and desire for _him_ and him alone.

Jasper was visibly affected by my outpouring and looked as if he was going to cry.

"Until you see him face to face, and deal with it, I'll always be a little insecure. He was your first love. Yes, you were a human, but the love you two shared was intense."

"How do you think I feel about _Alice_? I feel insecure about your relationship with her, too," I pointed out. I looking forward to seeing Alice again, but I was afraid it would be awkward because of her history with Jasper.

"That's different. Alice encouraged our relationship and even gave us her blessing. It's more complicated with Edward."

"I'll see him at Christmas with the family, right? We'll deal with it right away..." I was trying act nonchalantly, as if it were so simple, but I knew Jasper was right. It was complicated.

"He won't be there."

"Why? Where will he be?"

"I'm sorry I didn't mention this sooner, but Edward hasn't been with the family since we left Forks on the night of your birthday party. He checks in every once in awhile, but he's been in a self imposed exile for more than a year. Since he can't be with you, he doesn't want to be with anyone."

I was confused and shocked.

Jasper closed his eyes, as if he had a headache. "Bella, there's something you deserve to know. Edward left you because he thought he was too dangerous for you. He didn't want to hurt you, or allow us to hurt you, so he separated himself from you. He didn't want to leave you, Bella. He _lied_ to you because he thought he was _protecting_ you. But, now that you're one of us, there's nothing that should keep the two of you apart."

This was a revelation I did not expect. Edward lied to me when he said he didn't want me? He was trying to protect me because he was a dangerous vampire and I had been a frail human. I understood his concern. It was remarkable we even had a relationship in the first place. But, he still loved me?

"This is what I'm saying Bella," Jasper continued, opening his eyes that were filled with fear. "When Edward sees you, he's going to want to be with you again."

A wave of fear came over me, as I thought of someone taking me from Jasper. Noticing my alarm, Jasper pulled me closer to him.

"Don't be afraid, Bella. I won't let him have you. I'm just worried that when you see him, your human memories will resurface and you'll realize the love you have for him...and you'll want to be with him, not me."

In a million years, I couldn't imagine that I would prefer Edward over Jasper. Never.

"That's not going to happen Jasper," I tried to assure him, but he ignored me.

"I don't want to force you to be with me, Bella, but I cannot allow someone else to have you. You're _mine_."

Jasper was more upset than I had ever seen him before, full of concern and worry. I reached out my arms and he leaned against me as I hugged him.

**JPOV**

God, I was such a blubbering idiot. Never in my existence had I been so vulnerable and weak, but the thought of losing Bella brought those feelings out in full force. I couldn't pretend to be brave when discussing my biggest fear. I had never reacted this way with Maria or Alice or anyone. As a man I should be strong and confident, I should be the one to comfort Bella, not have her comfort me like I was a child. Yet, I so desparetely needed her assurance that she wanted me and not Edward.

I was carefully reading Bella's emotions, and there was a mixture of thirst (that was always there, she was still a newborn), confusion, fear, and commitment to me. Bella was being completely honest when she told me she didn't love Edward, but since she hadn't told me she loved me, I was still a basketcase of insecurity.

Sitting up, I shook my head in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry for being so _emotional _about this, Bella," I apologized. "God, I'm such a _baby_!" I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Bella didn't smile, but looked deep in thought. Finally, she spoke.

"I don't love Edward...I...love..._you_..."

As she spoke the words, it was as if glass was being shattered and I felt the shards explode in my face. It was physically painful.

"What was that?" she gasped, surprised as I was at the explosion. Bella shook her head, as if she was disoriented. "Are you okay?" she asked urgently, apparently noticing my reaction.

"I'm okay. Are you okay?"

She nodded, and looked at me with a hopefully smile. "I don't know what _that _ meant, but that's got to be a good first step, right? I was able to say it. Do you believe me?"

"Yes, I believe you," I replied seriously.

"I love you, Jasper," she said the words carefully, as if bracing herself for another explosion. When nothing happened, she sighed. "I do. I _love_ you."

Bella saying the words I longed to hear was unlike anything I ever heard before. It filled me with peace beyond comprehension.

"Say it again?" I asked, kissing her cheek.

"I love you," she whispered.

I kissed her neck. "Again."

"I love you."

I kissed her breasts. "Again."

"I love you."

I put my hands on her hips and pulled her against me. Her eyes widened when our flesh made contact. I was filled with heat and desire for her.

"Can I show you how much I love _you_?" I whispered.

Bella nodded, her breathing increasing and her body trembling with an equal desire for me.

Although all my fears had not subsided, in that moment I felt confident in Bella's love for me and that whatever obstacles came our way, we would face them..._together._


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**BPOV**

Before I knew it, the time had arrived for us to depart for Ithaca to join the family for Christmas.

"Do we have to go?" I complained, as Jasper laid on top of me, the weight of his body making me feel safe and at home. "Can't we stay here?"

"The family is expecting us. And you want to go," he reminded me, kissing my shoulder.

"Will they accept us?" I wondered, suddenly worried.

"If they don't, we'll leave," he answered quickly.

"You'd leave your family for me?" I asked, surprised.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "They're your family, too, you know. But, of course I would. Where you go, I go."

I wrapped my legs around Jasper's waist and put my arms around his back, pulling him closer to me. Our faces were an inch apart. This was my favorite position, but Jasper could never get as close as I wanted him to be.

"I've met Carlisle and Esme, but remind me about the others. What's Emmett like?"

Jasper kissed the bottom half of my lips. "Emmett is the quinessential older brother. He is obsessed with competition, loves to tease and have fun, but he's fiercely loyal. Rosalie is his mate."

I returned the kiss. "And Rosalie? I feel like she didn't like me..."

"It takes time to get to know Rose. She didn't like the idea of a human being involved with our family. It was a risk, and she's very loyal like Emmett. It wasn't personal. She's tenascious, a mechanic, and Emmett is the only one who can calm her down when she gets fired up about something."

I swallowed nervously. "Alice?"

Jasper kissed me fully on the mouth, as if he was hungry and kissing me was the only thing that would satisfy him. "You already know about her gift, but she's very positive and enthusiasitic, and you were her best friend. She dresses the family, always gets her way. You'll love her."

"Edward?"

Jasper rolled over, pulling me on top of him, which was _his _favorite position. "Sorry, he's my competition. You'll have to figure him out for yourself."

I sighed. "Not funny, Jasper," I replied, sitting up to straddle him.

It was remarkable how comfortable I was with Jasper. We had spent the last few weeks almost always naked, but I never felt embarrassed by it. My long hair was covering my breasts, but I was still very naked, and sitting on top of him. I moved my hips side to side and felt him harden in arousal.

"You're not teasing me are you?" he asked with a smile. "We're scheduled to be at the airport in a few hours and we need to hunt first."

I leaned forward to leave a trail of kisses down his chest. "Who knows when we'll be completely alone again? I already miss you."

Jasper sat up and put his hands on my hips, lifting me up to position me correctly. When he was in me, we began to make love with fervancy. We didn't break eye contact, our bodies and emotions communciating with a force that shook the entire cabin.

We showered together, dressed one another, then prepared the cabin for our departure, not sure when we'd see it again. Our plan was to spend Christmas and the first few weeks of the new year with the family, and then decide where to go from there. After covering the furniture with dust cloths, Jasper set the alarm and we ran off into the wilderness for a final hunt. Alaska and this cabin would always have a special place in my heart, but I was excited to move on with my life with Jasper.

I was also nervous. Leaving Denali meant being regularly exposed to humans. I wasn't even out of my newborn year yet. It was a risk, but Jasper assured me he and the family were making every precaution.

After overindulging in animal blood, Jasper handed me a pair of sunglasses to cover my oddly colored eyes. Once we entered town, we hailed a cab to take us to the airport. I did not breathe during the ride, fully aware of the heartbeat and pulsating blood in the human driving.

Carlisle chartered a private plane for our flight. It was very generous of him, and I was thankful to not have to be in an enclosed space with a hundred humans for several hours. I doubt anyone would have remained alive by the time the plane landed.

I squeezed Jasper's hand as we entered the private hanger.

"I don't know if I can do this," I whispered. "Even with just a couple of pilots, I am going to be very, very tempted. The taxi ride was torture." I remembered the smell of human and venom filled my mouth.

Jasper grinned. "I have a surprise for you...I don't think you have to worry about that..."

I enhaled, preparing to be assaulted with temptation, only to detect two vampire scents. I took off my sunglasses and looked at Jasper in alarm. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Rosalie and Emmett..."

"Surprise!" a deep voice bellowed out, and Emmett and Rosalie emerged from the plane.

Emmett bounded down the staircase, gracefully, which was surprising due to his large stature. Had he always been this big?

Instead of being on guard, ready to attack, as any normal vampire would be, I shrieked in delight.

Emmett picked me up and spun me around. "Bella! We missed you so much!" he exclaimed.

"Emmett! I missed you, too," I responded warmly.

When he set me down, Rosalie was at my side. She smiled and seemed as excited to see me as Emmett, which was not expected. Jasper neglected to mention Rosalie's beauty. It was breathtaking.

"Bella," she greeted, hugging me fiercely. "We couldn't wait to see you, so we insisted on being your pilots."

"You're flying the plane?" I asked in astonishment.

"Rose is the pilot, I'm too big to fit into the cockpit..." Emmett boomed with a hearty laugh.

I glanced at Jasper who was smiling. "Rosalie is a very skilled pilot," Jasper remarked. "She flew the family to Europe last time we visited."

"Am I not talented, too?" Emmett whined, faking a punch in Jasper's direction. The two men started sparring.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Emmett has missed his brother. I refuse to fight him, although we do _wrestle_ occassionally." She winked at me with a laugh, but then became serious.

"Bella, I'm so very sorry. When Carlisle and Esme told us what happened to you, I was truly horrified. Both Emmett and I will always be there for you in the future. We won't make the same mistake twice."

She spoke with sincerity and I could see the loyality in her that Jasper mentioned. I didn't know how to respond, so I simply nodded. It seemed to be sufficient for Rosalie.

"Good, good," she murmered, glancing towards the men still tussling. "Sweetheart?"

Emmettt immediately raced across the hanger, at vampire speed, to join Rosalie. "Yeah, babe?"

"It's time to depart. Would you open the hanger door for me?"

"Of course," he replied, dutifully, leaning down to kiss her, before he went to open the wide, large, garage type door. I wasn't an empath like Jasper, but even I felt the passion between Emmett and Rosalie. My eyes widened.

Rosalie hugged Jasper. "Brother, it's so good to see you. I've missed you."

"I'm missed you, too, Rose. I can't wait to catch up with you...a lot has happened," Jasper glanced at me and smiled.

Rosalie noticed. "So I've heard..." she replied with a smirk, looking over both of us.

I felt a bit awkward, wondering how much she knew and what she thought.

"I'm warning you, Bella, he's high maintanence. I've lived with him for 50 years and he's always drama, drama, drama..."

Was Rosalie actually making a joke? Or was she serious? We began walking up the stairs into the plane.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "You're calling _me_ high maintanance?" he teased. "What about your 50 weddings that you've made me attend?" He put his hand on the small of my back and led me to a seat, as Rosalie entered the cockpit, putting on head phones and flipping switches.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You _loved _it," she replied.

Emmett joined us, closing the plane door, and sitting across from us. "Bella, you're invited to our next wedding," he added. "We're thinking New Year's day...a small ceremony, family and 50 of our closest strangers..."

I was confused. I seemed to be confused a lot these days.

"Really?" I asked.

Emmett laughed. "No, I'm just joking."

Jasper held my hand. "Emmett and Rosalie like to renew their wedding vows...a lot. It's a family joke," he explained.

I smiled and nodded.

"When are we going to arm wrestle, Bella? I can't wait to test out your newborn strength!" Emmett stretched out his arm, flexing his gigantic muscles. I knew I was strong, but I couldn't be stronger than he was.

"No, no, no," Rosalie called from the front. "You'll mess with the balance of the plane. Wait until we get home."

Emmett groaned, but seemed to agree. "First thing, when we get home. Promise me, Bella."

"Promise," I assured him. "Although, I'm sure you'll win."

"Not necessarily," Japser disagreed. "Newborns still have their human blood in their system and it makes them very, very strong. You could take him."

"I've never had a chance to play with a newborn before! I'm so excited."

Emmett's enthusiasm made me laugh. He was almost bouncing. "We have so many fun things planned, and I can't wait to see you _hunt_, Bella. It's going to be the best Christmas ever!"

With the mention of hunt, I remembered how I attacked a bear on his behalf.

"When I alone in the wilderness, I had a flash of a memory of you telling me how you loved to hunt bears. So, I dedicated my first bear to you, Emmett."

He grinned, but suddenly wore the same expression that Rosalie did earlier. "Bella, I'm sorry you were alone. That won't happen again."

Emmett and Rosalie's pledge of loyality to me so soon after our reunion touched me deeply. I didn't expect it, but it made me feel very loved. Jasper put his arm around me, feeling my emotions.

"Do you remember anything from your human days?" Emmett asked.

I shook my head. "Not really. Well, there are bits and pieces. Jasper told me that Carlisle thinks because I was alone for so long after my change, and focused on my thirst, a lot of the memories are lost. They may come back, but we're not certain."

"Rose remembers more of her human memories than most of us, but she's concentrated very hard on remembering them...and often. So, what Carlisle says makes sense. I don't remember much about my human brothers because once I met Rose, she was all that mattered."

He looked wistfully towards the cockpit, as if he missed Rosalie even though they'd only be separated for a few minutes.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back," he said with a smile, and went to check on Rosalie.

Jasper took this private moment to give me a kiss, which I eagerly accepted.

"They are really in love, aren't they?" I asked in amazement.

He nodded, looking deep in my eyes. "That's what happens with a vampire finds his mate. It's an extremely powerful thing."

I would have blushed if I could have, but instead I blinked and looked down.

Emmett eventually rejoined us, leaving the cockpit door open so that Rosalie could join the conversation. He entertained us with stories of their recent trip to Africa and memories of life with Jasper. I noticed he was careful to not mention Alice or Edward, probably being sensitive to the fact it might feel awkward to me. I appreciated the effort, although I knew we couldn't avoid them forever.

The flight went by quickly and Emmett never stopped talking, although he was also a good listener. Jasper was right – Emmett was the quintessential older brother. He was very likeable and fun and I was looking forward to spending more time with him. Rosalie chimmed in occassionally, but she gave Emmett his space to talk. I glanced at her a few times, and thanks to my amazing vampire sight, I saw that she was smiling. She seemed happy and happy that Emmett was happy.

Jasper was also radiating happiness. I could tell he enjoyed being around Emmett and Rosalie and missed their company. It was interesting to watch him interact with others. He kept one arm around me and used the other to hold my hand, not hiding his affection for me from Emmett. He was more talkative than he had been with Carlisle and Esme, but still had a reserved demenour. Jasper was being himself, but I could tell that he was much more open and transparent with me than anyone else. It made me feel really lucky that I had the opportunity to know this man in a way no one else did.

When the plane landed, there were two cars waiting on the tarmac by the private hanger.

"Bella, there will be a couple of humans here to take the plane from us," Jasper warned.

I swallowed the venom in my throat. "Okay, thanks for the warning."

Emmett looked up from his cell phone. "Also, the others were impatient and came to meet us."

I looked at Jasper. Alice, no doubt. And Carlisle and Esme. He nodded, seeming to read my thoughts. As we disembarked, the doors of the cars opened, and they appeared.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed with an ethusiasm that was a force to be reckoned with. She kissed me on the cheek. "You're here!"

Jasper was still holding my hand and I held it tighter.

"Hey, Jaz," Alice greeted casually and then stepped back.

Carlisle and Esme hugged us both, asking about the flight, remarking how excited they were we had joined them for the holiday. The entire family made a protective circle around me as the humans came to take the plane. I noticed this and it was a comfort. I may have been a strong newborn, but there was no way I could overtake six very strong and skilled vampires.

"I want Bella to ride with me," Alice announced. "The rest of you can go with Carlisle."

I shifted uncomfortably. She didn't seem to be giving me a choice and she spoke with the authority of someone who was used to getting her way. Did the family always let her boss them around?

"No," Jasper replied, his voice deeper than normal, and very firm.

"I need to talk to Bella," Alice explained, emphasizing every word. "_Alone_."

"I'm not leaving her, so that's not going to happen."

There was a stand off between Alice and Jasper and I glanced at Carlisle to see if he would mediate. Noticing my unease, he did.

"Alice, darling, I know you're excited to see Bella, but whatever you need to say can wait until we get home. Jasper and Bella will ride with us, and Rosalie and Emmett will ride with you. Let's go."

Carlisle apparently had more authroity in the family than Alice did, and everyone immediately reacted, heading to the correct car. Jasper led me by the hand to a Mercedes and opened the door for me. He winked at me when I looked up at him.

"Alice is really happy to see you, her enthusiasm gets ahead of her sometimes." he explained, not phased by the interaction. "I won't leave you alone with her, unless you want to be."

"Thanks," I replied, suddenly missing Jasper, even though he was sitting right beside me.

"What's wrong?" he whispered into my ear, too low for Carlisle and Esme to hear, even with their enhanced senses.

I looked at him and shrugged, but I was beginning to be overwhelmed. I was so happy to finally be with all the Cullens. I was even happy to see Alice, but a sinking feeling was trying to overtake me. Jasper pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I found comfort in his embrace and eagerly accepted the waves of calm he was sending me.

I didn't know what was happening to me, but I knew it wasn't good.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**_Beeeeeeeep._**

_Alice, you win. I'm going back to Forks and I'm going to beg Bella to forgive me and take me back. I'm guessing Bella is at home for the Christmas holiday? Would you find out for me? I know the family is still upset with me, but I would really appreciate it if you would all meet me in Forks. I'll call you when my plane lands in Seattle. Why didn't you answer the phone? That's odd. Anyway, tell Jasper and everyone I said hello and I'll see you all very soon. Goodbye._

**_Click._**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**A/N: Thank you for all for the story alerts and for making this story a favorite. Most of all, thanks for your feedback. Your participation makes this a better story and I am inspired by it. If you're interested, check out my other stories "The Transformation of Emmett McCarty" about Emmett's change, and "Family Ties" which is a collection of Cullen family moments with Bella. Links are on my profile page. Happy New Year!**

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**JPOV**

Something was happening to Bella. As soon as we arrived at the house, Emmett was eager for the arm wrestling match, but seeing Bella's demeanor made him back off. She was unusually quiet, not making eye contact with anyone, as Esme gave us a tour of the property. Even Alice stayed in the background, although I could feel her impatience. All of us exchanged glances, noticing that Bella was preoccupied with her thoughts. When Esme showed us our bedroom, the family left us alone.

It concerned me that Bella was unreadable. I couldn't feel anything coming from her and wondered if she was using her shield. We discussed her gift a handful of times over the last several months, but never really explored it. Now I wished I understood it better.

"Darlin', are you okay? I can't feel you," I asked softly, sitting down on the bed and pulling her into my lap. She laid her head against my chest and sighed.

"I don't feel very well," she responded blankly.

I was alarmed. Vampires rarely felt sick, unless they went without blood for a long period of time, and I knew Bella was well fed. "I'll fetch Carlisle," I said, standing up and setting her back on the chair.

"No, don't leave," Bella pleaded. "Let's just sit here for awhile." She held out her arms to me.

I nodded and returned to our previous position, sending her waves of comfort, although they kept bouncing back to me. After a few minutes, however, I began to feel her again and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"There we go, Bella's back," I murmured, smoothing her hair. She was feeling heartbroken and afraid. It wasn't intense, but it was there, pulling at Bella. I sent her my love and she smiled, but didn't open her eyes.

"Jasper, no matter what happens, don't leave me," Bella pleaded.

I kissed her head. "Darlin', I will never leave you."

"Good," she murmured, satisfied.

It was only seconds later when Alice, and the rest of the family burst into the room.

"Bella, Jasper, where are you?" Alice screamed, looking around, searching for us.

Anger pulsated through my body, "What the hell, Alice?" I yelled, still holding on to Bella.

Everyone looked at us in shock, surprised that we were in the room. Did they think we left? I immediately realized I was only reading their body language and couldn't feel their emotions.

"I couldn't see you...I _can't _see you..." Alice stuttered, looking confused.

"I can't feel you, either," I admitted, looking directly at Carlisle. "Is Bella shielding us?"

Bella hadn't responded at all to the commotion, but was as still as a statue in my arms.

"There's one way to find out," Carlisle said. "When the Quielete's tried to attack Bella, they physically bounced back."

Emmett nodded in understanding. "I'll do it," he offered, and immediately began walking towards us.

When he was only a few feet away, there was a flash of electricity in the air and Emmett flew back, crashing through the bedroom wall. Rosalie rushed to Emmett's side to help him up.

"Damn, that hurt," Emmett muttered, shaking his head. "I'm not volunteering to do _that_ again...Sorry about the wall, Esme," he added with a grin.

Esme gave Emmett a side hug. "I'm glad you're alright," she assured him, dismissing the damage to the wall. "What _was _that?"

Carlisle looked impressed and very pleased. "It's Bella's shield. It's her gift and it explains why Alice couldn't see her and Jasper, and why no one can approach them. She must feel overwhelmed and is protecting herself...and her mate."

A thrill rushed through me when Carlisle referred to me as Bella's mate.

"We need to give them privacy and let Bella become more comfortable with us. She needs to acclimate slowly," Carlisle advised.

Everyone nodded in agreement and filed out of the room. Alice was the last one to leave and smiled at me with compassion. "I need to talk to Bella, Jazz. _Soon_," she mouthed and I nodded, acknowledging her words, but not giving my permission.

It wasn't that I didn't trust Alice, because I did, but I knew that often what she thought was urgent wasn't necessarily a matter of life or death. She was wanted things to happen as soon as she had a vision about them. Alice needed to be patient.

I continued to hold Bella in my arms, whispering words of my love for her, my thoughts filled with what to do next. Maybe the family should have visited us in Alaska first, I thought. It was a familiar and a safe place for Bella. All of us together was overwhelming her for some reason, although she had given no indication she was unhappy or uncomfortable until we arrived at the house. But, maybe she was shielding herself and I hadn't noticed? Her shield seemed to have varying degrees. She could protect herself, protect others...it was fascinating and very powerful.

"Are you thirsty?" I asked, looking for an excuse to leave the house. "We can get out of here for awhile, if you want."

"No," Bella replied. "I'm alright, probably just some newborn freak out." She looked up at me and smiled, but oozed embarrassment.

I kissed her forehead, sending her reassurance and confidence. I didn't know if talking about this episode would help, since Bella herself didn't seem to understand why she was out of sorts.

"Do you feel well enough to go downstairs?" I asked.

She nodded and stood up. I pulled her back into my lap and kissed her fervently.

Every kiss with Bella shared the same intensity of a first kiss. I felt vulnerable and confident and when our lips touched, it was a sacred moment. No one else mattered, everything faded away and it was just the two of us.

I had observed mated vampires and logically understood what it meant to be mated, but experiencing it personally was an entirely different thing. Every moment with Bella was the happiest moment of my existence. I was completely at peace when she was with me. Physically, I didn't know it was possible to feel so satisfied when we made love. Bella instinctively knew how to please me and I seemed to know exactly how to please her, too. And while I was committed to and loved the Cullen family, if Bella asked me to leave and never see them again, I would do it without a second thought. She alone had my undying loyalty. I would be at her beck and call for the rest of eternity.

Although we hadn't had private conversations about the shocking revelation that Bella was my mate, Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Rosalie seemed to have fully accepted us as a couple. I hadn't detected any unusual or ill feelings, and when I had been affectionate with Bella, they were happy for us. Only Esme had shown worry and I knew it was because she was thinking of Edward and his reaction, not because she disapproved. But, it made sense we were so readily accepted. Now that I had a mate, I realized there was a mutual understanding with others who had also mated. Carlisle and Emmett felt the same way about Esme and Rosalie as I did for Bella. And I'm sure once Alice reassured them that she was supportive of the relationship, that had helped as well.

"Did you know that when the burning stopped, you were the first person that came to my mind?" Bella mentioned after our kiss.

This bit of information filled me with joy. "Really? You never told me that before."

"I just thought of it, actually. Strange," she shrugged and pulled me off the bed. "I believe Emmett is ready for a little competition," she added with a smile, apparently fully recovered.

A shout of excitement was heard coming from downstairs, Emmett's response from his enhanced hearing picking up our conversation and the news he would finally get to arm wrestle Bella.

"Kick his butt," I encouraged, with a wink.

**BPOV**

I didn't know what happened to me and I'm glad Jasper didn't make me talk about it. I wanted to blame it on being a newborn, and that's the excuse I gave Jasper, but I knew it was more than that. I felt a sense of impending doom, a sense of a coming confrontation that could not be avoided. After Jasper told me he couldn't feel me, I even blacked out for a moment. It terrified me.

But, Jasper was my source of strength. After being alone with him for awhile, I recovered. Whatever was going to happen, I needed Jasper to be by my side, and that's why I begged him to never leave me. I felt secure and confident in his love, and it would give me the power I needed to face whatever was coming my way.

Despite the unexpected episode, it was so good to be with the family again. Being surrounded by the Cullens made me feel like I was _home_. When I came downstairs, almost everyone but Emmett ignored me and Jasper. I figured they were trying to make me feel comfortable, but it was unnecessary.

"Would anyone like to watch me humiliate Emmett?" I joked.

Immediately the others were attentive and followed us outside to the designated area. For the next several hours everyone watched me and Emmett compete, cheering and clapping for us. It began with basic arm wrestling, then running, weight lifting, but as I continued to win, Emmett began to think of more specific challenges. Eventually, he won in a game of control – something to do with bouncing a ball while climbing a tree. Jasper refused to let me wrestle Emmett, so he volunteered himself, and even Carlisle went a few rounds.

I felt like I had never laughed so much. The games and quality time together was the perfect way to be reintroduced to the family. I suspected Emmett intentionally planned it this way and I made a mental note to thank him for it later. Testing my skills and exercising them also reinforced my general feeling that I was always intended to be a vampire. It felt natural and _right _and I was so thankful I had been given a second chance, even if it didn't happen how I originally planned.

As I reflected on this, a flash of a human experience came to my memory. It was vibrant and clear. I was at the prom, with Edward, and the others were there, too. We were dancing and I was happy. Flash forward, to Edward and I alone, and I was asking him to change me into a vampire. He refused.

I suddenly lost my balance, but quickly recovered. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed, and they hadn't, except for Jasper, of course. He looked at me with surprise and concern, and I smiled and shook my head dismissively. The look in his eyes told me that he _would _make me talk about this later.

Dawn arrived and Carlisle, Esme and Alice informed us they were going into town to finish Christmas shopping. Since I didn't want to be tempted with humans, Jasper and I stayed behind, along with Rosalie and Emmett. However, once the others left, Rosalie and Emmett quickly made an excuse and disappeared, too.

"They wanted some _alone_ time," Jasper explained, sending a wave of lust my way, probably what he had observed from Emmett and Rosalie, with a mixture of his own.

"Ooooh," I replied with a grin, my eyes widening.

Jasper pounced, pinning me down on the sofa, the weight of his body heavy on mine. I sighed.

"This is nice," I cooed, feeling relaxed.

"We have to make the most of this opportunity," Jasper informed, kissing my neck. "Everyone is so happy when we're all together, I expect we won't have very many more times alone."

"Is it silly to say that I've missed _us_?" I asked. Although we had never left each other's sight since we arrived, I missed being completely alone with him.

"No, I feel the same way," he replied, unbuttoning my shirt so that his mouth could explore my chest.

I moaned as he kissed my breasts. "Could we move this to a more private place?" I whispered.

We were on a sofa in the living room, which had a very open and exposed floor plan. I didn't want to shock sweet Esme by allowing her to walk in on us making love or face the awkwardness of being caught by Alice. Surprisingly, Alice hadn't pursued the one on one conversation that she seemed to desperately want. During the competitions with Emmett, she was my loudest cheerleader, and didn't seem so impatient to talk. She was enjoying herself like the rest of us.

"Your wish is my command," Jasper responded, gracefully placing me on his back and running out the door.

As we were running, I had another flash of human memory. I was on E_dward's _back and we were running through a forest. He was laughing and so was I. When we stopped, he carefully set me on the ground and then he _kissed_ me.

I opened my eyes and Jasper was kissing me. I screamed.

**JPOV**

Bella had never screamed at me before, and I took two steps back in shock. I was hurt.

I rarely guarded my emotions around Bella, it was my natural instinct to be transparent with her, and she felt my hurt. Her eyes widened in horror and she threw her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry! It's not you! It's not you!" she exclaimed.

I hugged her. "What happened, Bella?"

She sighed and looked over at a bench. We were in a small shack, on a section of the hundred year old property that Esme hadn't yet restored. I spotted it when Esme gave us a tour, making a note it would be a perfect place for alone time with Bella, far enough away from vampire ears in the main house.

"Let's sit down," she suggested. "We need to talk."

Bella held my hand and led me to the bench, where we sat facing one another.

"This is not easy for me to talk about," she warned. "And I know it's not easy for you, either."

Edward. This had to be about Edward. I nodded.

"Remember earlier when I lost my balance? Well, I had a very clear human memory. It was about Edward."

I wanted to growl, although I had no reason to feel defensive or angry. Bella was watching to see how I would respond, and I smiled.

"Go on," I encouraged.

"I was asking him to change me, but he refused. And just now, as we were carrying me while running, I had a memory of Edward and I doing the same thing. Then, when you were kissing me, I was remembering when _Edward_ kissed me."

It was too much, the image of Edward kissing my mate, even though she had been human at the time and I was unaware of my attachment to her. I stood up, jealousy pouring off me, my fists clenched.

"I'm sorry," she replied miserably. "I didn't want to remember it, it just happened."

I knew I was being selfish and sat back down to hold Bella's hands.

"_I'm_ sorry, Bella," I apologized, squeezing her hands gently. "Your human memories seem to be returning. Maybe it's because you're with the family again?"

At this realization, I wanted to take Bella away from the family. Her human memories were filled with Edward, and I didn't want her to be reminded of him. Not just for jealousy's sake, but because I knew the damage he had done to her. It wasn't too long ago that Bella came to me a mess of emotions. I remembered the intense heartache and loneliness she felt when she confessed Edward told her he didn't want her. I didn't want Bella to have to face that pain again. Protecting Bella was my duty.

She shrugged. "Maybe."

"We should leave," I suggested. "You're still a newborn and this trip was pre-mature. I shouldn't have allowed you to be overwhelmed like this..."

Bella shook her head in protest. "I'm happy to be with the family. It's not their fault. I want to stay."

I sighed. Leaving would be easy, but perhaps this would have inevitably happened, no matter what length of time we stayed away.

"Okay, then we need to talk about Edward."

She cringed. If her memories of Edward were resurfacing, then he was unavoidable.

"We can't ignore him forever. For my peace of mind and for yours, and for the future of the family, we have to resolve our issues."

"And those issues are...?" Bella asked, wanting clarification.

"Well, to put it very simply, Edward did you wrong. He needs to acknowledge the pain he caused you and how his selfishness affected the entire family. And, we need to tell him about _us_."

Bella sighed. "How am I going to deal with this?" she asked.

I cupped her face with my hands. "I'm not going to leave you, Bella," I reminded her tenderly. "We'll face this _together._"

Bella smiled, and though I felt her love for me, I knew she was hiding something, too. She initiated a kiss, but it was filled with sadness. This troubled me.

"Bella," I whispered between kisses. "I want you, forever. You're so good for me. You are my world."

Bella stood up and started hyperventilating, which I had never seen a vampire do before since we technically did not need to breathe to survive. She was having an emotional reaction to my words, but not in a good way. I was terrified to see Bella so upset, especially when there was nothing I could do to help her. She wasn't blocking me, but the calm I was sending her was not affecting her. She absorbed it, but it wasn't enough to settle her.

I pinned her against a wall, trying to steady her.

"Focus on me, Bella. Look into my eyes," I instructed, trying to make eye contact with her.

She obeyed and her eyes full of panic settled on mine. Within a couple of seconds, she physically relaxed.

"What's happening to me?" she asked, her eyes searched mine, as if I had an answer. I didn't.

"I wish I knew, but we'll figure it out," I encouraged with a small smile.

Bella used her newborn strength to break free from being pinned and she threw her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist. It was similar to the second time we kissed, the time when she actually kissed me back. This time I didn't have to use restraint and walk away. I pressed Bella against the wall, wondering if it could withstand our weight, and decided to be careful just in case.

The pleasure from our kisses filled us both with desire, and Bella gave me a familiar look that told me she ready. Bella unbuttoned my pants and I unbuttoned hers, and after she guided me into her, she started sobbing. I paused for a second, concerned, because usually _I_ was the one who became emotional during our love making.

"Don't stop," she pleaded, moving her hips back and forth, filling me with pleasure. She was going slowly, savoring each sensation, and I matched the rhythm of her movement.

Usually our love making was fervent and intense, but this was slow and steady, prolonging the satisfaction, taking the most out of every moment. She continued to sob as I covered her face with kisses, trying to comfort her.

Bella looked me at directly as I moved in and out of her.

"Don't leave me, Jasper," she commanded, repeating her earlier request. "No matter what happens, promise you won't leave me."

"I promise," I immediately answered with a kiss.

I didn't understand why Bella was suddenly so afraid of me abandoning her. Later I would realize it wasn't _me_ she was afraid of...she was afraid of herself. Her intuition was preparing her for what was to come.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

**JPOV**

When we left the shack, Bella and I went for a long walk on the property. It was over 10,000 acres of forest and picturesque after a recent snow fall. Since it was one of our favorite things to do in Alaska, I thought the familiarity would help make Bella feel safe and secure. She wasn't shielding herself from me, but she was more reserved than usual. Still troubled, yet putting on a brave face. Bella was quiet as we walked hand in hand back to the main house.

"You know, the suffer in silence thing doesn't work with me," I teased. "I can _feel_ how you're doing."

She grinned. "I'm fine, just thinking about things."

I wanted to tell her to not think so much, but that would be idiotic. Bella had a mind of her own and I valued that. But, I was an empath and _feeling _was how I navigated my life. When I was making love to her, I felt her desire and commitment to me. And she made _me _feel like I was the only man in the world for her. I wasn't insecure about our relationship, but I was worried about her.

When we entered the house, Rosalie and Emmett were hanging stockings on the fireplace mantel and Carlisle, Esme and Alice were putting presents under the tree. Holiday music was playing and the atmosphere was a postcard of the perfect family Christmas. It was a cheerful sight to behold and I felt Bella's spirit brighten.

The family greeted us with delight, ushering us in to assist them in preparing for the holiday. When the house was decorated, Emmett dressed up as Santa and chased the women around the house, asking if they had been a good girl this year. Bella couldn't stop laughing at his antics. Edward's absence was obvious, and even I missed him, but the addition of Bella to our family seemed to bring joy to everyone. Carlisle and Esme were fawning over her and I'd never seen Alice so happy, either.

At the end of the day, Carlisle began reading the poem "The Night Before Christmas" (from an original handwritten copy by Clement Clarke Moore) and Bella and I were sitting on the sofa with the others. After a few moments, I realized Bella was starring at something. I followed her line of sight to the fireplace mantel. Her eyes were fixed on a Christmas stocking with Edward's name on it.

I shouldn't be jealous, I told myself. Bella had given herself to me completely, and only hours ago was begging me to not leave her. Bella loved _me_. But, why was she starring at Edward's name and undoubtedly thinking about him?

**BPOV**

This was the Christmas with the Cullens that I always imagined. I felt so accepted, so _loved._ Carlisle and Esme were the ideal parents, I began to think of Rosalie as a mature, older sister, Emmett as a hilarious big brother, and Alice as my dear best friend. Along with Jasper by my side, what more could I ask for in life?

Throughout the day, my human memories began returning at an alarming rate. They weren't all crystal clear, but I remembered being in love with Edward and certain family moments with the Cullens. Along with the memories came the emotions, but I kept these troubling feelings to myself, to protect Jasper. Although I didn't fully understand my shield, I was starting to learn how to control it. This was his Christmas holiday, too. I wanted him to enjoy it instead of worrying about me.

When Carlisle began reading to us, I realized I had no previous Christmas memories with the Cullens. Edward left me in September. I spent the following Christmas in bed, a heartbroken mess, alone. I starred at the Christmas stocking with Edward's name on it, no longer alone, but surrounded by people I loved and who loved me, too. I should have been with them last Christmas, but Edward robbed me of that opportunity when he left. He knew how dedicated I was to him and how much I cared for his family, but he left anyway. Anger bubbled within me, but it was followed by gratefulness. Thanks to _Jasper_ I was getting a second chance to experience a Cullen family Christmas.

I leaned over and kissed Jasper on the cheek. He was surprised and his face lit up with a smile.

**JPOV**

Bella kissed me, giving me the assurance I needed, just as I was starting to worry whether she still loved Edward. I put my arm around her and she snuggled closer to me.

We clapped when Carlisle finished reading, and everyone remained in their seats, talking casually with one another. Alice was sitting by herself, but Bella invited her to join us. Alice came over to sit cross-legged on the sofa, and began braiding Bella's hair. There was already a sisterly bond between them and I was impressed. I didn't expect the three of us to co-exist so peacefully, but there was no awkwardness and Alice was the one to thank for it. She hadn't displayed an ounce of animosity or jealousy since Bella arrived. Perhaps the time the two of us spent in Denali after Bella's disastrous birthday party had been her mourning period for our relationship, but what she saw in the future encouraged her enough to not let things become awkward amongst us all. Alice was the most unique person I had ever met. She had confidence in herself and her gift and an unquenchable hope for the future.

During the early morning of Christmas Eve, Carlisle, Esme, Bella and I began playing cards. It wasn't like playing with Edward or Alice, whose gifts gave them an advantage, or with Emmett who was extremely competitive. We were all more evenly matched. However, my gift was helpful, if I felt them perk up, then it usually meant they got a good hand. But, Bella was shielding herself – I looked at her and she winked, which confirmed my suspicion.

"Don't let Esme's goodness deceive you, Bella. She's a shrewd player," I warned and she laughed.

"Whatever do you mean?" Esme asked, pretending to be offended. She glanced at Bella and smiled.

Rosalie was sitting in Emmett's lap while they watched a Christmas movie. "My mother doesn't cheat, Jasper," she called out.

"I'm not calling her a cheater," I protested, laughing. "I'm just saying she shouldn't be underestimated."

"Thank you, son," Esme replied, then proceeded to win the hand. Everyone erupted with laughter, especially Carlisle.

"Has anyone seen my phone?" Alice asked coming in the room, looking around. "I left it on the coffee table."

"I put it in your bedroom, dear," Esme replied with a smile. "I was cleaning and wanted it in a safe place."

"Thanks, Esme," Alice sang and danced up the stairs.

Seconds later we heard her scream.

Alice could be dramatic, so we waited downstairs for her, instead of rushing upstairs to see what was wrong. A few more seconds passed and I glanced at Carlisle to see if he thought it was serious.

Just as Carlisle began to stand up, Alice raced downstairs, her hand on her head, berating herself.

"I'm such an idiot, it's all my fault!" she moaned.

"What's wrong, Alice?" Carlisle asked, full of concern.

Alice's voice was strained, her face full of tension. "Edward called. He's going back to Forks."

Everyone stood up in alarm, except for Bella.

"When?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm not sure what time exactly, but it will be _today_," Alice replied, completely stressed. "He wants us to meet him there," she added. Carlisle and Esme looked at each other with hopeful smiles.

"It's all my fault...I knew this was a possibility, but I didn't expect it so soon..." she lamented. "I was so happy for the family to be reunited, that I was distracted. I didn't keep a close enough watch on Edward. He's been so inactive for so long..." her voice trailed off.

"We can tell him to come here, instead of going to Forks," Rosalie suggested. "Christmas doesn't have to be interrupted."

Alice shook her head and looked at Bella. "He's going to Forks to ask you to take him back, Bella," she announced, which helped everyone understand why Alice was so stressed out. "I knew for certain this would happen, although I didn't know _when_. That's why I wanted to talk to you privately. To prepare you. I'm so sorry, Bella."

Alice was hating herself at this moment. She was carrying a lot of responsibility on her shoulders. Telling Bella in advance would have made her worry and potentially ruined the time with the family. I was glad she didn't tell her.

"Alice, you're being too hard on yourself," I said, sending her assurance. "What's done is done. What can we do _now_?"

"Edward will go immediately to Bella's house...and he will find out she's dead."

Everyone gasped. Bella was confused by their reaction. She was so humble, she didn't realize the effect she had on Edward, the effect she had on all of us.

"When you were almost killed by James, Edward briefly considered going to the Volturi if you didn't survive. If he thinks your dead now, he will probably try to do the same thing again," I explained.

Bella knew about the Volturi and her eyes widened. "Really?" she asked in fear. I nodded.

"If we leave now, there's a possibility we can meet him at the airport in Seattle and intervene before he gets to Forks," Alice suggested, her eyes focused in the distance, scanning the future.

"We can do that," Emmett responded confidently, glancing at Rosalie who agreed.

Alice looked pensive. "Bella, we'll need your help. He'll leave with Emmett and Rosalie with ease if he knows you're at our house waiting for him."

I was furious. "Are you seriously asking Bella to _help_ Edward? After what he did to her?"

Everyone but Alice felt conflicted. They wanted to help Edward, but Bella had been through too much already.

Carlisle turned at Bella, who was still sitting on the sofa, while the rest of us were anxiously standing.

"What do you want to do, sweetheart? It's your choice."

* * *

A/N: Does Bella still love Edward? What do you think will/should happen? :) Thanks for reading! Happy New Year!


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

**BPOV**

"What do you want to do, sweetheart?" Carlisle asked. "It's your choice."

I scanned the faces of the people I loved and saw their worry and concern for Edward. If I didn't help, Edward would go to the Volturi and request to die, or at the very least, he would disappear and never be seen again. I didn't want to disappoint them. I was a member of the family now and needed to do my part.

"Of course, I'll come with you. I'll do whatever you need me to do," I replied, nodding my head.

Everyone was visibly relieved and began racing around the house, preparing to leave. Jasper sighed and crossed his arms. I knew that he had my best interests at heart, but did he really expect me to refuse to help the family? I hugged him, even though he had a scowl on his face.

"I love you," I whispered, squeezing him tightly.

Jasper relaxed and returned the hug. "I know you felt like you didn't have a choice, but you did," he cautioned, looking down at me. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to see Edward again surrounded with so much pressure and stress...especially with you not feeling well recently."

I shrugged. "I'll be okay. You're with me, right?"

Jasper's eyes were full of concern. "I'll never leave you Bella," he replied. "I love you."

He leaned down and kissed me and I was flooded with memories of our intimate moments. Being with Jasper made me feel safe. We were a team and I wasn't alone. This gave me the confidence I needed to face Edward. There was a part of me that yearned to see him again, but another part of me wanted to destroy him. The _intensity _of these emotions troubled me. I knew I wasn't even scratching the surface of my feelings for him, but these were vapors that were threatening to suffocate me. I was glad I had Jasper with me because I wasn't sure how I was going to react when I opened the door to the room in my heart that I had kept my feelings for Edward locked up in for all these months.

It was impressive to see the Cullens mobilize to help one of their own. Rosalie was on the phone, barking orders about getting the plane ready to go, Emmett was collecting identification cards, cell phones and wallets, Esme was preparing the house to leave, while Carlisle and Alice retrieved the cars from the garage. We were at the airport within minutes, and in the air minutes after that. It all happened with military precision and efficiency.

When we arrived in Seattle Alice, Emmett and Rosalie went directly to the main airport. Edward wasn't answering his phone, so we assumed he hadn't arrived yet. The family always traveled on the same airline, and they made an educated guess about which terminal he would be in. I knew Alice would prefer that I go with them, but I wasn't ready to be in a place with that many humans. I doubted Jasper would have allowed it, anyway. During the flight he was trying to keep the family calm, but he was visibly tense, unwilling to calm himself.

Carlisle had called ahead and there were cars waiting for us at the hanger for the private plane. He took one, to wait for the others at the airport, and Esme, Jasper and I took the other one to head to Forks. Although, I was fairly well fed, my throat was burning with thirst due to being in the city. I wasn't in a crowded airport, but I was well aware of the humans surrounding us. Carlisle and Jasper thought it was best to get me away from the temptation, and I readily agreed. Although I was maturing, I was still a newborn, and every precaution needed to be made. The family house in Forks, while not very conveient location wise, would be the most comfortable and isolated place for me.

It wasn't until we were on the interstate, heading to Forks, that I realized where we were going. My human personality trait of "suffer in silence" remained with me and I kept the worry to myself, choosing to look out the window, instead of voicing my concerns.

Forks was where I lived when I was a human. With Jasper's help, I had dealt with the reality that I could never return to my old life, but I never expected to return to Forks again. Would I be able to handle being so close to my friends and family and not communicate with them? I knew I wouldn't be able to see Charlie face to face, but I wanted to know if he was doing okay. And Jacob, I didn't remember much of him, yet I knew he was my friend and I missed him. I wanted to thank the Quielites for saving me from Laurent, but would they try to attack me again? A new level of stress hit me, only adding to the growing anxiety of waiting for Edward.

"Any news, Esme?" Jasper asked, noticing she was looking at her phone. An hour had passed and we were half way to Forks, thanks to the speed Jasper was driving.

She shook her head, worried. "Carlisle hasn't heard anything and the others aren't answering their phones."

Jasper gave Esme an assuring smile. "No news is good news at this point, right?"

"I suppose," she replied with a small smile.

Jasper was holding my hand and gave it a squeeze, glancing at me to see how I was doing. My shield was up, but I occasionally sent Jasper waves of my love for him so that he wouldn't be concerned.

"You're doing remarkably well, Bella," he noted, with suspiscion. I guessed I wasn't hiding my shield as well as I thought I was.

"I'm fine," I assured him. "I just never expected to be returning to Forks, though."

Esme murmered in compassion. "I'm sorry, dear. We can leave as soon as this is all sorted out."

I shook my head and turned to look at Esme sitting in the backseat. "It's alright, please don't be bothered on my account."

Esme was annoyed and I was surprised because she had never reacted that way before.

"Bella!" she exclaimed. "Your needs are just as important as anyone else's in the family! Probably even more so right now. You are being very generous and gracious with us all. I'm sorry we had to put you in this position." She sighed. "I can't wait for this trouble to be over and for everything to return to normal."

Esme's consideration of me was touching, but I doubted anything would ever return to normal again. I had a feeling this trouble was just beginning.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice sat outside the American Airlines gate, waiting for the flight from JFK to arrive. The terminal was crowded with holiday travelers because of delayed flights due to weather.

"Are you sure he's on this flight?" Emmett asked impatiently. He never expected to have to _wait _for Edward. It would have been much more exciting to have to race through the airport instead of having hours to spare.

"Yes," Alice responded confidently. "Edward had a connecting flight at JFK and this flight arrives at 10pm. He has to be on this one. He would have called me if he arrived earlier. I'm sure of it."

"This is boooooring," Emmett complained. "All of that adrenaline and excitement and now we're just sitting in an airport on Christmas Eve. Edward is going to owe us one for ruining Christmas."

"Definitely," Rosalie agreed. "His timing is horrendous."

Alice looked at her phone. "I'm not getting any reception," she noted. "Are you guys?"

Emmett and Rosalie looked at their phone. "No service," they replied at the same time.

"What if Edward tried to call you, Alice, and you didn't get it?" Emmett groaned.

Alice shook her head. "My vision would have changed. It's okay, I just wanted to check in with Carlisle. I'm going to call him from a pay phone...and check my messages."

She flittered away, and Emmett glanced at Rosalie and rolled his eyes.

"Our sister is kind of flakey, no?" he remarked. "After all these years, I still don't understand how her gift works."

Rosalie shrugged. "She's never wrong. I suppose it's hard for her to communicate what she sees."

"What do you think Edward will do when he finds out about Bella and Jasper?" he asked. Emmett didn't want his brother to be hurt, but he was upset with the way he handled leaving Bella.

"He'll get over it," Rosalie replied, dismissively. "After the way he's acted, he should beg us for forgiveness. What a brat!"

"Whose side are we on?"

Rosalie was thoughtful. "Jasper and Bella are mates. We all saw the change in Jasper that confirmed it. If Edward _wants_ us to take sides, we're on theirs."

Emmett nodded his head in agreement. "Never in my wildest dreams did I expect Bella and _Jasper_ to be mates, but it's undeniable. The way Bella looks at him is the way you look at me."

"And what way do I look at you?" Rosalie asked, with mock offense.

Emmett batted his eyes lashes, held his hands together and sighed like a school girl.

"Like _this,_" he sang in a feminine voice.

"Whatever," Rosalie replied with a smirk.

He pulled her into his lap, much to the shock of the travelers around them.

"You should see the way _I_ look at you," he growled, playfully.

Rosalie giggled as he began to tickle her.

The Alaskan Airlines flight arrived right on time at 10pm. Edward was smiling as he disembarked from the plane. He would be able to see Bella again on Christmas morning. Of course, he would sneak into her room as soon as he arrived in Forks, but he would wait until daylight before he tried to talk to her. Over and over he rehearsed the speech in his head. _I'm an idiot, I love you, please take me back _was the gist of it.

Checking his phone, Edward noticed there was barely any reception probably due to the amount of people crowding the network. He promised Alice he would call her when he arrived and hoped there would be better service outside the airport away from the crowds. The family was probably waiting for him in Forks and he guessed Carlisle and Esme were anxious to hear from him.

As Edward walked through the terminal, several yards away he spotted Rosalie and Emmett sitting at a gate. They were having one of their "moments" and it was a familiar sight. When they focused on one another, the rest of the world disappeared. Their thoughts will full of each other.

"_Odd, that they should be meeting me here and not at baggage claim, where we normally meet at the airport. They must be excited to see me,"_ Edward thought.

For the first several months after he left the family Rosalie called Edward's cell phone almost nonstop, demanding his return. One day she stopped calling. The others had stopped calling, too, around the same time, although Carlisle and Esme left messages once a month. Edward knew the family was losing their patience with him and he hoped once he and Bella were reunited, things would return to their previous happy state. Maybe Bella would transfer to Cornell, so they could live closer to the family. Edward was even open to the discussion of changing Bella. That would make things easier with the family...at least for the sake of temptation for him. Rosalie would be mad, but she would get over it. As for the other complications, he would be able to handle it. If something was going to happen, it would've happen by now. He would be able to control the situation. Bella was his and not anyone else's. Edward was lost in his thoughts as he waited for his brother and sister to spot him.

Emmett was the first to notice Edward's scent in the air and looked around. Despite the crowds of humans, in the distance he saw his brother and waved.

"Rose – Edward's here, but at the wrong gate," he spoke quickly.

_Glad you're here! _Emmett thought, knowing Edward would be able to hear him.

_Finally! Where's Alice? _Rosalie thought to herself.

Edward noticed Rosalie and Emmett were guarding their thoughts, but the ones they were sharing were full of relief and urgency. Edward waved back and began to walk in their direction. When he saw Alice by the pay phones, he smiled. She waved frantically, excited to see him, but she was also guarding her thoughts.

"_It was so nice of them to meet me at the airport,"_ Edward thought. Were Carlisle and Esme here, too? Maybe Jasper was waiting in the car.

Suddenly, Edward smelled _her_. It was the scent of James' mate - Victoria. Edward spun around and saw the redhead standing right in front of him with a smile on her face. For the first several months after Edward left Forks, he had been tracking Victoria, but failed miserably. This was the last place he expected to see her.

"_He has no idea_," Victoria thought, with glee.

Edward growled. The airport was the worst possible place to have a confrontation – humans watching their every move, surveillance cameras all over the place. Obviously the location was strategic on Victoria's part. If he had caught her alone, he would have destroyed her immediately.

"I've been looking for you," he spat.

"And I've been looking for you," she replied. "I wanted to be the one to deliver the news."

"What news?"

"Your mate is _dead_."

Victoria didn't hesitate, memories of her dead mate James on her mind, feeling fulfilled that her plan of revenge was finally coming to fruition.

"You're lying," Edward seethed, tempted to attack her in this terminal filled with humans. Her thoughts were honest, she believed what she was saying, but Edward refused to trust her.

Victoria wasn't intimidated. "I was planning to kill her. A mate for a mate seemed like a fair revenge. When I found out, I was disappointed, but realized I would still have some joy in delivering the news to you personally. But, no I didn't kill her. Apparently, she killed herself, at least, that's the death certificate says."

She held out a piece of paper for Edward to take. "See for yourself," she said with a shrug.

Alice, Emmett and Rosalie were rushing towards Edward. The panic in their thoughts confirmed what Victoria was telling him. This is why they were meeting him at the airport, afraid of what he would do if he went to Forks by himself. It was true. Bella was dead.

Victoria's bravery faltered when she saw the three additional vampires. She didn't expect them to be there. Her eyes widened in fear and her memories changed from James to Bella's grave, overheard conversations in the local diner of Bella's death, and an empty bedroom at Charlie's house. With one last glance at Edward in shock, Victoria fled.

Edward collapsed just as Emmett and Rosalie were at his side, holding him up before any human could notice.

"Alice, call Carlisle. Tell him about Victoria – he can track her," Emmett ordered. She opened her phone and shook it in frustration.

"Damn, cell phone!" she screamed at the lack of reception. "Get Edward to a safe place, I'll call Carlisle again from a pay phone." Alice raced off, obscenities streaming from her mouth.

Rosalie and Emmet began to carry Edward towards the exit, but he resisted.

"Leave me alone," Edward warned, brushing them off. "I _will_ make a scene."

"You're already making a scene," Rosalie replied, noticing the surrounding people watching intently.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked. "What did Victoria tell you?"

There were too many humans conversations in the terminal for their vampire hearing to pick up the exchange.

"Like you don't already know..." Edward muttered, his face etched with pain. "Bella is dead."

Emmett and Rosalie looked at each other, but their thoughts were guarded. He was shocked they didn't have more of a response.

"Are you heartless?" he asked, bitterly. "Do you have no reaction? Or have you known about this for a long time and kept it from me?"

"American Airlines, Alaskan Airlines...damn, I didn't notice that detail," Alice returned muttering to herself, realizing why she had the wrong gate. Her mind was racing, testing different scenarios of the future.

"Bella isn't dead," Rosalie said quietly.

All three of them had an imagine of Jasper and Bella. She was sitting on his lap and he was whispering in her ear. She was laughing.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Good try, guys, but that's ridiculous. You're just trying to distract me. It won't work." Jasper and Bella would never be so close, it had to be a lie, he thought.

His brother and sisters glanced at each other, surprised they had thought of the same thing at the same time, and apparently regretting it.

Edward walked to an empty row of chairs by a closed gate. He sat down and put his head in his hands.

"It's all my fault, I shouldn't have left her unprotected," he muttered.

Emmett and Rosalie sat next to Edward on both sides and Alice sat in the floor in front of him. To any humans observing, they were consoling someone in pain. And they were.

"Bella is waiting for you at our house in Forks, Edward. Believe me," Alice insisted.

"Please leave me alone," Edward replied.

"Look, I'll call her. You can talk to her yourself," Rosalie suggested.

Edward refused to look up. "No cell phone reception. Remember? And, have you also forgotten that I can read your minds? I know the minute I stand, you'll try to move me outside."

Emmett laughed. "I've missed you, bro."

"You're laughing? How can you laugh? Didn't Bella mean anything to you?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Stop being an idiot and listen to us. Bella is _alive_."

"I won't go to the Volturi," Edward replied. "I just need to be alone."

Alice sighed. "You're lying. And you've had plenty of time alone, Edward."

When Edward didn't respond, they sat in silence, wondering how to convince him they were telling the truth. Emmett jumped up in excitement.

"When Bella and I were competing, we took video. Rose, you recorded us arm wrestling – show Edward."

Alice looked triumphant. Rosalie opened her phone and quickly went to the twenty second video she recorded on her cell phone. She pressed play.

Reluctantly, Edward lifted up his head to watch. Just as Emmett promised, it was him and Bella arm wrestling, with the family cheering in the background. Bella won and Emmett was clearly upset. They had never arm wrestled when Edward and Bella were together and it had to be a recent video.

Edward closed his eyes.

"If this is a trick, I'm never speaking to any of you again."


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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A/N: Thanks to Sonja Cullens for her feedback and contribution! This story will be finished in a few chapters, with Bella confronting Edward. But, if there is something you'd like to see that hasn't happened yet, I'm open to suggestions. Thanks for reading!

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**BPOV**

The white mansion by the river came into view as the car made it's way down the winding lane. It was a beautiful house, but with the lawn overgrown it looked like it had been abandoned for years. Esme asked us to go through the house, turn on lights and remove the dust covers. It gave us something to do other than wait and the distraction was welcomed.

Eventually, Carlisle called and told us Edward was set to arrive at 10pm and they would be in Forks shortly after midnight. With the secure time frame Esme encouraged Jasper and me to go hunting before the others arrived. I was extremely thirsty _and_ anxious and leapt at the opportunity.

Jasper and I stayed close to the house, hunting deer, and it quenched my thirst, but didn't completely satisfy it. I didn't know if I would ever _not _be thirsty, although during the last few months it was easier to manage. When we finished, we decided to take our time walking back to the house, enjoying the time of being alone together.

"It's Christmas Eve, did you ever imagine a year ago that on the _next _Christmas Eve you'd be a vampire, with me and feasting on deer blood?" Jasper asked with a smile.

I laughed. "No, definitely not. I spent the day in bed, crying, feeling like my world had been destroyed." I sighed, looking into Jasper's eyes, feeling dizzy with love for him. "But you changed everything for me. You gave me a second chance at the life I always wanted."

Jasper shook his head in humility. He gently let his finger trace my jawline down to my chin, which he lifted to look in my eyes."You changed everything for _me_. I don't know how I existed so long without you."

We starred at one another for a long time, feeling one another's emotions, basking in our love for one another. All of my worries about being in Forks and confronting Edward faded away and it was just the two of us. Nothing else mattered.

When Jasper's cell phone rang, he rolled his eyes at the interruption, and looked to see who was calling.

"Esme," he remarked, opening the phone. "Hello?"

"Come home now! Edward has arrived, but Victoria met him at the airport. She fled and Carlisle is trying to track her. She may return to Forks. Bella may be in danger..."

Before Esme could finish her thoughts, Jasper swept me up in his arms and started running faster than I'd ever seen him run before. I hadn't seen this side of him yet, as my protector and it was intmidating. My mind raced trying to understand Jasper's reaction. Victoria was the mate of James, the vampire who attacked me when I was a human. The Cullens killed James, but I survived. She must blame me for his death.

"You do know that I can run, right?" I asked, trying not to panic.

"I do. It makes me feel better to have you in my arms. Humor me, please." Jasper was focused and his words were tense.

It took only minutes to return to the house, and Jasper went straight to Esme. She was relieved to see us and wrapped her arms around me as Jasper set me on the ground.

"We have no reason to believe Victoria will return to Forks, but I was worried," Esme explained. She glanced at Jasper, afraid of his response. "Victoria came to the area to kill Bella, but she found out she was already "dead." She delivered the news to Edward and you can only guess his reaction. Alice, Emmett and Rosalie are trying to calm him down. Victoria fled when she realized Edward wasn't alone. She doesn't know Bella has been changed, so she's most likely safe, but we need to make precautions."

"Just as we suspected," Jasper replied thoughtfully.

Esme's cell phone rang and she went to the next room to answer it.

"_Suspected_?" I replied. "Did you know this would happen?"

"Carlisle and I discussed the possibility, but we really had no reason to suspect she would pursue you. She did what we expected – found out you were "dead" and thought her plan was complete. Although, we didn't suspect she'd tell Edward."

"Why didn't you tell _me_?" I asked, outraged. "I should be informed if someone wants to kill me. I can't believe you didn't say anything!"

Jasper's eyes widened. "It wasn't an immediate threat," he pleaded. "I didn't want to worry you for nothing."

Anger started bubbling up within me, a deep resentment for someone making choices for me without my consent. It was a familiar emotion. My mind whirled – thinking of how Edward took away my choices because he wanted to keep me "safe." Infuriated, I picked up the closest thing to me, a lamp, and threw it across the room with a loud growl. It felt good to be violent.

"_James _attacked me, _Laurent_ attacked me, and _Victoria_ was _planning_ to attack me..." I thought out loud, finding new things to destroy as I said each name.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You're right. I should have told you," Jasper repented, seeming oblivious to my destruction.

I glared at him, but as I saw the concern and love in his eyes, I softened.

"This is our first fight," I said quietly.

Jasper looked miserable. "I promise I won't keep anything from you again."

"I know," I replied, suddenly feeling a sense of clarity and understanding myself. "I'm just sensitive to people hiding things from me all in the name of keeping me "safe."

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," I responded with a sigh. I looked across the room at the damage I had done. I'd have to apologize to Esme for my destructive outburst. "I can't believe I got this upset."

He cupped my face with his hand. "You have every right to feel upset. It was stupid of me to not mention it."

I felt like crying. I was ashamed for having such a temper. Jasper would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. It was an honest mistake and I trusted him completely.

Jasper gave me a hug and Esme returned, apparently waiting for me to calm down.

"Carlisle followed Victoria's scent and investigated. It seems she took a flight bound for Atlanta," Esme exclaimed with relief. "Bella is safe."

"Yay?" I replied with sarcasm, looking at Jasper. He laughed.

I was safe from Victoria, but was I safe from myself?


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**JPOV**

With each hour that passed, Alice kept us updated via text message.

Emmett, Rosalie and Alice finally convinced Edward that Victoria was misinformed and that Bella was still alive and waiting for him in Forks. He was suspicious, until they updated him with what had happened to Bella – Laurent's attack and her transformation, being alone for months in the Arctic, finding me in Denali. It wasn't an appropriate time to tell him that Bella and I had mated, and Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie were all trying to guard their thoughts to protect this news. I was concerned that Edward still expected Bella to be waiting for him with open arms, despite Alice's insistence in telling him that things had changed.

Bella's outburst that evening was similar to her other newborn fits, it happened quickly and was out of character for her. But, it was different because of the intensity. Her emotions came from a deep place in her that I had never felt before. It frightened me. I didn't want Bella to do anything she would regret, but if these new emotions kept flowing she was bound to act out more. At the same time, she probably needed to face these feelings – it wasn't healthy to keep them locked away.

As Esme cleaned up the damage, Bella apologize profusely, and joined to help. Esme was as gracious as always, telling Bella that she, Rosalie and Emmett did much more damage when they were newborns and that Bella shouldn't worry about it. I was proud of Esme for being so understanding and it was true – newborns were volatile and unpredictable. Bella had shown amazing restraint and rationality, but she was still a newborn vampire.

When a car was heard in the driveway, Bella gripped my hand. We were sitting in the living room with Esme, waiting for the others to arrive. A car door slammed and Edward appeared within seconds, followed by the others who seemed to be trying to catch up with him.

Bella stopped holding my hand and stood up. I joined her in facing Edward.

Edward and Bella starred at each other. Bella's emotional shield was up and I had no idea what she was feeling. Edward's feelings were easy to read and it made me sick. He felt relieved to see her safe and alive, which wasn't so offensive, but it was followed by lust for her, and then possessiveness. I didn't detect _love_, which surprised me.

The silence was awkward. Carlisle was the first to speak.

"Maybe we should give them privacy," he suggested quietly, glancing at me.

_Hell, no_, I thought to myself. Then, Bella began to do the unexpected.

"Always so quick to leave, aren't you Carlisle?" Bella sneered. "Like Father like Son, I suppose."

Everyone's eyes widened in shock, mine included. Where was this coming from?

"You broke my heart," she whispered, glaring at Edward. "_All of you..._broke...my...heart."

Bella's body was trembling, but her shield didn't allow me to know what she was feeling, although it was easy to guess. Her eyes were glossed over with a cloud of pain and she was _angry_. She looked at everyone in the room, except for me.

Edward rushed forward, trying to console her. "I love you, Bella. Please, let me explain..."

"No," Bella shouted, pushing Edward away and sending him flying through the air, smashing into his beloved piano.

I noticed Rosalie smirk, but everyone else was surprised. Even Carlisle seemed to not know what to do.

Bella began to speak as if this was the first time she was meeting everyone since her transformation, the reunions and reconciliations erased. It sent a shiver down my spine.

"I remember everything now. You never cared about me. None of you did. I was just a pet, an amusement, a _distraction_. But, I cared about you. I _loved_ you."

She wasn't just speaking to Edward, she was addressing the whole family. For a brief second she allowed her shield to lift and reveal her heartbreak. I had felt it before, on the night she found me in Denali, but the intensity was magnified. I allowed the family to feel it – her heartbreak and love for them. I didn't do it out of cruelty or to make them feel guilty. Bella and I were one. Her pain was my pain. I wanted them to know the full extent of how she was feeling.

Esme buried her face into Carlisle's chest, not being able to handle it. Emmett put his head down in shame, Rosalie was somber, and Alice was full of compassion. Edward continued to feel lust and possessiveness, but remorse was also swirling around, too.

Carlisle spoke for the family, his voice firm and full of authority. "Bella, we love you. We have always loved you."

Bella ignored him and stared at Edward, who was standing by the destroyed piano.

"But, you didn't want me," she spoke calmly, although there was bitterness in her tone. "I don't belong in your world, you told me."

Her face was etched in pain and she frowned. "Well, guess what? I don't want you, either. I don't want any of you."

"Bella," Alice called softly, "Don't do this..."

Bella ignored her. "I'm leaving," she growled.

Carlisle and the others, except for Edward, looked at me in panic, their eyes pleading for me to do something.

"Darlin'," I whispered, reaching out to hold her hand. "Let's go somewhere so you can calm down..."

"Leave me alone," she screamed, taking two steps back. "I don't want you, either."

Her words of rejection stung, even though I knew she didn't mean it. I felt amusement coming from Edward, and I glared at him.

Bella was totally overwhelmed and almost feral. Her wild eyes darted around the room, looking at no one in particular, snarling and in a defensive crouch. She ran towards the bay windows facing the river and smashed through them, leaving glass shattering everywhere.

"_Don't leave me, Jasper,_" Bella's voice echoed in my head. "_No matter what happens, promise you won't leave me._"

There was no other choice for me. I jumped out the window and chased after her.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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_Car in driveway. Jasper's hand. Door slammed. New scent. Stand up. Shield up. Edward. __Smiling, beautiful, bronzed haired boy. Paralyzed. Anxious. Old feelings. I love him. New feelings. I hate him. You don't want me? No. Alone. Alone. Tears. Alone. Alone. No family. No future. Alone. The meadow. Laurent. The wolves. Pain beyond belief. Alone. I need to protect myself. I need to protect myself..._


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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**JPOV**

Bella clearly didn't know where she was going. Her scent led me west, then east, then south for awhile, then north. She was using all of her newborn strength for speed, but I knew I would catch up. I wouldn't stop until I found her.

Eventually, I did, after several hours of playing chase. We were deep in Olympic National Park, on a high ridge inaccessible to most creatures. She smashed into a boulder and then collapsed into a heap on the ground. Her shield was up, so I kept my distance, climbing a nearby tree to sit and watch her. Every impulse I had told me to be with her, wrap my arms around her and comfort her. But, she wasn't ready for that and I had to be patient.

The hours turned into days. There was rain, snow and wind, but Bella didn't move an inch. She remained a statue. After a full week, I thought I was going to lose my mind. What if Bella didn't ever recover? My cell phone battery died long ago, and our scents had been washed away by the weather. The family couldn't contact or find us. I had to do something.

Carefully, I climbed down from the tree and stood thirty yards away. Bella's eyes were closed and she looked peaceful, which was a good sign. She spoke first and I almost gasped in shock.

"You followed me," she said.

"Yes," I replied.

"You've been here the whole time," she continued.

"Yes," I answered, taking a step forward.

"The emotions came rushing from the bottom of my toes to the top of my head, filling me until they overflowed. I didn't try to stop it, it was rushing too hard and too fast," she murmured.

Rational thought! Was Bella back to normal?

"Will you drop your shield?" I asked, taking another step forward.

"No."

The rejection hurt, but I wasn't going to give up easily. I had to be creative.

"Will you let me in?"

She didn't respond for a long time, but finally nodded her head in agreement. I walked the remaining steps, until I was in front of her, where I sat cross legged on the ground. Her emotional shield was still up, but at least she allowed me to be close.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. It seemed like a lame question, considering, but I wanted to know.

"Not well," she replied, with hint of sarcasm. My Bella was slowly returning to me.

"I can help with that," I offered.

"I know," Bella answered with a faint smile, but she didn't drop her shield. Her eyes remained closed.

"What are we going to do?" It wasn't a question about what_ she _would do, I wouldn't leave her, even if she wanted me to leave.

"Hunt."

I nodded and stood, offering my hand to help her up, even though she didn't need it. Bella rolled her eyes.

"I'm a gentleman," I explained.

"And I can take care of myself," she responded, standing.

I frowned. I knew Bella could take care of herself. I didn't think she was weak or incapable. But, she was my mate. I wanted to help her. It was instinctual.

Noticing my expression, Bella looked uncomfortable. "Thank you, though," she added, seeming to want to ease my hurt.

I smiled. "You lead the way," I suggested.

With a nod, Bella took off into the forest and I followed.

**BPOV**

When I left the Cullens, I immediately noticed Jasper was following me. I would know his scent anywhere. But, I was too overwhelmed, too irrational to deal with him. Seeing Edward face to face affected me more deeply than I could have ever imagined. It brought a combination of old and new feelings that was explosive. I reacted in a haze of heartbreak.

When I finally stopped running, I went into a self protective coma, similar to the one I experienced after Edward left. I needed to feel safe and I needed to think. I knew Jasper was with me and it brought me peace, but I didn't have the strength to acknowledge him. I also knew he might eventually get frustrated with me and leave, but I hoped that wouldn't happen.

I analyzed every human memory I had of Edward, drowning in the thrill of first love. I felt at home in his world, even though he told me I didn't belong there. I connected with him and his family better than I ever had with any human. When he left, it wasn't just his absence that hurt me. It was losing his entire family that hurt the most, losing the future that I wanted. But, then I was given a second chance.

I remembered my painful transformation, being in the Arctic, bloodstained clothes, barefoot, wild. I never healed from my heartbreak because I was focusing on surviving. But, I did survive and now I had to deal with it. What was I going to do?

Despite my words, fueled by hurt, I _did_ want them. I felt a sense of belonging and connection when I was with the Cullens. They apologized for hurting me and pledged their loyalty. Carlisle himself told me they _loved_ me. What more could I ask for?

Did I still love Edward?

Edward was drawn to me because my blood was his own personal brand of heroin and I was an enigma because he couldn't read my thoughts. I was drawn to him because he was dazzling and because he was a vampire. We called that magnetism _love_, but maybe it wasn't. Our relationship was never easy. There was always underlying tension. I thought it was because I was human, but now I realized it was more than that. We were never meant to be together. I was destined for Jasper.

When I thought of Jasper there was no pain, only happiness. Edward never knew me the way Jasper did. Edward was more concerned with "protecting" me than respecting me as an individual. I felt like Jasper was my equal, that we were partners. And he was there when I needed him most. Jasper searched for me when I went missing, not Edward. Jasper calmed my broken heart, teaching me how to be a vampire, being patient with me when I was falling to pieces.

True love was patient, kind. It doesn't demand it's own way or give up. It endures through every circumstance.

Jasper was here with me now. He hadn't left my side, just as he promised. He was enduring.

Hunting gave me the release I needed. I enjoyed the speed, strategy and going in for the kill. Giving into my instincts made me feel powerful. When my thirst was satisfied, I waited while Jasper finished hunting.

I was suddenly glad I had seen Edward again. It made me realize something.

Edward was a boy and Jasper was a man.

I loved Jasper. There would never be another for me.

Jasper caught me starring. He opened his arms and I ran to him, feeling his strong arms wrap around me like a warm blanket.

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A/N: I know many of you have strong feelings about Bella not being so quick to forgive the Cullens, and I agree there needs to be more confrontation, but every way I write it, I find Bella forgiving. Help me understand your perspective. Do the Cullens need to be punished? And if so, what would that look like? I think Edward's ultimate punishment is that he doesn't get Bella. Thanks for reading! You people are the best!


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

A/N: Thank you for all your feedback, with special thanks to Danimcket, Simaril, Reading is a Passion2,gredelina1, AIXA00, and Sapphire1031 for shaping this chapter and the upcoming ones. Thanks for reading!

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**JPOV**

"I love you," Bella cried softly.

"I love _you_," I replied and I felt my body relax as she hugged me. We held each other for a long time, and I sent waves of my love, affection, and _devotion _to her_._ She was able to relax, too, breathing deeply and allowing me to calm her.

"We don't have to return to the family," I suggested, smoothing her hair. "We can go to Denali or somewhere new."

Bella sighed, still clinging to me. "No, I need to go back. I said things I didn't mean and I should apologize."

I remained quiet, neither agreeing or disagreeing, and she looked up at me.

"I'm sorry for saying I didn't want you," she whispered, her eyes filled with pain. "I didn't mean it...I was just overwhelmed."

"I know," I replied, leaning down to kiss her. She eagerly returned this kiss, running her fingers through my hair and pulling me close.

When I finished hunting, and I caught Bella starring at me, I felt something different radiating from her. I felt her love for me on a different level than I'd ever felt before. It was glorious and eternal. I knew instantly that she had finally realized that I was her mate.

Bella had told me she loved me before, and the intimacy we shared was powerful, but I always felt a piece of her was locked away. In that moment, as she starred at me, I felt her give _all_ of herself to me. I knew I didn't have to feel insecure about Edward or be worried that something would tear us apart. Bella finally felt about me the way I felt about her. No matter what happened with the family, whether she reconciled with them or not, I knew that _we_ would be okay.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked between kisses. Physically, I missed Bella and yearned to reconnect with her, but that wasn't what she needed right now.

She pulled back an inch and looked thoughtful. Neither of us were naturally talkative people, but I wanted to know what she had been thinking about for the last seven days, and if there was anything I could do to help.

"When I saw Edward, something snapped within me," she explained. "All the emotions I had been ignoring came too fast and I couldn't control them." She sighed. "I feel ashamed at what I said to Carlisle and the family, but that was how I felt, even if it's not true."

"Do you believe Carlisle when he said he and the family love you?" I asked.

Bella nodded. "I do. And I love them, too. But, I'm afraid things will never be the same." She looked worried. "Alice...Carlisle...Esme...I was very close to them, but they _abandoned_ me. I know they had their reasons, and I forgive them, but there are consequences for their decision. It's going to take time for me to trust them again."

I completely understood. At Thanksgiving when she was reunited with Carlisle and Esme I was surprised how easily she forgave them. She was quick to forgive Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, as well. Bella returned to family life a little_ too _easily. Now that she had faced the reality of her heartbreak, she realized how complicated true reconciliation would be.

"And Edward?" I asked. I knew she didn't love him anymore, but I wanted to know how she felt about him.

"I was always an independent, self sufficient person," she began. "When I met Edward, I lost that. He took away my choices and that almost destroyed me. I don't want it to happen again. Jasper, you are my life now, but I want you to understand that I am still my own person."

Her emotions spoke louder than her words and I knew how important this was to her. I nodded.

"I'm not Edward," I reminded her gently. "I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and _respect_ you, Bella."

She smiled, glowing at my words. "Thank you for keeping your promise to not leave me. I don't know if I would have recovered if I was alone. Knowing you were near was a comfort."

God, I loved this woman. I felt like destroying Edward for all the pain he caused her. I needed to remain calm for Bella's sake, but if he upset her again, I wasn't going to be restrained.

"I will always be there for you, Bella," I whispered, hugging her again, so relieved she was back from her self protective coma. It had been a long seven days. "Are you ready to go back now or do you need more time?" I asked, looking at her with a smile.

She was uncertain. "Can we go back and see what happens, see how I feel? Then go from there?"

I nodded. "I think that's a good idea."

She gave me another kiss and holding hands, we began to run back to Forks. I would have preferred for us to go away and be alone again, live apart from the family for awhile. But, Bella needed to make peace with the family, and it was necessary if we wanted to remain in contact with them in the long run. Still, I didn't want Bella to experience anymore trauma. She had been through too much. Hopefully, the worst was over.

As we neared the house, we noticed Rosalie and Emmett's scent in the forest, and glanced at each other. They soon appeared in front of us.

"Emmett, Rosalie," I greeted warmly. They were nervous and anxious to see us.

"We were waiting for you," Emmett replied. "I'm so glad you returned."

Bella didn't put her shield up, but her demeanor was reserved. She nodded in acknowledgement, but didn't say anything.

"Bella, if you and Jasper are leaving, we want to go with you," Emmett said, glancing at Rosalie, who nodded in agreement. "If you'll have us."

"We actually haven't decided what we're going to do yet," I answered, putting an arm around her. Bella was speechless at his offer.

Emmett spoke with conviction, getting straight to the point, which was definitely his personality."We abandoned you before and it was a mistake. We're not going to do it again."

I glanced at Bella to see her response.

"I'm sorry for what I said," she replied, talking quickly, breaking her reserve. "I was speaking out of hurt. Seeing Edward again messed me up, but I'm thinking rationally now. You already apologized to me and I forgave you. I _forgive_ you. Rosalie – we never even spoke to one another when I was human. I can't fault you for leaving me. And Emmett, I understand that you had to be with Rosalie. So...honestly, no hard feelings."

Bella sighed when she finished, feeling relieved to say what she wanted to say. She was sincere and felt no animosity towards Rosalie and Emmett. I relayed her emotions to them, so they would feel reassured.

"Thank you, Bella, your forgiveness means a lot to us," Emmett replied. "I don't know if you want an explanation, but I want to give you one." He looked vulnerable, which wasn't a natural state for Emmett. Rosalie squeezed his hand and he felt encouraged by her.

"I'm sure Jasper has told you, but we really didn't think Edward would be separated from you for too long. I was convinced he would change you...eventually. And, as vampires, as _immortals_, time passes differently for us than it does for humans. Hell, I've been changed for more than seventy years, but it feels like yesterday. A year to us feels like a few hours to a human...and I don't think any of us realized you would experience time differently."

"We're not trying to make excuses, we just want you to understand our perspective," Rosalie added.

Emmett's words seemed to help Bella have a new sense of understanding of the family's actions.

"I appreciate that, Emmett. Thank you."

Rosalie put her arms around Emmett's waist. "We don't want to lose you, Bella. We'll do whatever it takes to make up for our mistake."

I knew Rosalie wasn't a fan of Edward's and Bella's relationship, but Emmett's devotion to Bella had softened her. When she learned of Bella's attack and how she was changed, Rosalie was moved with compassion and her indifference turned to devotion, too. She considered Bella part of her family now and Rosalie was one of the most loyal people I had ever met. She meant what she said.

I was proud of my brother and sister and happy that Bella had truly reconciled with them. Only four more family members to go, but it wouldn't be as easy as this.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Carlisle called the hospital in Ithaca and took a leave of absence," Emmett answered. "He and Esme have been waiting at the house until they heard word from you. So have Alice and Edward. Rose and I were afraid you wouldn't come back, so we've been searching the area for you."

Bella was touched that the family was still waiting for her. She was too humble to expect that, although I knew they would.

"Ready?" I asked her.

"We got your back, girrrrrrlllll," Emmett joked, snapping his fingers in a z formation, and lightening the mood.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. Bella laughed.

"Yes, I am," she replied confidently.


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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A/N: Hi everyone. Um, sorry if this chapter offends you, but it's rated M for a reason. I just wanted something fun and fluffy before more drama happened. Thanks for reading!

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**BPOV**

With Jasper holding my hand, I wasn't nervous as we walked the steps leading to the front door of the house. Emmett and Rosalie were behind us and I was encouraged by their support, too. Whatever happened with this confrontation, I knew I would survive. I could handle this.

Carlisle and Esme met us at the door.

"Bella!" Esme called out, happy to see me. I smiled shyly, but didn't say anything.

Jasper turned to me. "Would you like to freshen up?" he asked.

I looked down at my clothes, dirty from being in the wilderness and winter weather. A warm shower was exactly what I needed.

"Yes, I would," I answered.

"You can use our room," Rosalie offered. "Help yourself to my clothes."

"Thanks, Rosalie," I replied.

"We'll be back," Jasper told everyone, leading me up the stairs in a hurry.

I had never been in Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom before. There were a lot of mirrors and enlarged photos of the couple. Jasper brought me to the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower.

"Are you going to shower with me?" I asked, hopefully.

Jasper smiled regretfully, although I felt his lust. "I _want_ to, but I'd rather wait for more privacy..."

I heard a loud crash coming from downstairs. It startled me. Jasper laughed out loud.

"_Edward," _he explained with a grin. "He doesn't like my memories."

I rolled my eyes. Edward could read minds, and most likely was monitoring us right now.

"But, I miss you!" I pouted.

"It will be worth the wait," Jasper promised, leaning down to kiss me. I melted at his touch. "While you shower, I'll go get a change of clothes, and be back before you finish."

My eyes widened in panic, gripping his shirt."No, no, no...don't leave me."

Jasper was surprised at my reaction, but didn't object. "Alright, I'll wait for you."

"Thank you," I sighed with relief.

Jasper turned his head while I undressed so that Edward wouldn't get a peak, too. I showered quickly, wrapped myself in a towel, and then chose a to wear a simple dress from Rosalie's closet.

"You look nice," he said appreciatively, looking me over.

"Thanks, now it's _your_ turn," I replied, with a sudden idea. Edward couldn't read _my_ mind.

I led Jasper back to the bathroom and began to unbutton his shirt. He looked at me curiously, wondering what I was doing.

"Let me take care of you," I whispered, with the most seductive voice I could muster, although I felt kind of silly trying to be sexy.

Jasper looked at me with a pleased expression and held out his arms in surrender.

As I finished taking off his shirt, I covered his chest with kisses, then my hands found their way to Jasper's belt, which I unbuckled slowly, not taking my eyes off Jasper's face. I unbuttoned his jeans and they dropped to the floor.

I heard another loud crash coming from downstairs, and the voices of the others trying to calm Edward.

I laughed.

"I wonder what you were thinking?" I asked Jasper, suspiciously. He feigned innocence and shrugged.

"I'm sorry, but this is going to remain PG-13," I apologized. "We'll save the X rated scenes for when we're alone," I added with a wink. I loved that I could feel comfortable and playful with Jasper, completely confident in expressing my desire for him.

"Aww, shucks," he complained, shaking his head with a grin.

I knelt down, put my hands on his hips and removed his boxer shorts with my teeth, which caused him to become aroused.

"Are you trying to tease me, woman?" he moaned.

I stood up and allowed my hands to roam. "You've been a very patient man," I murmured.

"To hell with Edward," Jasper whispered, with a determined look in his eyes. "He should leave the house if he doesn't like what he sees."

Jasper put his hands around my waist and picked me up, setting me on the bathroom counter. Pushing up my dress and ripping off my underwear, he thrust himself into me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we began to fervently make love. Jasper was normally not this aggressive, but he _had _been patient, and I _had_ been teasing him, so I shouldn't have been surprised that he took me like this. It was exhilarating to be with him again.

Normally I was more vocal during our intimate moments, but this time I tried to remain quiet. I wasn't embarrassed, but I didn't know if the family could tell what we were doing and I wanted to be discreet, if it was possible in a house full of extremely well hearing vampires. Jasper was focused and when he released, he collapsed against me.

"Sorry," he panted, trying to catch his breath. "I couldn't restrain myself."

I kissed his neck. "You can have your way with me anytime," I assured him.

Jasper kissed me tenderly, and we held each other in the afterglow. He had a brief shower, then wrapped a towel around his waist, taking my hand to lead me to his bedroom. However, at the bathroom door, someone had already placed a stack of clothes for Jasper. It was a thoughtful gesture. Jasper shrugged, grabbed the clothes and dressed in seconds.

I ran my fingers through his hair and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. There was nothing else to do. It was time to talk to the family.

We walked down the stairs, into the living room, where everyone was waiting for us. I noticed the window I had broken had been repaired. Emmett winked at me and if I was human, I knew I would have blushed. Was he winking because of what happened between me and Jasper in the bathroom or because he noticed me looking at the broken window? I would probably never know.

Edward wasn't with the others, and I glanced around the room, wondering if he was sitting elsewhere. Suddenly, there was a rush of wind as Edward raced through the front door and stood in front of me. His eyes were troubled, as if I was in danger.

"Bella," he exclaimed. "Jasper is _manipulating_ you!"


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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A/N: This was a difficult chapter to write, and I may revise it later. Let me know what you think! Also, thanks to **gredelina1** for pre-reading!

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BPOV**

When I didn't respond, Edward repeated himself.

"Bella, Jasper is _manipulating _you!"

Alice snickered, shaking her head at Edward, her eyes full of frustration.

"I heard you the first time," I replied evenly, squeezing Jasper's hand. He glanced at me, recognition in his eyes.

It hadn't occurred to me before, when we were in the bathroom, but now I realized I was able to shield Jasper _and_ myself. As Edward entered the room, my shield immediately went up without much effort, and it covered Jasper as well. Instinctively, I was protecting myself and my mate. I could feel how tense Jasper was, how hard he was trying to control himself from lashing out at Edward. Jasper knew what I was doing, his glance said as much, and he didn't seem to object. I doubted he wanted to calm Edward, and figured his priority would be helping me, which he would be able to do under my shield. I could also protect him from being upset by whatever Edward was feeling.

Edward looked at Jasper with alarm, recognizing he could no longer read his thoughts. I didn't know if the family had informed Edward about my gift, but he was definitely suspicious now.

"Bella," Edward said my name slowly, with a hint of condescension in his voice. "You're confused. Please, talk to me alone, away from _his_ influence. I'll explain everything."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I didn't feel intimidated by him like I thought I would. I felt _annoyed_.

Edward glanced at the family, as if he was telling them to leave, but they remained in place. Carlisle crossed his arms. He seemed to be making a statement that he wasn't going to leave me.

"I'm not confused, Edward. Jasper isn't manipulating me. He is my _mate_."

"Jasper is influencing your emotions," he insisted. "I can read his thoughts, Bella. Even now, he's trying to confuse you. Don't let him deceive you. _You_ belong with _me."_

Carlisle and Esme glanced at one another, and then at Jasper, as if they suspected Edward was telling the truth. How could they still trust him? However, Rosalie and Emmett smirked, not buying what Edward was trying to sell.

Obviously he was lying. My knowledge and understanding of using my shield was limited, but I knew without a doubt that I was protecting Jasper at that moment from Edward being able to read his mind. I felt Jasper's anger at the accusation. It offended him deeply.

My patience was gone. I didn't want to tell Edward about my gift, but I could respond to the rest of what he said.

"I belong with you? _You _left me, remember? You said you didn't want me."

A sad expression came over his face. "I was trying to protect you. I wanted to give you the chance to live a normal human life."

I glared at him. "Live a normal human life...yes, that is exactly what happened to me after you left."

Memories of me lying in a fetal position in the woods, where I collapsed when Edward said goodbye, flashed across my mind. It was followed by the months of constant heartbreak, feeling abandoned and alone. When Jasper sensed the tidal wave of emotion, and I manipulated my shield to show Edward what I was thinking _and_ feeling. I didn't really know how I did it, it was all instinct, but it worked.

Edward took a step back. He had never read my mind before, and the shock of seeing it, along with feeling the intensity of the memories of my heartbreak, paralyzed him. Esme went to Edward's side, touching his arm.

"Are you alright?" she asked. The family looked at me, wondering what I had done to Edward.

"I'm fine...fine," he stuttered. Vampires didn't stutter and Carlisle looked especially concerned. I released my shield.

"I thought I lost everything when you left. You broke my heart and I didn't know if I was going to survive...but, I did. And fate led me to Jasper. He gave me a second chance to experience the life that you took away from me. So...no. I am not _confused_ and I am not being _manipulated_ by Jasper. I don't belong to you, I belong to _him_."

To emphasize this, I wrapped my arms around Jasper and in turn, he wrapped his arms around me in a protective embrace. We stood as one, in unity.

Edward turned to Alice, his eyes full of anger. "You're okay with this? Jasper is _your _mate! And you said Bella and I were supposed to be together..."

Alice sighed. "The last time we talked I begged Edward to come back to Forks, so we could be a happy family again with Bella in our lives," she explained to us, then faced her brother. "But, that was over a year ago, Edward, before I figured out what _really_ happened."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Edward muttered.

"It's time to be honest."

We were all confused by their interaction. "What really happened?" Emmett demanded.

"Do you want to tell them or should I?" Alice asked.

Edward growled, crossed his arms, and stalked across the room. But, he didn't leave. He seemed to want to hear what Alice had to say, too.

Alice skipped to stand in front of me and Jasper. "Bella, at your birthday party something life changing happened."

She had everyone's attention.

"When you were a human, Edward had amazing self control around you, but he still thirsted for your blood, more than any of us did. At your birthday party, when you cut your finger, Edward was about to attack you."

The details of my birthday party were fuzzy, but I didn't think that was what happened.

"No he wasn't. He pushed me back to protect me from Jasper."

My arms were still around Jasper and I hugged him to let him know I didn't hold it against him. He hugged back.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "That's what Edward wanted you to believe, what he wanted _everyone_ to believe, even Jasper, even me." She looked at the ground. "I was too selfish and too shocked to realized what happened until months later. I'm sorry."

Carlisle glanced in Edward's direction, a look of astonishment on his face. "Could this be true?" he asked with disbelief. Alice nodded.

"_Edward _was going to kill Bella, but something happened to Jasper in that split second. I think it was the exact moment he mated with Bella. Seeing her in such immediate danger made his instincts as her mate emerge. He raced towards Bella to _protect _her from Edward, not kill her. Edward saw Jasper's thoughts and was able to snap out of his bloodlust."

My mouth dropped open in shock. I did not expect this. I looked up at Jasper to see his reaction, but he seemed just as surprised as me.

"At least, that's what I suspect," she added. "During the months Jasper and I were in Denali I ran through all the scenarios...trying to make sense of things. Eventually I connected the dots and realized that Edward hadn't left Forks to protect Bella from _danger_...he left because he wanted to keep Bella from _Jasper_."

Alice turned in Edward's direction. "You know it's the truth, Edward. You're too stubborn to admit Bella isn't your mate. Do you think Carlisle or Emmett could stay away from Esme or Rosalie as long as you stayed away from Bella?"

"I didn't realize you figured it out, Alice," Edward responded tearsely, confirming what Alice was saying was true.

"It took months before I was able to accept the truth. By the time I dealt with it, Edward was out of communication and Bella went missing." Alice frowned.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie are wore unreadable expressions. I was worried they were in shock.

"I knew _something_ happened that night, but I wasn't sure what it was," Jasper spoke, thinking out loud. "When Bella was attacked by James, I was able to resist her blood and there was a lot more of it there. I never understood why I could resist her blood in Phoenix, but I couldn't resist a drop of blood from a _paper cut._ I felt so guilty, so weak."

He looked at Alice. "That would also explain why I've felt you so pissed off at Edward. I didn't know where that kind of anger was coming from."

Alice nodded. "Jasper, I know you didn't realize what happened. Like we talked about, I thought it was better for you to figure it out on your own. I'm so, so sorry for not telling you about all this sooner, before Edward arrived. That's why I wanted to talk to Bella alone when you came to Ithaca. But, when she shut down, it didn't seem like the right time and I was so happy to have the family back together and all this happened so fast..."

She looked like she was on the verge of tears and I felt compassion for her.

Carlisle and Esme broke from their state of shock to glare at Edward, who still refused to face everyone.

"You lied to us, son," Carlisle said.

"How could you?" Esme asked.

Rosalie growled. "Because he's a selfish prick."

Emmett shook his head. "You almost tore this family apart..."

I couldn't read their emotions like Jasper, but it was obvious a blowout was about to happen. Although I was shielding Jasper, I was concerned about what he was feeling. I was overwhelmed and I couldn't imagine that he wasn't feeling equally, if not more overwhelmed. His arms were still around me protectively, but, he was being very controlled and very reserved with his emotions and that worried me.

I glanced at the family, who looked like they were about to tear Edward limb from limb.

"I need to talk to Jasper alone," I announced. "We'll be back."

Without looking to see his reaction, I grabbed his hand and led him out of the house.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

**JPOV**

"Thank you," I breathed, as Bella and I stopped by the river. The house was still in the distance and we could hear the faint sound of yelling.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her face full of concern. "It felt like you were about to break."

"I was," I agreed, with a wry smile."It was taking every ounce of self control to not break Edward's face."

Bella frowned. "Don't let him get to you. He's not worth it."

"You know, up until Edward lied about me deceiving you, I really thought we had a chance at reconciliation, that maybe he would be my brother again and we would live in peace. But, now I know that's impossible."

"I wasn't _that_ optimistic, but I couldn't believe that he would intentionally lie. How can he accuse you of manipulating people when he apparently manipulated the whole family?" Bella was outraged on my behalf and I calmed her, but I was still feeling upset myself.

"If fate hadn't stepped in, Edward would have kept me from you. He would have either let you die as a human or turned you into an immortal and isolated you for centuries. That is what upsets me the most – the possibility of being separated from you."

The idea of a future without my mate filled me with agony. This had been Edward's intention. Nothing would ever be the same between us. I would never be able to trust him again.

"We won't ever be separated," she replied firmly. "Edward didn't win, _we_ did."

"And Alice? I trusted her completely, but she knew the truth about Edward and never told us until _now_? Didn't she consider how that would affect us?"

I felt betrayed by my brother _and _my former partner. Even though her emotions revealed her sincere sorrow over her actions, the damage had been done. "Alice and Edward are more alike than I realized. They both think _they_ alone should decide what's best for people."

"I understand how you feel, but Alice isn't Edward. I think she had good intentions. She had to accept losing you, and I'm know that was difficult for her. It's remarkable that she dealt with it and moved on so quickly...considering how our being together changed her life, too."

I relaxed, but only slightly. I stroked Bella's cheek.

"You're always so quick to forgive, darlin'," I said. "Alice is lucky to have you as a friend."

I glanced over my shoulder at the big white house where the others were still arguing.

"I just feel like everything our family stood for has been destroyed. Did you notice how Carlisle and Esme almost believed Edward when he lied about me? He's their first son, they'll always take his side, no matter what he does."

Bella scowled, acknowledging she agreed with me.

"We can leave," she offered.

"You would do that for me?" I asked. We had talked about leaving the family before, but I was the one to always make the offer. I knew how much she loved the Cullens, but she was willing to walk away from the family if that was what I needed to be happy.

"Yes," she responded immediately."We have to say goodbye, though. I can't treat them the way they treated me and just disappear."

"Bella, you want to be a Cullen. I can't take that away from you."

"What I want is to be with _you_. Nothing else matters. Like you said, Edward can't be trusted and Carlisle and Esme will always take his side. How can we live with that?"

Experience had taught me to not make any major decisions when I was overwhelmed with emotion. I didn't trust Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Alice...and I didn't trust myself. But, I did trust Bella.

"We'll do what _you _think is best for us," I decided. "Stay or go, I trust your decision."

Bella's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked, feeling surprised and empowered. I nodded.

She was thoughtful for a moment. "Let the family deal with Edward. You and I can return to Alaska."

I smiled. "Okay, that's what we'll do."

"We don't need the Cullens. I'll get a job, I can look for a place for us to live..." She was started to rattle off possibilities, excited, but suddenly worried, too.

"Woah," I put a finger on her lips to silence her. "I don't want to disrespect your independence, but you don't have to be responsible for us. We're going to take care of each other, alright?"

"We are," she replied, but it was almost a question.

I knew Bella carried a lot of responsibility as a human and she had to take care of herself _and_ her mother. With Charlie, it was better, but she still cooked and cleaned for him, worried about him, felt she alone had to be responsible for him. She needed to know she wasn't alone anymore.

"You don't have to get a job Bella," I replied gently, trying to calm her worries. "I have my own money, apart from the family wealth. We have more than enough money to take care of ourselves."

"Oh," she answered, relieved. "That's good."

"You can still get a job, if you want, but I think it would be best to wait a few years, until you get used to being around humans."

She nodded, preoccupied with her thoughts, worried again. I embraced her.

"Are you sure you want to leave the family? You're worried."

Bella looked up at me. "Yes, I think we do need to leave. I just...when I thought of our future together, I always imagined us being with the family. Without them in the equation, for a second I thought it was just me, alone, trying to figure out a way to survive."

"Bella!" I admonished. "You're never going to be alone again. I promise."

She hugged me. "Thank you, Jasper. I love you."

I believed Bella made the right decision for us, but I knew she still hurting from the damage Edward and the others had done to her. It would be a long road of healing before she felt truly secure. The pain of feeling betrayed by the family was still raw for me, too. But, I didn't want either us to make a decision we might later regret. Bella was a Cullen. It was her destiny to be part of the family, despite all it's flaws.

"We don't have to cut ourselves off from the family completely," I suggested. "We'll just tell them we need time to ourselves. They'll understand that."

Bella's spirit brightened. She wanted to leave, but not forever. "That's a fair compromise," she agreed.

It was settled.

The family was still arguing when we returned to the house. Bella glanced at me, as if to ask if I wanted her to shield me from the emotions. I shook my head. The emotions were intense, however. This was the worst argument the family ever had, even worse than when Rosalie and I tried convince the family to kill Bella. I cringed at the memory.

Edward was sitting, but the rest of the family members were standing. Rosalie and Carlisle were pacing. Alice had her arms crossed. Emmett was glaring, Esme looked like she was going to cry. There was exasperation, disgust, fear, disappointment, shame. I knew it would be difficult, but I tried my best to calm them all down. Surprisingly, everyone seemed to welcome the relief I brought.

"Jasper, Bella, welcome back," Carlisle greeted.

**BPOV**

"There are some things I need to say," I spoke boldly, knowing Jasper was giving the encouragement I needed to find closure.

"Whatever Edward's reasons were for leaving, the fact is...he left me. And you left with him." I looked at my adoptive parents. "Carlisle, Esme – you were the parents I never had –

responsible, full of wisdom and love. You taught me what it means to be a member of a _family_. And you said I was like a daughter to you, but...you _abandoned_ me. Family is supposed to stick together, but you chose Edward over me. It didn't have to be that way."

They listened somberly, Esme was especially troubled at my words.

I sighed. "I understand that I was a human and maybe you thought you were protecting me by leaving. I wish you had at least talked to me about it." Still feeling confident and clear headed, I continued. "You asked for my forgiveness and I do forgive you. But, it's going to take awhile for me to _trust_ you again."

I turned to Alice.

"My best friend, my sister. Alice, I loved you. I still love you. I appreciate all you've done for me and Jasper. But, when you left, do you know how much that hurt me? I thought for sure you would say goodbye, or that you would keep in touch with me, but you didn't. Maybe your gift gave you confidence that you would see me again, but _I _had no idea that I would see you again. I was left hopeless. A friend wouldn't treat someone the way you treated me."

She didn't respond, which was unlike her personality. She couldn't object because it was the truth.

"Emmett, Rosalie, we already talked and you know how I feel. Thank you for your offer and commitment to me. It means more than you'll ever know."

My confidence was faltering and I was on the verge of emotional exhaustion. I yearned to be alone with Jasper, away from the drama, and at peace again.

Jasper put his arm around me. "Bella and I need time alone, away from the family. We still love you, but we can't be with you right now. I hope you understand."

"Goodbye," I whispered, looking each family member in the eyes, even Edward. They were surprised, but not completely shocked at our decision. Unlike how they treated me, I loved them

enough to say goodbye in person.

Jasper and I turned and walked out the door.

**Epilogue**

When Laurent changed Bella in the meadow she was given a second chance to be what she was always meant to be – a vampire. She also got a second chance at love. However, joining the family she loved was more complicated.

When Carlisle began his family, it was motivated from a desire to love and be loved. His coven chose to resist human blood because in doing so it allowed them to form bonds based in love. Being in touch with their human emotions brought that love, acceptance, and loyalty they all desired, but it also brought jealousy, lies and betrayal.

The perfect family wasn't so perfect anymore.


End file.
